7 Steps School Leaders Must Follow to Become Great Listeners

The practice of listening is crucial to our daily lives. From a personal and professional context alike, it is difficult to imagine an action more omnipresent in our daily activities. Thus, it stands to reason we should focus our efforts to improve as listeners.

We may have more work to do than we think. According to Holmes (2017),  “...research shows that the average person listens with only 25 percent efficiency -- meaning there's a lot we're letting go in one ear and out the other.” So, how do we close that 75% gap and become more effective listeners?

The good news is that listening is a skill, and as such, we can all become better listeners through practice and discipline. With that in mind, take a few moments and review the 7 Steps School Leaders Must Follow to Become Great Listeners discussed below. The return on investment will be significant.

Establish empathetic spaces. Effective listeners make the speaker feel understood and valued. Wherever possible, eliminate physical indicators of positional authority. For example, do not hold the conversation from behind your desk. Instead, sit across a small conference table from the other person or engage in a walking meeting. This breaks down the barrier of hierarchy and allows the speaker to communicate more authentically. Further, engage in mirroring behavior. “By mirroring a person’s posture...you step into what it feels like to be them” (Comaford, 2017). As the listener, you gain a deeper appreciation for the speaker’s circumstance. To the speaker, mirroring communicates empathy and brings a personalization into the space and conversation.

Close your computer screen and put away your phone. This simple, yet powerful action, communicates to the speaker your focus and attention. It lets her know you are present. While the pull exists to finish typing that next sentence, or open the newly-arrived email, the most effective way to sincerely engage the other person is to simply close the screen. According to Daum (2014), providing “the gift of your attention” will also serve to encourage the speaker. In our distracted culture, attention is not often given in full. The speaker is likely not used to receiving another’s undivided attention. Daum further asserted, “Most people are so accustomed to having half of someone else’s focus at any given moment that this gesture alone will make them feel important and it will allow you to actually hear what they are saying.” Closing the screen adds value to both the speaker and listener. It’s a win-win.

Maintain eye contact. While engaging in conversation, avoid looking at other people as they pass by or checking your phone when it vibrates. Be present in the precise moment you are experiencing and communicate your attention to the speaker with your eyes. Nothing communicates interest on the part of the listener more powerfully than eye contact. In fact, “Eye contact is one of the easiest and most powerful ways to make a person feel recognized, understood and validated” (Harbinger, 2015). As a leader, it is critical staff enjoy a sense of validation, understanding, and recognition from their supervisor and/or colleague. From this foundation, trusting relationships can be established and nurtured.

Practice patience. Effective listeners are genuinely interested in the feelings, experiences, and ideas of others. They do not listen simply as a means of solving a problem. They are not formulating their response while the other person is still speaking. Instead, effective listeners recognize listening is a process, and contributes to an ultimately productive decision down the line. Listening requires patience. In application, “Great listeners know that every conversation they have isn't going to resolve a larger issue -- but it puts them one step closer to understanding the people they communicate with on a daily basis” (Holmes, 2017). To be effective, leaders must approach the practice of listening as an investment, whose realized value may not be immediate.

Be active, but do not take over the conversation. Listening is not a passive action. To the contrary. Done well, it is highly interactive. Effective listeners ask clarifying questions, check for understanding, or add a confirming insight. They contribute to the conversation without taking it over. As such, the speaker maintains the leadership role, establishing the direction and pace of the conversation. Engaging in active listening allows the listener to hear what the speaker truly desires to communicate. An important aspect of active listening is asking questions.  Zenger and Folkman (2016) shared “...asking a good question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was said, but that they comprehended it well enough to want additional information.” As a result, the speaker experiences further validation and is more likely to be transparent and open to feedback.

Pay attention to nonverbal cues. Observing nonverbal cues can help the listener interpret what the speaker is really sharing. While not necessarily conclusive in isolation, attending to these cues provides context to the words the speaker chooses to use. For instance, “Suddenly crossing his or her arms may indicate defensiveness or dissembling. No such cues are dispositive; they merely alert the good listener” (Nemko, 2014). Receiving accurate information from the speaker is crucial. Accurately receiving the true essence of the speaker’s message allows the listener to respond appropriately, both in the moment and in future decisions related to the conversation.

Paraphrase at the end of the conversation. Paraphrasing confirms the listener accurately received the information shared. It also assures the speaker the message was received. Molinsky (2017) elaborated, “Paraphrasing is capturing - and communicating - the essence of what someone is saying, but in your own words. When you paraphrase well, you show you really ‘get’ what the other person is saying.” Paraphrasing also helps the listener process the conversation moving forward with a concrete summary. This summary informs future decisions and conversations. It helps the brain organize the information. While much of the conversation may be lost over time, the ‘core’ of the conversation should be preserved. And effective paraphrasing facilitates quality retention.

As a school leader, are you consistently achieving these 7 steps to effective listening? Might you more powerfully drive your school’s strategic objectives if you became a more skilled listener? Perhaps most plainly, how might you better serve your students and staff if listening became an area of proficiency? With the answers to these questions in mind, I encourage you to reflect and take practical steps towards becoming a better listener.  

Comaford, C. (2017). 3 Practices to Become a Great Listener. www.forbes.com. Retrieved February 26, 2019.

Daum, K. (2014). 5 Skills of Really Amazing Listeners. www.inc.com. Retrieved February 27, 2019.

Harbinger, AJ. (2015). 7 Things Everyone Should Know About the Power of Eye Contact. www.businessinsider.com. Retrieved February 27, 2019.

Holmes, L. (2017). 9 Things Good Listeners Do Differently. www.huffpost.com. Retrieved February 26, 2019.

Molinsky, A. (2017). Want to be a Great Listener? Do This 1 Thing. www.psychologytoday.com. Retrieved February 26, 2019.

Nemko, M. (2014). How to Become a Better Listener. www.psychologytoday.com. Retrieved February 26, 2019.

Zenger, J & Folkman, J. (2016). What Great Listeners Actually Do. hbr.org. Retrieved February 26, 2019.