6 Things Leaders With Emotional Intelligence Do When Faced With Conflict

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One thing I know for sure is that there will always be?drama in the workplace, it's inevitable. If?human beings and communication are involved, words and attitudes will be misinterpreted, egos will clash, buttons will be pushed, and people will arrive at different conclusions, often the wrong conclusions.

I've?especially witnessed drama with teams under pressure to meet tight deadlines, or when senior leaders with strong personalities pull in different and opposing directions to further their own agendas.

Whatever the case, laying low and avoiding the line of fire is an option. But if your leadership role demands being in close contact with people -- challenging people to boot -- having the mindset to know how to respond effectively will save you a lot of headaches.

How Good Leaders Use Their Emotional Intelligence In a Conflict

In practicing a?healthy level of emotional intelligence (EQ), the path to managing conflict is choosing to respond, rather than react. By responding, things don't escalate so easily; it allows you to create the space to consider the situation and decide the best approach to handle things. Sometimes that means exercising patience, a lot of patience.

Here are six ways leaders can exercise their EQ to effectively handle those difficult people under tough circumstances.

1. Assess your situation and get perspective

Leaders exhibiting emotional intelligence use self-awareness to their advantage to assess a situation, get perspective,?listen without judgment, process, and hold back from reacting head-on. At times, it means the decision to sit on your decision. You'll eventually arrive at other, more sane conclusions by thinking over your situation rationally, without drama.

2. Use the six-second pause

In order to tap into that kind of perspective I discussed above requires a pause -- a six-second pause -- to gather your thoughts before you speak. Why six seconds? The chemicals of emotion inside our brains and bodies usually last about six seconds. During a heated exchange, if we can pause for a short moment, the flood of chemicals being produced slows down. When you are frustrated or upset, pause before you say something that you'll regret later. This precious pause helps you to quickly assess the costs and benefits of that, and other, actions. Applying this consequential thinking at the moment helps you to make more careful choices.

3. Maintain a humble attitude

First of all, avoid being triggered and reacting with sarcasm or a negative comeback, which is the sure path to conflict and escalating drama. Sure, your ego may be bruised, so acknowledge it, rather than stomping on the warpath for revenge. The higher road to take here comes from leadership humility -- drawing from your inner strength, seeing the other person as a flawed human being (just like you), extending compassion, and trusting in the moment for a different, better, outcome.

4. Exercise some empathy

A leader exhibiting EQ will look at the whole picture and both sides of an issue. It's having the ability to tap into someone else's feelings (as well as your own) to consider a different outcome. That takes empathy. Daniel Goleman, the?emotional intelligence?guru said,

"If you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far."

5. Ask this one most conflict-diffusing question

The next time someone flies off the handle on you, here's a way to positively blow that person away with your response. Try asking, "Are you OK? What's going on?" Then, simply listen. What comes next may surprise you. You will most likely open up the door for the other person to explain the issue behind the issue -- why they really feel the way they do. Now you have arrived at an opportunity for further dialogue to problem solve and come to terms with an agreeable solution.

6. Reach out after conflict happens

As leaders, we will experience conflict, it's inevitable. But what happens after a conflict is just as important. The tendency for so many of us is to let resentment fester after an argument or misunderstanding, and then cut off the person until he or she reaches out to us with an apology. We feel entitled. It's convenient. But it's also just plain dumb. A leader with high EQ doesn't let her ego have its way at the expense of losing a valued team member or great work connection. She will be the first to reach out to make amends, even if it means apologizing first. This humble and courageous act will do wonders; the other person will soften, apologize too, and both parties will come to an amicable reconciliation.

Your turn: Do you agree or disagree with any of these above? What would you add? Leave a comment and let's learn from each other.

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About Marcel Schwantes

Marcel Schwantes?is a speaker, executive coach, syndicated columnist, and the creator of the highly-acclaimed "From Boss to Leader" course, a life-changing 14-week journey into Servant Leadership. His work has been featured in Inc., Business Insider, Fast Company, The New York Daily News, CNBC, Forbes, and others. He speaks to audiences about the human side of work, and how cultures of care, connection, and belonging outperform the competition.