6 Things you Should Never do if you Want to be Happy (Part 1)

When you’re unhappy and not getting the things you want out of life, whose fault is it?

You might say “yourself” or “me” but is that what you really believe?

Think of your friends, family and colleagues at work.

Do most people actually think this way and take responsibility for their past actions and present realities?

We both know the answer is NO.

The question then becomes: why can we have or get what we really want?

There are several behaviours we engage in unconsciously that sabotage our chances at achieving our goals and being the person that excites us.

They can be so debilitating if not addressed can bring about a life of misery, destitution and mediocrity. I know you want more which is why you’re reading.

With that said here are 6 things you should never do if you want to be happy

1. Worrying about the past

The past is like a mirror. All our thoughts, actions, desires, anxieties all reflected to us in the present.

There can also be a lot of subjectivity there. What we think happened, how we feel things should have been or what someone should have instead.

And it often weighs heavily on us. What we think about ourselves and what we deserve in life. And it’s this attachment that caps our potential.

This giant iceberg of insecurity and suppressed emotions causes us to self sabotage even when we don’t want to admit it.

Here’s the thing:

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” - Corrie Ten Boom, Clippings from My Notebook

Over-thinking doesn’t change anything and ruminating over things you can’t control chains you in your own prison.

This goes for worrying about the future and what will happen. Sure the thought will come and you should be proactive about it. However that doesn’t mean you don’t have to put it in your kitchen sink!

In fact research has shown that 85 percent of what we worry about never happens.

In the book The Light in the Heart Roy Bennet says “Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.”

Thought is indeed creative and transformative. It’s responsible for everything you see built around you.

And it’s surely for the life you will live.

2. Believing that your past determines your future

It has become commonplace to judge others on what they’ve done before.

If a student failed math, they become conditioned by their “grades and teachers” to believe they’re not good at it.

If you failed your driving school once or more than once — you cannot drive.

Or if your first business failed, you’re (x) and not destined for success.

Or if one wasn’t perfect in a relationship they’ll always be that way.

The graveyard is chock full and pounded like cocoa with people who accepted these judgments since they didn’t know any better and lived mediocre lives because of it.

Acclaimed Saint Lucian poet and Nobel Laureate Derek Walcott once said: “The future happens. No matter how much we scream.”

And the thing is like Bennet says No amount of regretting can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future.

While our thoughts, beliefs and actions did contribute to where we are currently, they do not determine your future.

We’ve grown up to believe that who we are or is determined by what others tell you will be.

In his new book Personality isn’t permanent Dr. Ben Hardy point out

These dominant views (how you see yourself), although potentially helpful in one’s for-mative years, are ultimately destructive. They lead people to adopt a narrow and fixed mindset about themselves. They lead people on a misguided hunt to “discover” their “true” selves, which for most is an indecisive journey to mediocrity.

If there’s one thing new has undoubtedly proved is this: you can change, you can heal and let go of your past. Who you were before does not determine who you will become, only if you let it.

Once you:

have clarity on where you see yourself, who you need to become to attain your desires and get clear on what it will take and take consistent action

.. it becomes way easier.

What have you been afraid to act on lately?

3. Living your life according to personality tests

Personality tests can shed insight into our hidden quirks and provide some context for why we do what we do. However it’s not gospel and shouldn’t be treated as such.

There are several popular ones that have risen to immense popularity such as Myers Briggs, Strengthsfinder,, Enneagram and others.

In fact new research points out (just like Dr. Carol Dweck did prove that our mindset isn’t fixed and we can charge) that our personalities and who we are aren’t either.

For example the fact you’re introverted doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to speak well or aren’t good on camera. You can really learn it if you want to.

It also doesn’t if you’re more “extroverted” that can’t work alone on long projects if you’re required to.

Thinking that your current “personality is why i’m this way and nothing will change that” is like the emperor with no clothes.

We can change and your personality isn’t the limiting factor. Your level of commitment is

It may sound too simple to be true but instead of focusing on why I can’t do, be or have something, you instead should put your attention on how can I.

Everyone who has achieve massive success did — refusing to accept the limitation even though they’re commonly accepted and forging their own way

You should as well.

4. Watching the news daily

Are you not informed? Isn’t it why you’re here!

This is a play on a popular quote. The thing is most people don’t consume the news for mere information. They do for entertainment.

And yes it is important to be abreast of relevant country and worldly events pertinent to our

lives, but we don’t have to be constantly tuned in to it.

Moreover, a constant exposure to mere negativity has a severe impact on our happiness levels. We develop an affinity for negativity, a sensitization to what’s wrong instead what’s going great.

We become addicted to the dopamine release of someone new dying (yes I said it), celebrity and sports gossip, what this government official said that was triggering.

In the book the Happiness Advantage the author states

Psychologists have found that people who watch less TV are actually more accurate judges of life’s risks and rewards than those who subject themselves to the tales of crime, tragedy, and death that appear night after night on the ten o’clock news. That’s because these people are less likely to see sensationalized or one-sided sources of information, and thus see reality more clearly.

It is also strongly linked to depression

Some proponents of constant news binging may throw rocks at you for not caring about humanity and life. But that’s now why you should limit it and they’re missing the point entirely.

It makes you inherently unhappy and it’s for your own safety and well-being.

Spend more time living your life and doing things that’ll actually improve it and make the news.

5. Checking your phone as soon as you wake up

“Tradition is meant for family, friends and people. Not for phones or Apps.” ― Anthony T. Hincks

The world is in constant motion. When you’re working out in the morning, a banging party is being thrown in a disco on the other side of the world.

The unfortunate thing is we live our lives that way and don’t have boundaries for our devices.

Checking your phone after you wake is one of the worst things you can do to wreak havoc on your productivity and day.

We know our phones are like slot machines, but we still love it. Even if we virtue signal to others how productive we are, most of us still check it when it probably isn’t to.

On our phones anything can happen. From an empty social media notification of one posting in a group to annoying client’s email. That is not how you want to start your day!

Keep it out of the bedroom. Instead do something rejuvenating. Smell the air outside, spend some quality time with loved ones and get moving.

Cell phone addiction is not just popular among teens but older folk as well. It often dampens and is responsible for the downfall of family time, relationships and marriages.

6. Depending on or blaming the government

“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.” — Lou Holtz

This one may indeed be triggering for some so buckle up. Many community organizations, advocacy groups and political parties exist on this purpose.

Democracy and good governance is and always will be important. I’m not implying the opposite.

However most individuals use it as a crutch to support their current life situations and justify their lack of proactiveness to live the lives they really want to live.

No where is this being exposed more than in a recession where jobs are being lost and people who aren’t really contributing are being laid off.

We’ve been conditioned to believe the “government” owes us something or a certain lifestyle because we put them there. Many companies lobby extensively to gain political favors and government contracts that’ll advance their interests.

The point is it’s a very petty way to live.

And while the government should be doing the best possible to fulfill its mandate to the electorate and needs to be held accountable, we shouldn’t depend on it.

The truth is whoever is in office barely affects your life and shouldn’t.

No one achieves big things in life by waiting for the government to act or hoping they will gift you the opportunities.

Like John Maxwell says: The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That’s the day we truly grow up. John C. Maxwell

We can have the success we desire if we stop looking to others for it.

This is one of the key reasons most people are fundamentally unhappy

Please don’t be one of them.

Conclusion

Who we are and will be is a measure of what we’re committed to. It’s not enough to just want something. Where your time, energy and money goes will determine your future.

It’s crucial to determine which is important and not take things in because society thinks you should.

We need to stop living on autopilot and assuming things will work out because it won’t.

Everything you consume, choose to cling onto and not partake in is a decision.

Like Ralph Martson says: Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy.

The question is what is your choice going to be?

Ready to Upgrade and change you

I’ve created a cheatsheet for you to get more done, achieve more and finally be happy, immediately.

If you follow this cheatsheet, will have the tools to get what you want and have the life of your dreams