7 Simple Steps to Overcoming Being Overwhelmed

I recently did a workshop for high performing and high potential medical doctors. They were the budding elite in their profession -- exceptional surgeons, diagnosticians, and clinicians. They published papers pushing the boundaries of their specialties; they met with patients and literally saved lives; they actively served the medical profession (e.g., AMA volunteers); and they taught in medical school and mentored residents. They were also trying to manage the complexity of their professional lives with family (parents, spouses, partners, children), friends, personal well being (hobbies, exercise, investing). They were involved in so many good causes as their professional training made the world a much better place. And they were overwhelmed. 

When I coach rising business leaders probably 50 to 60% of their questions are about finding a way to cope with their increasing demands. Many of these issues are making choices between professional, personal, and family aspirations. Both men and women struggle with trying to “do it all” but it is particularly poignant with women who try to be high performing professionals (increasing job scope and promotions), attentive spouses (many have husbands who have secondary careers), and mothers (sometimes with their biological clock running down). And, they feel overwhelmed.

It is a blessing and privilege to be labeled high potential. High potentials have a bright future because they see things that need to be done that others don’t see; they deliver on promises and get things done; they have great emotional intelligence as they work with others and make them feel better; they care about people; and they have strong character and values. People can often recognize high potentials who are generally 5 to 15% of a workforce in a company.

It is also a curse and millstone to be a high potential. Since high potentials can do more, they get asked to do more, and more, and more. Most high potentials have a record of success in all that they do so they continually take on more assignments and get them done. They define success through achievement and doing more is a sign of that success. Then, as the opportunities accumulate, they run into the curse of being high potential, which is being overwhelmed. The millstone of being high potential is that we all have limits where we are inundated with being anxiously engaged in too many good causes.

So, what counsel would I give aspiring high potential employees? 

1. Have a long term view. 

We cannot do all things right now, but we can do most things over time. It is so easy with the demands of a young family, burgeoning career, exciting professional opportunities, and alluring personal hobbies to try to be excellent at all things all at once. Not possible for most of us. Maturity means having perspective and patience of a longer term view and realizing that not all good choices have to be made today. Claiming a long term perspective is not procrastination if today’s actions are consistent with long term aspirations. A long term view requires patient scorecards of success, not tallied daily, weekly, or monthly, but annually and in decades. The curse of high potentials who try to do all good causes all at once is mitigated with a long term view. 

2. Focus on what we do more than what we do not do. 

Complaining about being overwhelmed because of opportunity is a little like complaining about high taxes because of high income. At times, high potentials need to pause and see they have accomplished and allow themselves to celebrate success. When we see what we have done, we can be less anxious about what remains to be done. I recall when our Why of Work book made a best seller list and I was already antsy about the next book. My partner and friend, Norm Smallwood, chastised and challenged me to “savor this moment” which counsel applies to much of our lives. It is so easy to obsess about the past and what we did not do well or the future where we hope to do well rather than be mindful about the present. By focusing on what we do in the present, we move forward more than languishing in the past or lamenting about the future.

3. Redefine success. 

Sometimes success is being the best in everything we do, the top of the class, the best at a hobby, the best parent, the best spouse, the best speaker, the best church calling, and best of class. Another definition of success is being engaged in the right causes without being the best. To satisfice is to participate and to do something well enough, but not to optimize all choices. I satisfice yard work, first drafts of papers, powerpoint slides, how I dress, how I eat, e-mail responses, and how I exercise. But, I am present in these activities. I hope I can discern when to optimize and attend to those things that matter most. We should change the undisciplined pursuit of more into a disciplined process of doing more on the few things that matter most. I hope my scorecard of success does not require being the best at everything. While being present and active in many things, I can then focus on a few things. It is intellectually and emotionally acceptable to manage a balanced life. When my wife Wendy was starting her PhD and I was starting my new faculty role at Michigan, we had Michael, our third child. Wendy and I could not both succeed in all things. She was not the top student in all of her classes and I was not the top publisher in my field. Our collective success was higher than either of us could have done individually, but we each redefined success as not being the best in all things.

4. Don’t delegate, focus. 

It is easy to say “what can I delegate” for someone else to do. Instead, I would counsel overwhelmed people to say “what are the few things I simply can not delegate,” then focus on those things and leave the rest to others. Part of focus is asking “whose decision is this” and if it is not my decision, let it go. It is seductive to get involved in decisions that others can more readily (and often more accurately) make. I like to ask, “what do you think?” when faced with a problem and if the person has insights and clear thoughts, then it is likely that this is their decision, not mine. Once it is clear that someone else has the responsibility, let them have it; do not oversee, second guess, or micro manage. Spend time on what matters most. 

5. Manage time as the most critical resource. 

We often have financial budgets where we know that we have to spend limited money wisely and avoid debt dependence. We need to manage time even more carefully than money. If we don’t control our time, others will readily do it for us. Managing time means recognizing how much time an activity is worth and spending only that time on the activity. In coaching leaders, I call this a “return on time invested” (ROTI) index. How much time do you have to spend preparing that speech? Meeting with the employees? Visiting a site? This often means spending less time obsessing about getting something right than getting it done. Managing time also allows me to be present when present. Sometimes this means simply NOT doing things, doing them less often, or doing them differently. Managing time forces a prioritization of the important over the urgent. Wendy and I have learned that this sometimes means getting away for a few days with each other to reconnect and renew. Managing time means having predictable patterns or times of day for study, exercise, meals, and reflection. 

6. Multi task when possible. 

Sometimes, it is important to fully concentrate on an important task at hand (e.g., writing a paper, hanging out with kids), but sometimes one task can serve multiple purposes. Wendy and I connect best when doing routine household errands like returning something, going to post office, or grocery shopping. When our kids were young, I would try to take each of them on a trip with me once a year where I would work during the day, but then spend one on one time with kids in the evening. I enjoy and watch sports while walking on the treadmill. Co authoring a paper becomes a means of building a personal relationship with the co author as much as writing a better paper. 

7. Muddle through and move forward...

...by talking, doing, failing, learning and talking some more. At this stage in our lives, Wendy and I get asked, “how did you do it? how did you both do PhD’s, have relatively successful careers, raise good kids, and be active at church?” We have no clue. We muddled. We tried things and they sometimes worked and more often did not work. When we goofed, often with my working addiction and being gone too much, we talked. These were painful talks because Wendy did not want to intrude on what mattered to me and I already felt guilty about not doing all things all the time. But we committed to muddling by experimenting, learning, failing, improving, and moving forward. By muddling together, we stayed committed to making “it” (our good causes) work.

As we take responsibility for our actions, we exercise agency and we can be anxiously engaged in a few good causes. The curse of high potential can be shifted to an opportunity for high performance.