6 Steps to Successful Co-Parenting After Divorce
Going through divorce as a parent means putting the needs of your children above your own and trying to keep everything as normal for them as possible. However, this is much easier said than done, particularly if you and your ex are going through a less than amicable split. Here are six tips to keeping your stress level down while successfully co-parenting your kids after divorce.
1. Get Creative with Communication
Depending on your situation, dealing with your spouse face-to-face might be painful or downright impossible. That doesn’t mean you can’t co-parent with them, just that you need to find other ways to communicate. There are a number of websites, mobile apps, and other online resources that allow you to share information with your spouse without the in-person interactions that can lead to drama. Choose one you and your spouse like and give it a try – you owe it to your kids to keep communication pathways open, even when it’s hard.
2. Keep a Set of Your Kids’ Things at Your Ex’s House
Sometimes it’s the little things that lead to big blowups. For instance, you may find yourself becoming increasingly angry as your child comes back from their other parent’s home with missing clothes, lunchboxes, etc. Shuttling back and forth from place to place is a recipe for lost belongings in the best situations, but this is a case where a little prior planning really pays off. Purchase several sets of clothes, shoes, and other essentials and send them to your ex’s home for your child to use while there, without ever expecting to see the items again. This will help keep you sane and head off any animosity you might feel toward your ex for allowing the items to be misplaced.
3. Get the Money Talk Out of the Way
One of the potentially thorniest aspects of co-parenting is managing and tracking expenses. Saying you’ll split expenses 50/50 is one thing, but actually making sure it happens is quite another. Find a system that works to keep track of shared expenses – a Google Sheets spreadsheet or other cloud-stored document will likely be the simplest way to go. It will seem like a pain in the neck to set up, but you’ll be glad once school pictures come around and there’s no dispute over who pays for what.
4. Your Kids Have a Say, Too
Putting together the visitation calendar was a labor of love, and probably a few tears. Now that it’s all behind you though, the real fun starts. Even though the calendar might say this is your weekend to spend with your kids, listen to them when they say they’d really like to spend some time with their other parent instead. This goes for holidays, too. Maintaining as much flexibility and understanding as you can (within reason – you’re still the parent!) shows your children how to compromise and resolve conflicts – great life skills they’ll need for the future.
5. Keep Their Teachers in the Loop
Your family tree is different now, and probably at least a little bit more complicated. While it all makes perfect sense to you, don’t expect coaches, bus drivers, and teachers to pick it up quite so quickly. Take the time to explain what’s going on at home so they can not only navigate the relationships between all the adults in your child’s life but also provide the support and understanding your child needs when they’re having a hard day.
6. Your Ex is a Colleague, Not Your Ex
This one takes work, we admit. Viewing your ex as a business partner in the endeavor of raising your children can seem all but impossible in the early weeks and months after your divorce. However, taking this clinical, detached approach will help you make better decisions for your kids without letting your judgment be clouded by emotion. You both have a shared goal – raising happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids – and if you both commit to achieving that end as colleagues instead of ex-lovers, your children will be better for it.
None of this is easy, and none of it happens overnight. Successfully co-parenting your children requires hard work and dedication, not to mention cooperation with someone you’d probably really rather just avoid. Work to incorporate these six tips into your daily life and you’ll soon find that everything’s running a little more smoothly – and your kids will thank you!
PS – Check out our other co-parenting tips here.
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Derek Distenfield is CEO and Co-founder of NextGenJustice which offers legal and tax solutions without lawyers in four main areas of law: family, business, estate, and tax preparation. More articles can be found at https://nextgenjustice.com/blog/.
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