7 Self-Esteem Hacks
Nick Hatter, FCTC, MAC (Fellow)
Psychotherapeutic Coach & Life Coach | Featured on Forbes, BBC, Vogue, The Guardian and The Financial Times
Without adequate self-esteem, many things including our work, relationships and health will suffer. It is akin to building a house on sand and not on concrete. As a London life coach, I have seen too often clients suffer because of low self-esteem.
Self-esteem is like oxygen for the soul.
There are several facets to esteeming the self which I outline below in the hopes that it will help you.
1. Admit you are imperfect but loveable
Whenever we view ourselves as perfect, whenever something cracks this self-constructed false reality, it tends to leave us devastated and crippled. Thus the solution I have found is to accept one’s self as inherently imperfect but loveable.
When you were a baby, you could not speak, do anything unassisted, you were clumsy, you soiled yourself, and you made a mess. And yet, you were still loveable! That inner baby is still within you today, so love it with all of your heart!
The best way I know how to do this is by admitting “I am imperfect†and by being willing to apologise quickly for any mistakes I may have made.
The more you view yourself as perfect, the more it is going to hurt when you inevitably fall short (as all humans do).
2. Recognise your intrinsic strengths and weaknesses
Comparing one’s self to others can be a common source of self-esteem failures. For example, we see someone who is slimmer, more attractive, more wealthy, more accomplished or someone who has what we don’t have, such as a romantic partner, children, property, prestige and so forth.
When we make these surface-level comparisons, we can very quickly feel less-than, worthless, and less loveable.
A great tool you can use is to look at your intrinsic strengths and weaknesses.
For example, yes, this person may be more accomplished in one area of life. However, I have my own gifts: I am entrepreneurial, both intellectual and spiritual, I am empathic, I am a successful London life coach.
Similarly, if I find myself feeling unjustly superior to someone else, I can remind myself of my inherent weaknesses: I can be intense, moody, over-sensitive, workaholic and insecure.
The best place to be is neutral: you have your strengths and weaknesses, and I have mine – neither of us is better or worse.
Keep in mind to not compare your insides with others’ outsides and be mindful that everyone has inherent strengths and weaknesses.
3. Make peace with your existence
What are your core beliefs? Do you believe you are here by mistake? Are you just flesh and bones? Were you just born by chance, or is there a greater plan for your life? Is your life meaningless?
As a Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) Master Practitioner, I believe that our core beliefs (our spirituality) determine how we decide, think, feel and act.
As such, I find it most helpful to believe that I am a child of the Universe, I have a right to be here, I belong, and the Universe has a greater plan for my life.
The alternative might be spiritual cynicism; you exist by some sheer chance, you are but an ant amongst a terrifying cryptic cosmic cypher and your life does not matter nor does the Universe care whether or not you live or you die.
Which core beliefs serve you the best? Re-think your beliefs.