7 things we need to do when our spouse lost their jobs

Our spouse lost their job and we feel at loss on how to help. Yet, as a career coach since 2010, I've seen how support from relatives really makes a difference to find a job quicker. Here are 7 things that proved to work well.

1. Allow them to vent out for a couple of days

Losing a job triggers sadness over the lack of recognition for the time and efforts dedicated in the organization, sometimes even anger or revenge. Maybe joy to feel free again and away from this nasty boss or overwhelming tasks too!

Often fears and anxiety about the future and the consequences for our loved ones

• Where will the next source of income come from?
• How to tell our family?
• What will happen for the children?

The trick is to allow your spouse to vent out, yet not to fuel these emotions by adding on your own fears and setting a time limit so it doesn't last for ever.

'Yes, Honey, I've heard your anger and deception. I understand it's been a tough time last week. Now, what shall we do with that now? How do we move forward today?'

You can lend a most precious listening ear to help navigate these emotions and set a time limit.

2. Set aside sustainability funds

I've worked 10 years to help senior leaders find THE job that suits them best and it took them from 2 to 18 months. The average is 9 months when the economic situation provides more job offers than demands. With the pandemic, the job market is getting way more tense, hence it will definitely take longer.

For those who plan to change sectors, either because this one is no longer viable or because they dream of a major career change, the process takes longer as well.

So, you need to have a conversation about finances, finding out what are your essential commitments, where you can reduce expenses if needed and to ensure you set money aside.

You can help setting funds aside to ensure you have at least 18 months of cash to cover essentials.

3. Facilitate the communication with relatives

When we feel ashamed and worried, we don't necessarily communicate the strongest confident message to our loved ones and they may worry even more than necessary.

Agreeing with your spouse about who needs to know what helps to clarify the situation, to align what you both would like to say and define who tells what to whom.

Then, when it comes to inform your children, you may introduce the subject and provide assurance that you are confident about your resourcefulness to get out of this painful situation, then share about the consequences that directly impact them.

You may prefer to handle the communication to the relatives yourself rather than your spouse to save your spouse managing additional emotions beyond their.

You can agree with your spouse to share facts with your loved ones, as well as the direct consequences for them and your trust in your ability to bounce back.

4. Call their cheerleaders

There must be in your network some people who are courageous and enthusiastic, who know your spouse well and would be most precious to cheer them up or even just take a step back and analyze the situation with serenity or simply confide.

Asking them for help, even by just having a short call over the phone with your spouse. You can pick people who have known your spouse for bouncing back over something difficult in the past. Reminding your spouse about their resourcefulness will lift them up!

Best is to do it early in the process as it can help your spouse to feel surrounded by reliable and trusted people, to feel they count for others and really are trustworthy.

You can ask people who witnessed your spouse bounce back in the past to have a chat together. Courageous people lift each other up and help to feel worthy, appreciated and valued.

5. Show your care, affection and love

From losing a job towards finding THE job that suits them best, your spouse will go through a grieving process that makes them feel truly insecure. You can really ease and shorten the grieving process by showing care, by offering affectionate presence, by providing these little attentions that demonstrate how much you love your spouse, no matter what the situation is.

Kind words for something they did, reminding them about a precious moment you shared, preparing their favorite food, cuddling more often than ever, complimenting on what you love about them, etc. All ideas are totally fine and you can be as creative as you wish, as long as it demonstrates positive strokes and unconditional love.

You can provide caring attentions, loving presence and anything crazy that please you both to demonstrate unconditional love.

6. Celebrate victories, no matter how little

Losing job often means losing the sense of accomplishment and success, as well as social recognition. Since finding THE job can take several months, it can turn into a most vicious circle to live without accomplishments, dramatically attacking the self-confidence and self-esteem as well.

Inviting your spouse to lead little projects they likes helps to cultivate that sense of pride for their accomplishment. If your spouse does a fantastic job creating photo-albums for each of your child or setting a website for your nephew or organizing a virtual Halloween party or repainting the entrance door or negotiating a new contract with your insurance, all these are worth your noticing and celebrating.

Victories, no matter how little help to keep confidence in our own ability to master some skills, to lead projects independently towards success and to accomplish something. With recognition from someone else, this process gets significantly boosted.

You can notice progress and celebrate accomplishments on projects, no matter how little and how diverse.

It tremendously helps to keep self-confidence up.

7. Recommend professional support

Updating a CV or LinkedIn profile seems so easy, just a few lines to twist. But, when it comes to update our OWN CV or Linked In profile, that's a very different story...

Your spouse may well spend ages seeking for the right word, reading 30+ articles on how to present or not present their hobbies, scanning through hundreds of job offers to find the competencies to put first, watching dozens of webinars from the latest LinkedIn guru...

Revamping a CV till it becomes stunning takes so much energy and efforts that it ends up draining and people often procrastinate. Then, it blocks them as they don't seek for interviews waiting for their CV to be ready, they miss to follow-up with opportunities as they feel their CV need to be completed first. Same thing goes with Linked In profile...

Unfortunately, the more you offer to help your spouse on this, the more tension you create because you stress on their insecurity, their pain points and you just worsen the situation. Since you are emotionally involved with your spouse, you also have too much to lose if you challenge your spouse to the core. You may have witnessed your spouse in less than glorious days so it can be difficult to fully trust their potential to succeed. And you may need to respect their secret garden to preserve your relationship as well.

A professional career Coach has more freedom to be direct and challenging. In career coaching, I simplify the process for your spouse so they can move on. I help them focusing on the elements that truly matter on a CV, on the essential researches needed for a powerful converting LinkedIn profile. I give constructive feedback, clarify and challenge until the final version. I keep them accountable and won't allow them to procrastinate. It shortens the process tremendously.

You can recommend professional career coaching. I help shortening the process tremendously and making it much lighter for all involved.

Not sure how to convince your spouse to get professional help?

Just share this link to my complimentary assessment with your spouse ;-)

Is your Linked In profile ready to land job opportunities yet?

A LITTLE NOTE FROM A CLIENT

Just received yesterday from a guy of few words who finally reached that meaningful milestone of completing a CV he's now proud to share with people seeking for his skills.

Thanks for the feedback/inputs. Made it much less painful to progress :-)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marianne Dupuis is a Leadership & Career Coach, helping leaders to find THE job best suited for them. So far, 100% success with leaders who found in 2 to 18 months.

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