6 things to watch out for when picking a mentor!

“People inspire you, or they drain you—pick them wisely.” – Hans F. Hansen

First, let me be honest and say that the main cause of the problem was myself, stargazing that someone worth 10’s of millions being directly onboard and involved to support our new company.

I have various wealthy mentors in my life who are incredible and inspiring people.

However, more recently, a few were not.

Many people will waste time in your work, and these traits mentioned below can you help you identify whom you should steer clear from as an ambitious young professional.

And remember, this isn’t referring to management, your boss, or your shareholder. This is about mentors – who could be a shareholder, boss or manager one day if so be it.

Who is this type of person?

There is always one, people refer to them as 'the tough guy' and not because of their strength, but because they are a nightmare to work or deal with, and can drain every situation turning everything into something negative or about themselves. Fine if you’re negotiating big deals, but as a mentor... No way!

1. Continuous skepticism

Putting you down and picking faults is easy, and they love it. Because if you don't know or understand something they can stoop as low to pick out a typo on an unimportant document and reflect this on your work ethic. It is also a good cover for people that are not knowledgeable about the work you do.

While not taking your progress, external and internal sources into account they will tell you how hard things are and the likelihood of achieving your goals is limited, without any reason as to why.

There are always non-believers, but when this is the only guy who doesn't believe in you... feel free to challenge their views and see what happens. If they don’t like it, you know you’re dealing with a skeptic.

And it’s true that it’s hard I don’t disagree, but don’t keep bringing it up every time we meet, be positive! Like Americans, encourage and inspire.

2. Not doing what they say they would

Introductions are the easiest indicator to this. When someone says they will make an introduction to a friend/potential of theirs during your meeting and you remind them the next day to intro you because you want to follow the lead. They have not yet spoken to them, responding they will get to it. Especially noticeable if they do not tell you their name and why they would be good.

Real mentors do it in front of me, call your friend while I am in the room at the moment you said it. An email, FB or Whatsapp message will take 2 minutes and I am happy to hold on.

This is one example for an ‘If they don’t’. So feel free to ask for details upfront, if they don’t like it, you know what you’re dealing with.

3. Goal post movers

They build an expectation (which is normal, it gives people something to strive for), but you will never know what those expectations are, nor will they tell you.

This takes at least 3-4 meetings to realise. They will ask something of you and once completed you can have the best thing in the world, show up and then it's yesterday's news, and now they come out with something completely different. What you did will be missing x, y and z that was never mentioned nor even touched upon but expected at the current meeting!  

I like to work fast and efficiently, but usually you would review something once it's done.

Not these guys, each time you see them they pull something new out of the hat, and now the expectations have changed to something else which wastes even more of your time trying to achieve.

Good mentors will give you time, go through the issues and help identify what’s missing and give it an open second look. Remember, mentors help you with things you don’t have as much experience in, that can only be achieved through sweat and experience and you can’t figure out with books and Google search.

4. Haven’t kept up with important and discussed progress

We all say yes to things we may not have the time for, or to do properly.

Not reading documents, listening to progress or taking note of important developments and disregarding previous meetings and situations.  

If this is the case it shows you straight away they may have a lack of time, interest or if not these, commitment.

Many people don’t read reports and follow documents, but these baddies unlike the good guys, will forget everything and start fresh with every new meeting. Maybe it works for them? I haven’t seen it often and it’s very inefficient to continue to repeat old business to clarify the new business.

5. They don't tell stories

The best people in the world tell stories of experience, good ideas, and solutions, or even jokes.

Most advice comes with a story to back up the reasoning behind it. If they are telling you advice without a strong reason as to why? Then you know something’s fishy. One example is to say, 'because that's what people want' or 'I want to see it', ‘that’s how it works’.

There always needs to be a why! The same as you need to produce a why in your work and what you do. But don't let them be an exception because they're helping you.

You need to ask them why, and to explain if they don’t. Is it because you used to work for an investment firm because you’ve developed products before, because that’s how you fired someone or dealt with an employee? How did you deal with it yourself? Can I see your plans to reflect mine? Do you have a friend who is a guru? How recent was it? Where did you learn this?

6. Never makes personal time for you

Possibly the most tricky element to determine, and this doesn't mean time in terms of only meetings and work related issues, but personal bonding. If it is situated to meetings alone then they must partake the points above, inputting as one of the team.

If someone doesn't or is not willing to give you time to build a personal relationship then they will always judge you by face value, not knowing your history and who you are can be severe in a relationship, especially a mentor relationship.

Relating to the first point is important because skeptics can be closed. Open minded people are easier to see on face value and don’t need to say much.

Small talk is nice before you jump into meetings, but sometimes it’s cheap and if it's talking they want, then it needs to be deep conversation which best happens over a beer, with a cigar, experiences, sport, dinner dates, or even strip clubs if that’s how they enjoy their time.

So don’t confuse this point with a mentor who is busy, focused and on point and can only act as a team member. Because at the end of the day having a sole focus on only the business is ideal and small talk is irrelevant if it's not work related.

Conclusion

My best mentors all know my background and interests, they resonate with my desire to achieve, live vicariously through my stories, message me off the cuff, know my businesses progress and always give me a word of advice where I need, are happy to explain things in depth and take phone calls or respond to emails promptly.

We’re friends. And most importantly, they never tell me I’m going to fail. You will succeed! Whatever happens, you will learn from it and keep going.