7 Deadly Mistakes of Coaching

One of your roles as a manager is people developer (an unassailable MUST). Putting your coach hat on from time to time is a proven and powerful way to bring out the best in your people. So, as you coach your direct reports, be sure to avoid common mistakes that put the kibosh on your good intentions.

For your success, here are seven deadly mistakes that I’ve uncovered from twenty years as an executive coach . I’m sharing these without fanfare or stories – straight up definition and what to do about it. But first, let's level set our discussion by defining coaching:

coaching is a relationship that accelerates results and learning through trust, curiosity, and collaboration.

• Results and learning: It’s not enough to make someone faster, they’ve gotta be smarter, too. Focus on performance as well as insight.
• Trust: Well, obviously! Do you have their best interest at heart? If they don't feel your good intentions, then the whole process is off - you can't have a growth focused relationship if someone doesn't feel safe.
• Curiosity: Both coach and coachee have to come to the conversations with intellectual humility and an open mind.
• Collaboration: If you’re not in this shoulder to shoulder, it ain’t coaching. Coaching requires shared effort, otherwise it's training or disciplining.

?Mistake 1 - Mistiming

Coaching isn’t the answer to all managerial situations. There are six employee states: beginning, growing, mastering, slipping, faltering, and failing. The best timing for coaching works is in the Growing and Mastering states. In the Beginning state it's better to train. In Slipping and Faltering it's best to counsel, and in Failing you have to straight up discipline.

Do Not

• Try to apply coaching as the solution to every situation
• Be fooled into giving away autonomy
• Coach disciplinary issues
• Coach “green” staffers that don't know what to do

Do

• Match coaching to task or role needs
• Hone your discipline skills
• Align your readiness to theirs
• Set the right context

Mistake 2 - Straining

Since coaching is a collaborative experience, both parties are engaged in meaningful outcome. If the coach is working too hard to “pull the person along,” that’s no coaching at all.

Do Not

• Sell, sell, sell
• Heroically solve their problem
• Rush to closure and give the answers
• Treat coaching as a one-way exchange

Do

• Agree on a common objective
• Invite them to bring ideas
• Ask them to state their learning
• Let silence do the heavy lifting - wait, insights take a moment

Mistake 3 - Windbagging

Coaching relies more on listening and asking than on speaking and telling. Coaches that fall in love with their own voices or enamored with their knowledge end up limiting the learning ability of the other.

Do Not

• Neglect to ask how you can be most helpful
• Give them the answer
• Give well-meaning advice
• Enthrall them with stories

Do

• Speak less than 50%
• Make quick notes of your ideas
• Use open ended questions
• Get your validation elsewhere

Mistake 4 - Colluding

There’s an art to challenging the other person in coaching and not agreeing with their outdated thinking or behavior. Colluding is working within the mistakes of the other, it doesn’t advance them.

Do Not

• Avoid saying what needs to be said
• Adopt a ‘Don't Rock the Boat’ mentality
• Prioritize comfort over effort
• Fall into their reality distortion

Do

• Cultivate your courage
• Build, rebuild, and reinforce trust
• Listen for their limiting beliefs and shine a light on them

Mistake 5 - Correcting

Coaching is more than just fixing, it’s about evolving and growing. Too many coaches lose credibility as they focus on corrective action more than on development. Corrective action isn’t technically coaching, it’s disciplining.

Do Not

• Only coach problem performers
• Use coaching as a precursor to termination
• Ignore your top performers!
• Discount training

Do

• Pay more attention to your top 20%
• Discern attitude from ability
• Continue to train for skills
• Remove chronic underperformers

Mistake 6 - Releasing

Coaches tend to let go of their focus and topic before they get commitment. This breaks the cycle of accountability. End each conversation with some version of, “what, specifically, will you do to apply what we discussed?”

Do Not

• Wrap up without a check in
• Only focus on learning
• Finish without a commitment
• Forget to set a follow up time

Do

• Ask, “what stands out for you?”
• Confirm actionable commitments
• Set a follow up time

Mistake 7 - Discounting

This mistake is about not going all the way. Managers coach for a while, and then drop into friendship, management, or forgetting to coach altogether. Change and growth take time, feedback, and repetition. Keep your coaching process going until you see success.

Do Not

• Stop coaching when “real” work becomes urgent
• Fizzle out after a couple of meetings
• Revert to being directive when they make a mistake

Do

• Persevere in the process
• Make the time, you won’t find it
• Develop the habit
• Coach more coaches

Keep practicing your coaching skills, they are game changers for managers!