6 Things Discipleship Isn’t

I didn’t experience true discipleship until my freshman year at the University of Arkansas. There, in the recesses of the student lounge, I connected with a group of older believers who genuinely cared about my spiritual growth. Over the next few years, one of them took me under her wing, taught me to read the Scriptures, and showed me what it looks like to walk in the fullness of Christ.

Now that I’m a few seasons (OK, decades) removed from college, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to find believers who want to teach and train others in godliness through discipleship. Why aren’t more Christians committed to making disciples as Jesus commanded (Matt. 28:18–20)? I wonder if such reluctance stems from misconceptions about what discipleship entails. Perhaps by understanding what discipleship isn’t, we can dismantle unnecessary barriers and more readily embrace Jesus’s call.

Discipleship Isn’t . . .

1. Meeting for Coffee

You might have a specific picture of discipling in your mind from scrolling social media. You know the photo: an older saint gazing into the eyes of a younger saint, each holding a mug of hot coffee over an open Bible. Gospel-centered conversations over coffee can be immensely helpful, but it doesn’t always have to happen that way.

When we envision discipleship in a specific context like a coffee date, we can miss that discipleship is about the relationship, not the atmosphere and experience of the meeting. Conversations after church, phone calls and text messages, and walks through the park can all be part of discipleship. True discipleship involves wielding the Word and prayer to help those you’re investing in follow Christ. When these activities are present, it counts—no coffee required.

2. Convenient

Perhaps you’ve held off on discipling others because you’re busy with children, aging parents, or a full work schedule. Here’s the truth: There’s never a convenient time to do spiritual good for others. Waiting for an easier season might deprive younger believers of opportunities to witness your response to hardships in real time.

Why not invite the person you’re discipling to join you as you tackle yard work, fold laundry, or run errands with your kids? The humbling moment when your child needs correction might be exactly what the young parent you’re discipling needs to learn to respond to her child’s disobedience with grace.

By welcoming those we disciple into our everyday lives, we discover we have more time for discipleship than we realized. It might feel unproductive and messy, but being inconvenienced for the growth of others produces maturity in us, making discipleship a conveniently inconvenient part of our spiritual growth.

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3. A One-Way Street

Discipleship is like parenting—costly and exhausting but rewarding. You’ll invest a lot of time teaching and training the person you’re discipling, but you’ll also learn much from her throughout the process. The younger women I’ve discipled have taught me to ask thoughtful questions and to humbly seek out older women. They’ve spurred me on in my faith. By God’s grace, discipleship isn’t just for the disciple’s growth but for the disciple-maker too.

4. Reserved for Seminary Grads, Spiritual Giants, or Perfect People

You might feel like discipling others is for next-level Christians, but it isn’t reserved for theologians and spiritual giants—it’s a command given to average Christians like you and me. Titus 2 reminds us that as we invest in younger believers, we should teach what aligns with sound doctrine (v. 1). Thankfully, we have a whole book full of sound teaching available in God’s Word.

We don’t need all the answers to questions younger believers might ask. Our role as disciple-makers is to guide them to the One who does have answers as we seek him in his Word together. We ask for the Spirit’s help and point them to the example they should follow in our perfect Savior.

5. An Either-Or Situation

At any given moment, you’re both an older and younger person in the church. Are you an older man or woman to someone? If so, you should be discipling others. Are you a younger man or woman to someone? If so, you need to be discipled. Discipleship isn’t meant to be an either-or-situation where we’re either making disciples or being discipled. We need to be involved in both.

Sometimes, this won’t neatly correlate with the number of trips you’ve made around the sun. For example, an older woman in my local church asked a younger woman to disciple her, knowing the younger woman’s spiritual maturity surpassed her age. Whether you’re old, young, new to the faith, or a seasoned believer, we’re all called to engage in intergenerational discipleship in our churches to set the gospel on display through our life together.

6. Optional

Discipleship isn’t something a few select Christians opt in to but a command to be obeyed by all believers. In Titus 2, Paul addresses everyone in the church—older men, younger men, older women, and younger women—urging them to proclaim sound doctrine so the gospel may be adorned in their lives (v. 10). Just before his ascension to heaven, Jesus told his disciples to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them and teaching them to obey everything he commanded (Matt. 28:19–20). Jesus didn’t say “When it’s convenient” or “When you feel ready.” He said, “Go.”

While this is a weighty responsibility, remembering what discipleship isn’t reminds us that coming alongside others to help them know and love God is a necessary and natural part of the Christian life.

Hunter Beless is the founder of Journeywomen, author of several children’s books, and coauthor with Courtney Doctor of Titus: Displaying the Gospel of Grace. Hunter and her husband, Brooks, have four kids.