6 ways to be great at making strong connections.

Call me unorthodox, but I’ve never been a fan of “schmoozing”.

Even the official definition makes my stomach churn. “Talk with someone in a lively and friendly way, typically to impress or manipulate them “.

Anyone attempting to impress or manipulate me is wasting their time and I would suggest employing this technique with anyone is a bad idea if you’re attempting to make a lasting impression.

The research on first impressions is incredibly powerful.

Research from Harvard Business School suggests that people make “instant judgements” predicated on two critical questions:

·        Can I trust this person?

·        Can I depend on this person’s capabilities?

80% to 90% of "first impressions" are based on these two qualities. Subconsciously, you and everyone you meet are asking the same questions, “Is this person trustworthy?” and “Is this person competent?”

If we focus on impressing people or manipulating them our efforts are motivated by self-interest, disingenuousness, and a desire to "take".

In the real world of reciprocity, this method will ensure professional suicide and gaining a reputation for being parsimonious. 

Instead of “schmoozing” try focusing on making lasting first impressions and establish better connections.

“Communication is merely an exchange of information, but connection is an exchange of our humanity.” ~ Sean Stephenson

Here are 6 tips to make professional relationships stronger from the start.

Make people a priority

It’s ok to venture into a social situation with the intention of meeting people that correlate well with our goals. That doesn’t mean disregarding people that don’t serve your best interest, it simply means staying focused and using our time wisely. It’s easy to get swept away in meaningless conversations that prevent us from connecting with the right contacts. Have a plan, do some research and make people top priority. When we are genuine about the people we want to meet because we truly admire their work, it makes for a fascinating encounter. Flip off your phone, be cognizant of our body language and maintain eye contact. Make people feel appreciated.  

Ask great questions

Become proficient in the art of asking great questions. It demonstrates genuine interest in the other person and it’s a great way of getting acquainted. People need to feel understood before trust has a chance to germinate. By letting people speak first and respond to great questions, we can guide the conversation with questions designed to move the discussion in a direction consistent with building trust. Being dominant doesn’t manifest trust. Trust and warmth are produced when people feel appreciated. That takes time to establish.

Genuinely connect

All the evidence suggests we desire connecting with people that are similar. When meeting people for the first time there are many “unknowns”. It’s probably best not to indiscriminately share too many details. Do a little research on the people we hope to meet. We need to share some details about ourselves that the other person can relate to. Science shows by divulging some details about our self we enhance the flow of connection.  

“Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives”. Brene Brown

Listen and talk less

When you truly listen, you concentrate on what the other person is saying, opposed to planning what you’re going to say next. Ask insightful questions! It shows you’re paying attention. Ask probing questions and request clarification. When you focus on what you’re going to say next you sabotage the discussion. The message is clear, you have something more important to say. Interrupting someone destroys trust.

Be neutral

Research shows that when people talk about themselves and spend as much time learning about the other person, connection improves. Doctor Paul Eastwick has studied speed dating. His studies have found people that balance the conversation between talking and listening make a better first impression. In addition, being overly friendly or reserved isn’t good. Being engaged but not “acting” like best friends is essential. Balance is imperative when communicating with other people. 

Be receptive

People that schmooze aren’t interested in wasting time with people that can’t benefit them. They have tunnel vision. I notice many people attempting to climb the corporate ladder focusing on connecting with the most important people they can meet. I get it. However, we never know which colleagues might get a big break or start an incredible new company. It’s always a good policy to be kind and respectful. You never know when that quite engineer starts the new social media app that revolutionizes the world. 

“Human connections are deeply nurtured in the field of shared story”.  Jean Houston

Sum it up

Any thoughts on “schmoozing”? Let’s help educate our LinkedIn family by Sharing your thoughts in the comments section and please like and share this article. I love learning from you as well.

About Steve:

Steve Wohlenhaus is CEO of Weatherology, the leading company in the world at disseminating audio weather information.  Steve began his career as a major market television weather anchor in Minneapolis, where he received several Emmy Awards for science programming. Steve is an author and host of the podcast program Anatomy of Success. Reach out and connect with me on LinkedIn. Learn more about my work and grab the free Weatherology mobile app by clicking any picture in this article!