7 ways to beat a fear of public speaking.

Whenever I ask people what sort of public speaking topics they’d like to hear about, the number one request is “nerves.” Or more specifically, the number one request is, “how not to puke at the mere thought of public speaking.” That’s a pretty specific idea and I probably won’t directly cover not throwing up today.

Here in no particular order is a list of everything you need to know about fear and public speaking:

1. It’s OK to be afraid of public speaking. Most people are afraid of public speaking. Comedian Jerry Seinfeld has a whole routine about it where he says we’re more afraid of public speaking than we are of death. He says we’d rather be in the casket than making the eulogy. So right off the bat, know that you’re not alone. I told my wife Jenny that since people were most afraid of public speaking, in a way, I had the most dangerous job in the world. Take that Alaskan crab fishermen. Where’s my Jon Bovi, “Wanted Dead or Alive” moment?
2. You’re actually not afraid of speaking. That’s not what you fear at all. How do I know? You speak all day. You do it in meetings and in carpools and on the phone. Since you were a child, you’ve had a pretty firm grasp on speaking. Speaking is actually not the real issue. What you’re afraid of is looking foolish and unfortunately, public speaking offers a wonderful opportunity for that. Your fear is that you’re stuck on stage, under hot lights while people make fun of how terrible you are. The reason it’s important to know this distinction is then we can fight the real problem.
3. When we’re afraid of looking foolish, we sometimes think that people are just waiting for us to mess up. We imagine them on the edge of their seats ready for us to fail in some spectacular way. That’s not the case at all. On the contrary, people in the audience want us to win. Nobody likes watching a failure unfold, especially a public one on stage. It’s excruciating. We all feel so gross watching a train wreck like that. People would much rather laugh and learn and leave refreshed from your speech. I would argue that 99% of the time, the audience is on your side. The minute you step on stage, tell yourself, “These people want me to win. They are on my side.”
4. There are four ways to beat fear. Some of them are obvious, but this first one usually surprises people. The first is to go out and watch other people give speeches. One of the best places is an open mic night at a comedy club near you. Dozens of the world’s best comedians got there start that way. Why does it work? Because you’re going to see some people who are terrible. You’re going to see the worst comedians you’ve ever seen. And you know what you’ll say in that moment? “I can do better than that.” You would be amazed at how many careers have been launched with the phrase, “I can do better than that.” This is the opposite of what some people teach. They say, “Go watch TED videos” and I think that has value eventually. But it’s horrible advice when you’re working through fear. “Go watch the best people in the world do the thing that is hard for you. That will be encouraging!”
5. The second way to beat your fear is to practice hard. I’m not talking about doing a ton of paid gigs, which might be impossible at first. I’m talking about getting your speeches down to the point where you feel comfortable. It might take your 8 full dress rehearsals in your home office before you feel good enough to give a speech. That's OK. It takes a lot of practice to deliver an amazing speech.
6. The third way to beat your fear is to give more speeches. It’s like anything else you do, the more you do it, the less you fear it. Repetition forces fear to lose its power over you. The pushback to this idea should be, “But I can’t get any paying gigs right now.” Who said anything about paying gigs? We’re not trying to overcome your fear of not having money. We’re trying to overcome your fear of public speaking. Give a speech at a nursing home. Join toastmasters. Volunteer to read the announcements at church. If you look hard enough, even in a small town, you can find ways to give speeches and get better. Set your gig bar lower and new opportunities will open up that you might have missed previously.
7. The fourth and final way to beat your fear is to simply accept it. What if you’ll always be a little afraid and that’s OK? What if that’s not failure, that’s just part of the game? I’ve given hundreds of speeches over the last few years and there’s still moments of nerves for me. It might be a big audience or a new client or a new speech, but there are still times when I feel anxious. I don’t let that stop me though. Sometimes, instead of beating fear which has a tinge of perfection to it, you have to learn to live with it. Someone famous who I have forgotten, but was possibly Hemingway, once said that you’ll always be afraid because that’s how you know you’re making progress. He said this happens because you keep doing bigger and bigger things. If you get comfortable talking to 100 people, maybe talking to 1,000 stirs all that fear right back up. If you get comfortable talking to 1,000, maybe talking to 2,000 stirs all that fear right back up. Learn to live with it.

Is public speaking scary? It is, but I think the same thing that makes public speaking scary also makes it fun. It’s a high emotion game. It’s packed with possibility. The possibility of looking foolish is what frightens us, but the possibility of winning is what excites us. And both are present at every gig you do.

Don’t be afraid. We all feel it sometimes, but we all do it anyway and so can you.

If you want to get better at public speaking, check out the free ideas I share each week.