6 Things My Mom’s Illness Taught Me About Loss, Priorities and Financial Planning

Watching my mom die was the most traumatic thing I've ever witnessed in my life. I have hesitated to talk about it, both because my experience felt sacred, and because I have not had the strength or eloquence to adequately express my feelings.

Two years ago, we found out my mom's breast cancer was back and had metastasized. I learned some significant lessons from this experience and would like to share them, knowing I'm not the only one experiencing cancer, or a terminal illness. In fact, a few weeks ago, Nicole Spector asked me to contribute to an article she was writing for Nasdaq on "7 ways Millennials can Budget Time and Money When Caring for Boomer Parents." I was more than happy to share my thoughts on such an important topic, and Nicole writes beautifully, but there was so much I wanted to add that was outside of the scope of the article.???

In the hopes of helping others navigate such a draining life experience without regrets or the weight of finances looming over everything, I'd like to share some of the things I feel like we did well for my parents, and a few things I wish I would have done differently.

1. Take Time

I spent time with my mom every week. Tuesday's were our designated day and she could count on me being there. It started with lunch dates, running errands, etc. Our favorite place to go was DICK'S Sporting Goods because they provided a motorized scooter for my mom to use.

When it became too hard for her to get in and out of the car, we rocked the? drive through. Chick-fil-A was her favorite–their shakes were often the only thing that sounded good to her. When she had a chemo appointment, I would take her and sit with her. This also allowed my dad to have a break.

2. Prioritize What Matters

I'm grateful my husband and kids allowed me to prioritize my mom. This often meant date nights at my parent's house, me not being home on the weekends, and my family holding down the fort while I took a trip with my parents.?

When I was awarded an International Stevie Award and Utah Business CEO of the year, I invited my mom and dad. My mom was my biggest cheerleader and loved hearing about my work. I am grateful I invested time and money into experiences with my parents. l will cherish those moments forever.

3. Share the Load

At the beginning of the week, my siblings and I would make a plan to bring in dinner each night. My sister, who's out of state, would have a meal delivered from a service like DoorDash or GrubHub on her night. My dad was her primary caregiver, and this allowed him one less thing to worry about.

My kids and husband would take turns stopping in, dropping off meals, and making visits to my parent's home. My siblings and their families did the same. This distributed the workload and also allowed all of us the blessing of one-on-one time with them.

4. Prepare Together

Funeral planning or Estate Planning is not something anyone wants to address or discuss. No one wants to talk about death when someone is fighting so hard to live. I'm grateful for my little brother, Landon Sandberg, for having hard conversations, and for helping them plan their Estate before it was too late.

My parents worked hard to save for retirement and always made sure they had medical insurance. My dad was forced to retire early, but he was prepared. They had insurance and savings to cover expensive medical bills, so my siblings and I didn’t have to worry.

5. Preserve Memories:

I wish we had taken more? family pictures,? and that I had more videos and voice recordings of my mom. By the time I realized I wanted them, it was too late.

6. Insist on Screenings:

I wish my mom had better screenings more often. I wish we had caught the progression of the cancer a year earlier. Make annual physicals, bloodwork, and imaging a priority. Fight for them if they are not offered by your insurance.

Although my mom lost her life a little earlier than we would have liked, it was a life well lived and I will forever be grateful for the miracles that we have experienced because of it.