6 Strategies When Your Boss Bullies You

Margaret is an HR Manager who has worked with her company for 10 years. She is known to her colleagues as the “go to person”. Her reputation is excellent throughout the organization. She has loved her job and because much of her experience is very focused, she has been courted by recruiters over the years but has never wanted to leave – until now.

Recently Margaret got a new supervisor. Her supervisor is 20 years her junior, has little experience in HR and is a close friend of the department head. This supervisor has been presenting several employees in the department with challenges and for the first time in years there has been some turnover of long-term employees.

In working with Margaret, I can tell you she is focused on continuous improvement and she takes constructive feedback very well. Probably better than most, but she is having a hard time working with this new supervisor. Margaret has described her behavior as micromanaging and her feedback as subjective with little or no evidentiary support to back up her claims.

When your boss makes life miserable, it becomes a slippery slope. Their constant interference, micromanagement, criticisms or the fear of them can make it hard to focus on your work and can cause performance issues. Some cultures breed aggressive behavior while others are just ill equipped and not trained to address it. This leaves employees feeling powerless and sends a message that they need to not only put up with, but accept this behavior.

There are steps you can take in these situations that can resolve the issues, allow you to focus on doing your job and handle the situation in a professional way that empowers you.

1.    Evaluate the feedback. When feedback that you receive is upsetting or false it is human nature to get caught up in the emotion and react. This is probably the worst thing you can do as it will only add more fodder to your bosses complaints. You can gently tell your boss you disagree with the feedback and you can ask probing questions such as; “I would like to understand more, can you provide some examples?” Close these conversations with your boss by telling them you would like some time to consider what you have heard and do just that. Ask yourself; Is there an element of truth to the feedback, have you heard anything similar in the past, are you embarrassed or angry or is there simply no merit to the feedback. Once you have distanced yourself from the emotion and have evaluated the feedback you will think more clearly.

2.    Address behaviors. I always believe that it is a best practice to address issues directly with people. Be respectful and kind but let them know that what they are doing is upsetting you – even if it is your boss. This can be a hard conversation to have, especially if you fear it won’t go well. It is best to do this in person but if you are particularly concerned about how they may react you can send something to them in an email. If you choose this route, make sure to choose your words carefully. Read and re-read the email several times to make sure the tone and content are communicating the right message.

3.    Avoid reacting. When someone gives us feedback that makes us uncomfortable, it is human nature to become defensive and want to react to the feedback or at least defend our behavior. There is a fine line between making excuses and providing information. When you feel yourself escalating internally take a step back to avoid an emotional reaction. I have a 24-hour rule and will not respond to something I feel emotionally charged over for 24 hours or until I feel I can respond in a way that best communicates what I want to say. In the heat of the moment it may feel good to blast someone but generally that doesn’t serve us well so it is best to take a step back and respond after you have time to process your feelings.

4.    Don’t gossip. This is a tough one. When we have been wronged it is normal to want to get support from those we care about. Because your boss is offending you in the workplace it is easy to seek out co-workers who not only care about you but have witnessed this or other similar behavior. Although tempting, it is best to avoid this as it puts you and your coworkers in a precarious situation. The worst thing that can happen is for your boss to find out you are talking about them. It makes them angrier, makes you look bad and provides them with evidence that you are not part of the team. Best to speak with friends outside of work if you need to vent. People in the office may love a good story but may not always have your best interest at heart. Remember, the least said, the easiest mended.

5.    Tell someone. When all else fails and you feel nothing is working tell someone in a position of power. It can be your boss’s boss, HR, your General Counsel or another leader in the organization. Many companies have a process that you can escalate concerns to. If you do choose this path, make sure to come to a meeting prepared with your talking points, come free from emotion and have any documentation you can pull together. The more organized and well thought out your discussion, the more seriously it will be taken. Avoid subjective information or hearsay and stick to the facts as you understand them. Be prepared that your conversation will be discussed with your boss as addressing it directly is the only way to get to the bottom of the issue.

6.    Get strong. This, to me, is the most important thing you can do and should be done before anything else. Start this process immediately when you find yourself being bullied or picked on by your boss. Most bullies pick targets they know are easy. There is something about you that a bully has scoped out and picked you. This doesn’t mean it is your fault, it just means there could be an area where you can work on strengthening yourself. Watch how your boss treats other people in the department and how they respond and measure that against your experiences. Is there something you can do differently to change the power dynamics? Again, I want to stress it is never your fault when you are being bullied but bullies are in every organization so it is better to figure it out now.

Susan Ways is a Human Resources executive, key note speaker, professional trainer and leadership coach. For more information visit www.inspiredsuccesscoaching.com

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