6 ways Coach-Leaders flex their communication styles

Most of us default to one style that we use pretty much 95% of the time. The problem is that everyone around us has their prime style that they default to 95% of the time too. The overlap can be hit and miss. That greatly increases the risk of misalignment and disagreements.

Flexing your leadership style for different situations and with a variety of people is one of the top areas my coaching clients want to work on. They want to reduce misunderstandings and keep everyone focused on goals.

“You’re Both Saying the Same Thing!”

And because we default to our own styles, while we may be conversing, we’re actually not?truly?connecting with each other.

If you’ve ever got into a heated discussion when a?more level-headed observer interjects, “I think you’re both saying the same thing!”, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Language, energy, conversation techniques and delivery matter. Getting the right combination to ensure your message lands and is well received is a critical Coach-Leadership skill.

Orange to Me, Pink to You

As a Coach-Leader, you need to quickly recognise and adopt the conversation styles of other people and for different scenarios.

When you observe these top leaders at work, you’ll start to spot those times when they are flexing their styles and switch ways of explaining things with great ease. They move comfortably between data and graphs, and emotions, imagery and metaphors.

Leaders Who Coach? can do this because they have tuned into other people’s values, noting the language they use to express themselves and having a strong emotional connection with them, understanding their skills and passions.?

Mastering different styles helps us?become more influential in our conversations and negotiations.

Here are six Coach-Leadership ways you can experiment with:

1. Logical Left Brain

Facts, logic, analysis, information and data all sit here. When you are an authority, or when you know facts that matter to the other person, relying on the left brain can help you convince someone that an idea makes sense.

However, the Logical Left Brain is overused, especially in Western society. Phrases like “death by Powerpoint” came about for a reason!?

A great story – like our own learnings and especially our mistakes – will make for a far more compelling case and leave a lasting impression.

2. Storytelling Right Brain

We process images, stories, metaphors, and pictures here. It’s the gateway to our subconscious. Stories and images help to recall memories and feelings. They create connections and common ground.

We all have them and as leaders, we can reach people by tapping into them. Often starting a presentation or a conversation with a story will create interest and engagement sufficient to create an opening for Logical Left Brain conversations.

3. Centring Gut

The gut, or “hara” as the Japanese call it, is our centre. When we take a stand, negotiate, assert appropriately, create a contract, or set boundaries, we’re usually in this place.

When we influence from the gut, we tell someone what we like and don’t like about their performance, tell them what we expect, and offer incentives to encourage them to buy into an idea.

The additional challenge of our centring gut is that emotions have a higher currency here. It takes Coach-Leadership practice to have your gut guide you in decisions and an Open & Vulnerable Heart or Team Spirit to take people with you.

Leaders Who Coach? learn to master their energy, their presence and their conversation skills throughout the 4-month programme. Weekly practice raises their confidence to be in the room with others and know just how to connect.

4. Open & Vulnerable Heart

In situations where we want authentic commitment and not just compliance, it is not enough to tell or assert. We have to be a little bit vulnerable.

Here, the conversation shifts to asking for advice and help, listening to the other person’s aspirations and goals to craft a solution, and being flexible about how things get done.

The leader doesn’t have to be wishy-washy, especially on the final goal, but is open to new ideas about how he or she can be better, and how to get to the goal.

5. Team Spirit

The spirit is about our shared values and experiences. Here, we appeal to our common ground and the bonds that hold us together.

Use this approach to form a team and create a feeling of alignment. Your Team Charter captures the mechanics for honouring your Team Spirit — how to communicate, collaborate, work through issues and excel.

Check in regularly. How’s everyone doing? Is anyone lost or unsure about how they are contributing?

6. Compelling Vision

This is about where we’re going. Here, we are painting a compelling, inspiring picture about where we can go together, and then we invite others to jump in and build on the vision.

This is the approach to use for a team that is kicking off, or when a push is needed?to get people to move forward despite challenges.

If we combine our Storytelling Right Brain, our Team Spirit and Compelling Vision skills together, we can make a solid case that gets a team aligned in a powerful, authentic way.

Play Around?with Different Styles

Coach-Leaders who are masters at influencing others have a knack for tuning into the needs of others in various situations. They are keen observers of human behaviour. The ways of others occupy much of their thoughts. They come to know, instinctually, how to talk about things in ways that mean more to others.

Of the influencing conversations above, you may recognise one or two as your own usual style. So then for you, it’s the other styles that you are not normally drawn to that require your investment and experimentation.

It will feel awkward at first but it’s really worth practising.?

Pick a style you admire in others and start playing around with it. Test a story out on a friendly colleague over coffee, in a meeting, at a training workshop, or even at home with your kids or other people’s kids.

Ask for Feedback So You Can Get Better, More Comfortable

How did that sound? What do you remember about what I said? What did you like most? What grated on you? Did I sound natural? Was I clear? Did I take too long to say it all? What do I need to work on?

Why not offer others?a chance to practise on you? Your team perhaps.

Learning to observe others is a critical Coach-Leadership skill that we practise in Leaders Who Coach? because it slows us down, makes listening easier, and allows us to ask great questions that are perfect in that moment.

Sehaam Cyrene PCC — Passionate about sharing coaching skills with leaders, I help you master coach-leadership with one-to-one and leadership team coaching, scalable CPD Certified Leaders Who Coach? Programmes, and the 10-Day Coach-Leadership Canvas course. Founder of Better Conversations, I am a Coach-in-Residence to start-up and scale-up communities, and a fractional Chief of Staff to scale-ups. I am author of the Amazon #1 Best Seller on World Book Day 2023 (Business Management & Leadership), The Better Conversations Rulebook: Questions & Phrases Practised Daily by Leaders Who Coach? available in eBook and Paperback. Need my help? Get in touch.

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