7 things I learned from John Durham

Many people in the digital advertising industry are taking inventory today. That is because a lion among us has moved on from this world. John Durham passed away yesterday.

There are some people—you'll be lucky to meet three of them in your life—that have a truly tectonic impact on their communities in life.

These are people that through the sheer and natural force of their being, create an impact on the lives of sheer waves of people. They attract with their charisma. They endear with their humility. They inspire with their brilliance. They endow with their generosity.

The Durham was one of these rare humans.

I am very sad that he passed away today. He was a mentor and a friend to me. Not just to me, but seemingly to hundreds of people. Maybe thousands. Seriously. He certainly impacted thousands.

I always called John "The Mayor" because he was literally the fulcrum of the digital media community as I've come to know it over the past two decades. He, more than anyone I can point to, was responsible for making it more than just an industry, but a community.

He had so much charm and wisdom and he so eagerly shared it with everyone he came into contact with.

In the spirit of sharing wisdom with our community that John embraced and embodied, I wanted to share some of those lessons with you today.

Lesson 1: There is a Return on Generosity

Durhamism #2870:

How wise it [is] to think about judging each day [not] by the harvest but by the seeds of what you plant. One neglect makes 10 neglects.

Our industry is obsessed with ROI. We look at every investment and want to quantify what we get back. We begrudgingly accept that we can't measure everything, and we seek to justify outlays that provide indirect returns.

Not John.

He made giving back an art form. He relentlessly invested his time in his community. He shared his wisdom, his time, his energy, his interest, and his attention. If you were lucky enough to get to know him well, he'd even share his wine.

What did he get back? It starts with love. My social media feeds are overrun today with expressions of love, admiration, respect and gratitude. John didn't measure the harvest. He made a life of planting seeds.

Many of those seeds ultimately led to professional outcomes. John was a successful man, after all. But he wasn't keeping score. John just gave whatever he could whenever he could. There were many levels of returns, but I believe his generosity was spiritual in nature. What he got back from it, first and foremost, was nourishment for his soul.

Lesson 2: The Quiet Power of Humility

Durhamism #2499:

Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts. It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all. Do not underestimate, in a world of self-confident bluster, the sexiness of being quiet and unassuming and, at times, a little lost.

John Durham was a living legend a long time before his passing. Yet, he, more than anyone helped cure me of my Imposter Syndrome as I made every mistake in the book building my business over the past 20 years.

We used to have breakfasts in San Francisco every once in a while. I would share my struggles to this guy I admired so much, and he let me know without that he had experienced every one. Every mistake I made, he could relate to. Every obstacle I faced, he'd been there. And he shared this with me without a hint of arrogance.

One of the Durhamisms I couldn't find that I wanted to quote was something along the lines of "Stop presenting. Vulnerability is what people fall in love with."

I do tai chi. Tai chi is a martial art based on the absence of force. By being straight about your truth, being open and being fluid, you can feel where your opponent wants to go and use their own energy and momentum to guide them there.

That was what John did. He was confident enough to be straight, humble enough to be open and vulnerable enough to be fluid. He never seemed to need to force his agenda. His humility laid the foundation for his legacy.

Lesson 3: Defy Convention

Durhamism #2792:

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage — to move in the opposite direction.

One of my favorite stories about John was actually told to me my our mutual friend, Bill Pearce. About ten or fifteen years ago, Bill was the CMO of Del Monte and they were looking for an agency. They invited Catalyst SF in for a capabilities presentation.

Bill walks into the conference room, and what does he see? No projector. No PowerPoint. Just John Durham and a few members of his team sitting a conference table behind an arrangement of about 30 or 40 products plucked off of of supermarket shelves.

"I'll bite. What's this?" says Bill.

"Pick one," says John, "and we'll tell you how we sold it."

Catalyst won the business.

Ordinary is the enemy of extraordinary. Not only did they break the mold when they made John Durham, he kept breaking it again and again.

Lesson 4: Community Matters

Durhamism #2858:

Together — one of the most inspiring words in the English language. Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success. A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together!

John understood the power of relationships. I was honored and delighted when he invited my and my wife Katie to his home for "pizza & pinot" (another Durhamism, for sure).

But he also believed deeply in the power of fostering relationships between others. He was constantly bringing others together—and in the process, he knitted the fabric of the digital advertising community.

From iMedia to the Aspen Group to sfBIG to ad:tech to the IAB to those amazing wine and steak dinners at Harris's, John was at the center of them all. If you were there at the time, can you imagine how many deals were done because of relationships that started at iMedia alone? Undoubtedly, billions.

At the core of them all was John building and weaving relationships, believing at his core that we are stronger together.

Let's keep that going, ok?

Lesson 5: Drink Good Wine

Durhamism #804:

Hug harder. Laugh louder. Smile bigger. Love longer. Live better.

If you knew John, you knew that he loved wine. Life is too short not to drink the good stuff.

That philosophy applied to every aspect of John's life. He was determined to squeeze every last drop of experience, joy, love, and friendship he could out of his time on this world.

His passing is a reminder that all of our lives are fleeting. Make the most of them.

Lesson 6: Keep Perspective

Durhamism # 2801:

The only thing that has to be finished by next Tuesday is next Monday

Like any entrepreneur, over the course of 20 years running a business, I've had some great times and some really, really challenging times when I had to make incredibly hard decisions.

My breakfasts with John over the years were like therapy sessions. His encouragement helped me believe in my gut and accept that whatever decisions or mistakes I made, there would always be a next decision to make, so just decide and move on.

I learned that things don't always work out like you planned—in fact, they almost never do—but they always work out. If you internalize that, you can walk through life with peace in your heart.

Lesson 7: Today is wonderful.

“It’s the most exciting and innovative time to be [working]. We’re balancing our lives right, we’re fostering incredible people to do incredible work, and they’re doing it at their pace, bringing smarter and better. I just think that this is an extraordinary time to be alive.”

This quote was not a Durhamism, but they were the last words I ever heard from my dear friend John.

A marketing publication called The Drum invited a group of San Francisco agency leaders to participate in a roundtable discussion on the future of marketing. John showed up to the Zoom with his camera off. The session was held on November 2. John passed away on November 15 and I've been told he had surgery for an ongoing stomach issue a few weeks before. So, he was probably sitting in his hospital bed, but true to form, he makes it a priority to show up for this call.

I think he knew he was nearing the end. And the last words I heard him say were "this is an extraordinary time to be alive." And then he hung up.

Just fucking wow.

Appreciate today people. Embrace the world that's out there.