7 Common Mistakes Midlife Women Make and How to Navigate Them

Because Midlife Shouldn’t Suck, and It’s Not a Crisis!

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I am 51, proudly and gratefully so. I own every wrinkle, scar, tear, and love handle that has come along with this age. I’ve found myself reflecting a lot on this season. I also feel a call to serve women navigating this season as a coach, mentor, and cheerleader.

Women in our 40s and 50s are at a unique juncture: We are caregivers, leaders, parents/aunties, partners/spouses/significant others. We are doing it at work and at home. We are leading in organizations and in our communities. With so much going on around us and within us, it is easy to lose ourselves. At that juncture, responsibilities abound—work, family, community…everyone wants a piece of us.

As I have observed my own life and the lives of women around me, I have realized that we make avoidable mistakes that make our lives that complicate our lives and place us squarely in that mid-life crisis space. But midlife need not be a time of multiple crises…at least in my view, some can be avoided, and others more successfully navigated.

First, many women in their 40s and 50s fail to set clear goals. That is, we get so busy doing life, running things, and being responsible that we might be on autopilot rather than intentional about the direction of our lives. Without a clear, well-thought-out life goal, it can be easy to exist rather than live fully. Take some time to reflect on what you want out of life at this juncture – not what you wanted in your past life, but what you want now. Write down some concrete goals and create a plan for achieving them. This is why coaching has become so popular for women in this age group. We realize that we need to recalibrate our life direction, and having a coach helps us do just that.

Second, it is so easy to be so busy as to forget self-care.? We end up feeling like there are not enough hours in our day, week, or month to take care of all the people and things on our plate or that taking care of ourselves is selfish. But it's critical to carve out time to recharge and refocus. I will not dictate how much time you should set aside for self-care, or even how often…but just know that if you do not care for yourself intentionally, you will be forced into it by circumstances – like a car that hasn’t received the necessary service, you will break down. Or burnout. Or both. I've been there and done that…so I’ve become more vigilant about ‘scheduled maintenance’ to avoid breakdowns and burnout.

Third, many women of a certain age shy away from taking risks. It's easy to fall into a routine or to stay in the safety of your comfort zone. For me, I overstayed my welcome in a job I had grown to hate, working with people I could no longer trust in an environment without psychological safety, all because I was afraid to cut my losses and start over. Well, eventually, after I suffered a heart attack and a PTSD diagnosis, I finally took that step. Turns out, it’s not so bad out here. It’s pretty exciting, starting over and recalibrating. Taking risks is vital for personal growth. So join me in taking a chance on something new, even if it's a small step. You might surprise yourself with the results.

Fourth, some women don't trust their intuition. Instead, they rely too heavily on what others think or what's considered "normal." Here’s the problem — your intuition is powerful and can help you make better decisions. As women, intuition is a gift that Mother Nature bestows upon us. She determined we needed it and gave us much more than the men. Intuition —that ability to make decisions informed by experience and external cues and do it fast, unconsciously—is a gift we should never ignore. That gut instinct is one of our most important strengths. Don't be afraid to trust it.

Fifth, women of a certain age get so busy, as already stated, that they don't prioritize their relationships. Getting caught up in work or other obligations and neglecting your relationships is easy. We go from one responsibility to the next, from one obligation here to another one there, doing this and doing that. Yet, as women, we need our social networks, friends, and family. They are the glue that keeps us connected with ourselves. Those relationships are essential for keeping us grounded and supported.?

Sixth, by the time we get to our late forties and into our fifties, we’ve had a few challenges, struggles, and negative experiences —it is easy then for some women to fail to take ownership of their lives. Instead, they blame others for their struggles (rightfully so) and don't take responsibility for their own choices. Here’s the thing, though: even though others may have caused you grief, pain, and struggle, at the end of the day, you are responsible for your own life. You have to take control of your life and your choices. Embrace that power and take ownership of your decisions.

Finally, some women struggle to believe in themselves. I am sure you have read an article or twenty about imposter syndrome—those feelings of inadequacy that can inflict even high-achieving women. It's easy to get caught up in self-doubt, but it's essential to have faith in yourself and your abilities. Even as I write this, I had to give myself a pep-talk —that I am qualified and sufficiently experienced (through my journey of navigating midlife) to talk about the mistakes we make and how to navigate this season successfully. I, my confident self, fight imposter syndrome too. So, I am saying this to you even as I say it to myself: Remember that you are capable; you have made it this far because of your abilities, knowledge, and competencies —and you have so much more to give, all that wisdom you have gained in the first half of life. Believe in yourself —not in complacency, but in conviction and courage to share your gifts with the world!

These are seven of the most common midlife mistakes women make. Recognizing the possibility of making these mistakes, realizing that when you have fallen into one or the other, and raising yourself from the ashes, you will launch into a satisfying and fulfilling midlife. Because midlife need not be a series of unfortunate crises…nay, it can be an exciting, fulfilling, wisdom-fueled season.

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