6 Things to Do When Life Feels Hard
Many people are struggling right now and some are barely keeping their heads above water. I was visiting with a dear friend last week whose wife was just diagnosed with lung cancer. He’s feeling depressed, overwhelmed and is running on fumes.? He knows how important it is to make sure that he’s resourced, but shared, “I’ve been struggling with the demands of caregiving. When I feel fearful, I freeze and forget all my self-care practices. They fly right out the window.”? I reminded him, “That’s OK, James. Baby steps. Start anew. Tomorrow is a new day.”
I’ve been teaching and writing about the practice of self-care for more than 20 years. Self-care is not only about creating sustainability for self, it’s about cultivating how we show up in the world for others … and for ourselves.
If we slow down, we all know what helps us “feel good fast” (both the healthy and unhealthy habits). But when our body and brain get triggered by big, bold, old fear-based emotions, we revert to a primal state.
But, good news. There are several simple, nurturing self-care practices that can bring us back to our innate well-being quite quickly. Here are six things I do when life feels hard:
Get grateful. Voicing what we’re grateful for heightens our mood, floods our body with endorphins, shifts and broadens how we see the world and supports us in remembering what really matters. It’s a gift that can be accessed anytime, anywhere and it’s free. Try sharing what you’re grateful for at the evening dinner table.
Go outside and walk on the earth. Time in nature is often referred to as the ultimate antidepressant because it affects us physically, mentally and emotionally. A date with Mother Nature reduces stress, enhances our mood/overall mental health, helps us to “reset,” promotes cognitive abilities, fosters problem-solving and creativity, supports work/life balance, stimulates social interactions and enhances family connection and intimacy. Read Nature: The Ultimate Anti-depressant .
Move your body … breathe. Ever heard the phrase, “The issues are in the tissues”? Most of us need all the help we can get to move out of our heads and into our bodies. Go to a yoga, dance or qi gong class (I lead movement in NC ), take a hike, or even walk around the block—just move and breathe. One of my favorite breathing exercises is equal parts breathing (so detoxifying and calming for our systems!). Breathe in for three—hold for three—exhale for three. Try doing this through your nose, with your mouth closed.
Ask for help. People who are comfortable asking for and receiving help—whether it’s from a coach, therapist, mentor, professional organization, business partner, neighbor, friend or colleague—experience greater success and feel more connected and confident in all areas of their lives. Learning to ask for and receive help can be one of the most important skills you can cultivate AND it can open you up to all kinds of new perspectives.? Be discerning and choose your support wisely. Having a support system can make all the difference in how you experience the journey.
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Do less. We’re entering a whole new frontier that requires us to find more space to breathe, think, dream and digest. We’re craving more time to just be—so we can actually integrate into our hearts and souls what’s happening moment to moment. The more choices and decision we have, the less happy we are. Over-doing keeps us from experiencing life in the moment and is taxing to our well-being. Read Do less …and experience more .
Feel to heal. The more we’re able to be with what we’re feeling, the more we’re able to heal from old wounds (and access more freedom). When we “feel our feelings,” we become more open and accessible to our loved ones, we’re more connected to our passions and desires, we become comfortable voicing our needs and drawing clear boundaries, we begin to harvest the gifts that come from living with the light and the dark and contrary to what we might think—we actually begin to feel more alive and less fearful. Read We Have to Feel It to Heal It .
Be kind. Always be kind. You don’t know what battles your brothers and your sisters in the grocery store lines, on the playground and in the office next to you, are waging. This is a time to move a little slower, lighten our loads and not be so ambitious. People first, things second. Let me know how I can support you.
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Subscribe? here ?to?Live Inside Out, a weekly blog written by transformational coach/author/speaker and self-care evangelist Renée Peterson Trudeau. Passionate about helping men and women find balance through the art/science of self-care, Renee has been facilitating high-impact, interactive workshops for Fortune 500 companies, national nonprofits/conferences and organizations/teams worldwide for 25 years. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Fast Company, Good Housekeeping, US News & World Report, AARP, Spirituality & Health?and more. She and her team have certified more than 450 facilitators in 10 countries around the globe to lead self-renewal groups/retreats based on her pioneering self-care curriculum. She’s the author of two books on life balance including the award-winning?The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life.??She and her husband live in Western North Carolina and Austin, Texas; her latest venture is?Wild Souls Nature Adventures. ?More on Renee?here.