6 ways to put your network to work and move away from the FOG
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The future outlook is bright not foggy, yet sometimes the FOG can get in the way.
More about that later, first let's talk about women at work and their connections.
One of the greatest strengths of many women is their ability to build rapport with people. Rapport is the foundation of trust in a relationship, so it is highly probable that many women have many professional relationships in place that comprise of high levels of trust. This results in strong, established connections with a wide variety of people, a strong community of support.
This was certainly the case for Amanda, the example of how the habit "Building rather than Leveraging Relationships" in the bestselling book "How Women Rise" by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith . Amanda was a newly hired product coordinator for a manufacturer of medical devices. Previously she had worked at one of the top hospitals in the area as an administrator, as everyone in her new company knew. The company’s top salesman approached her to ask her for an introduction to some of her former colleagues so he could connect with them about some of their products.
This made Amanda feel uncomfortable as she viewed her ex-colleagues as friends and didn’t want them to feel hustled.
Not leveraging her relationships, Amanda was making an assumption that her former colleagues would not be interested in such an introduction based on her concern that she might be pressuring people. Amanda overlooked the fact that helping the salesman might actually help her by bringing new clients into her new company, while at the same time helping her former colleagues learn about the latest equipment.
This over-protectiveness comes from a place of empathy. Women in the workplace often have a reputation for being very empathetic, which translates into behaviors that you may recognize in yourself:
Empathy is a very tangible and admirable skill to have especially when it comes to leadership roles, whether actively acknowledged within yourself or unconsciously overlooked it is often present for women. It can also hold women back from career progress when there are favors to be asked in service of self growth that requires an approach of balancing empathy with assertiveness.
Let’s explore some actions to help overcome this.
Create a bi-focal view
Reposition how you view your network. Start seeing people in your community as a valuable resource you can draw on and not just give to. Reflect and appreciate the value that you have brought to these relationships and the efforts you have made to create connection and trust.
Identify the help you need and match the resource
Analyze what support you require and do some matchmaking between what you need and those who can help. Take time to consider who is right at your fingertips that might benefit your career. How might this person be a resource for you?
Be the S-word to harness your network power
Leverage the quality of your network through becoming adept at asking for specific help from those that will support your needs and goals.
The challenge is to put something out there that may not sit comfortably for you, the “S” word that is often shied away from and considered a bit of a NO-NO. Dare I say it? You need to be more Selfish. Becoming more selfish will result in becoming more selfless because you will be working smarter by tapping into the full range of your resources. Trying to do it all alone may be causing feelings of stress, frustration, and resentment. These are not desirable states to live in for prolonged periods; it is much better to be in a resourceful state.
Analyze your current network and examine what you have provided for it versus what it has provided for you. Many will find that they have been of service to others and yet they may not have been of service to you. They cannot be blamed for this. You need to ask for the help you need and take pride in doing so. This can be a stretch for some women to ask for the help they need, but building new habits will make this the norm. The suggestion is not for one moment that you give up your giving and nurturing side, because the giving is already present and is working well as a strength. Now it is time to balance that giving with more asking and more receiving.
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Spill the beans on your dreams
If asking for help seems like too much of a stretch, take a smaller step first. Talk openly about your aspirations in the presence of the right people. Talk about what your dreams are, what you hope to achieve.
For example, when in the presence of senior leaders many women have a tendency to talk less, for their dutiful side comes out to show respect for the leadership. They would not dare to talk about their dreams to somebody of that caliber in the belief that senior people are too busy to be really interested in them. Does this sound like you?
Be daring and bold—talk briefly about something you are passionate about and what you hope to achieve. In this way you are letting people of influence know what is important to you so that they see you in a different light. Being more vocal helps bring visibility and exposure. Encouraging them to think for themselves about how they may be able to help you.
Accept that some will and some won’t—and that’s ok
People are naturally curious, genuinely willing to support other human beings and will readily come up with their own ways to do that. You need to provide them with some food for thought. When you have been talking from the heart about what you are passionate about, they will feel it. By keeping your aspirations to yourself, you are missing the opportunity to leverage your most valuable resource—other people.
And if you are brave enough, taking this bold step to talk about your aspirations will continue to build your confidence. This leads to the next step of asking for the help you need—without those old feelings of fear or guilt getting in your way.
Also accept that sometimes this won’t work. Although most people will be naturally curious and naturally helpful, not everybody will be and that is ok too. You can’t win them all, but if you can activate 70–80% of your network, imagine how many resources you have put into play that were not activated before and what could be possible for you.
Stay out of the FOG
FOG: A helpful acronym that can guide your decision-making on who, what, and how to ask for help
F-Fear—Ask yourself: “Is there any fear holding me back from asking for the support I need?”
O-Obligation—Ask yourself: “Are there any obligations to others that are getting in the way of asking for the support I need?”
G-Guilt—Ask yourself: “Do I feel guilty about asking for the support that I need?”
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, know that FOG is getting in your way. Let go of the fear, the obligations, and the guilt and activate that vast network of yours. Your career growth will thank you for it.
Learn more about the 12 habits that typically hold women back and help women rise in your organization with the How Women Rise Leadership Program. Available now as a workshop, a webinar series and a train the trainer globally.
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