6 Road-Tested Ways To Combat "Leadership Loneliness"
It is no secret that it can be lonely at the top. But it doesn’t have to be.
Allow me to start by clarifying that the top isn’t always capital-T, The Top. Yes, this feeling is very common for CEOs and likely the category of people that first comes to mind. However, it can also feel lonely as a newly promoted manager, or as a solopreneur or founder of a startup.?
This feeling of loneliness at the top is rooted in a fear of being exposed as an imposter. It happens to anyone, in any role, who feels like they cannot express their uncertainties and doubts or ask questions for guidance out of fear that it will jeopardize their authority and ability to lead their team. Honestly, that’s most of us at one point or another.?
I’ve worked with CEOs all over the world and the pressure and loneliness is real. The stakes are high. The sprint cycles are relentless. There is a constant burden to have all the right answers all the time.?
I’ve found that we can effectively combat the loneliness of the leadership burden by having both the right people and processes in place.
THE PEOPLE
No one person can play all roles so it’s important to have a village of go-to people for support. I recommend having a support person in three categories: internal, industry and in-house. They each play complimentary but slightly different roles.
Internal
Everyone benefits from a workplace confidant. When I was at Amazon, Jeff Bezos had a role called “The Shadow.” Andy Jassy was the first ever Shadow (who is now Jeff’s successor as Amazon’s CEO). The Shadow was at Jeff’s side for absolutely everything so that he could have the same full perspective, information and access needed to be an effective confidante, sparring partner and aid.?
Other CEOs find this internal support through their COO, co-founder and/or their Chief of Staff. It takes some effort to purposefully create relationships with this level of trust and transparency, but the benefits can be career-changing.
Industry
Sometimes you need the voice of someone with a fresh perspective and no skin in the game. This is especially true if internal politics make your options for an internal support person feel limited. There comes a time, like for elite athletes, when you could benefit from a coach who has had a long tenure of success in a role like yours.?
There are also valuable support resources immediately available when you widen your network net. My career completely changed when I started purposefully developing a network of peers outside my company walls who were working in similar roles in similar industries to mine. They understood my goals as well as the challenges and roadblocks I was facing. We were able to commiserate, laugh, offer guidance, and keep each other accountable in ways we felt we couldn’t do with internal peers. Consider attending, presenting at and/or organizing events where you can build up a network of industry peers.
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In-house
Having a best friend, sibling or life partner who is supportive of your career aspirations outside of your work environment can be a huge benefit to your long-term progress. It’s helpful to have someone who understands your strengths, weaknesses, goals, fears and dreams intimately enough to provide the truest reality checks in your moments of doubt.?
Building a tribe of support across your internal organization, your industry peers and in-house not only combats loneliness at the top but allows you to rise to new levels.
THE PROCESSES
Once you have the right people in place around you, the next step to relieving the loneliness burden will be implementing some processes into your daily responsibilities which distribute the burden more effectively. The first steps come in realizing which situations are wearing you down and what you need to recover your stamina. I recommend considering new systems around your physical environment, meeting formats and the way in which you’re engaging your key players.
Get In Motion
Sometimes you simply need to feel heard and understood rather than be presented with a solution. I have found that unstructured brainstorming can come more naturally when outside a conference room or office setting. This way you can express enthusiasm or frustration before feeling burdened to build a cohesive plan forward. Perhaps ask your COO or CoS to do a walk-and-talk session, as Steve Jobs was famous for doing, rather than holding your one-on-one in your office or conference room. This can even be effective when you are remote. Have a quick phone call rather than a Zoom meeting and both get outside for a brainstorming chat. Not only does this body movement and environment shift naturally stimulate more creative regions of the brain but it also inspires a freer flowing conversation with back-and-forth exchange of ideas. This removes the weighty expectation of a premature proposed solution.
Debate, Discuss, and Decide
Once you know the direction you need to take, it’s time to move back indoors. The number one way I have found to combat decision-fatigue is to ensure that every single meeting is structured in a way where the right data is presented at the right moment with researched, clear proposed courses of action. Your leadership meetings should not center around “weather reports” where you’re simply sharing status updates - those belong in dashboards and emails! Meetings should each have a clearly defined problem to be solved and a proposed solution to be debated, discussed and decided upon. The burden of gathering this information is on the person calling the meeting and responsible for the result - not necessarily with the most senior attendee. Enforcing this rule can be game-changing for overburdened leadership teams. Use your Chief of Staffs, EAs, Project Managers and Researchers for the preparation work and data gathering. Use executives for the final decision making.?
Devil's Advocate
Occasionally we have to make an unpopular decision or feel like we are making more of an educated bet rather than a data backed solution. In these cases, it can be very powerful to enlist the role of a devil’s advocate. I was recently tasked to specifically play this role in a Board of Directors meeting where the CEO and Chairman were concerned that they had become so entrenched in their proposed solution to a serious company problem that they didn't think they could see things objectively any longer. They asked me, as an outsider to the organization, to challenge their ideas and be a voice of dissent to help them uncover any weaknesses in their proposed approach. This gave me a powerful license to challenge much more deeply than I otherwise would have been comfortable doing and it kept the entire Board much more active and attentive. In fact, we now do this consistently as a board when big decisions are being made. This shares the burden in a very empowering way across the leadership team.?
This list is not exhaustive, but it will give you a starting point for sharing your thoughts, burdens and responsibilities in a way that strengthens and supports you.?
You do not need to be lonely at the top. If you would like to discuss solutions tailored to your situation, feel free to reach out to me.
Founder & CEO at ChainCo Companies
1 年??
Rebooting Democracy, Rebuilding America, Networking the Civil Body Politic of the Internet Age Since 1992.
1 年I'm reminded of my Dad's dedication, in one of his books, "To my wife Fay, my biggest fan, and harshest critic."
?? Keynote Speaker on Stress Management & Leadership for Cross-Functional Teams | 20 Years Leading Police, Border Patrol, & Corrections l Transforming Organizations with Actionable Strategies to Enhance Productivity
1 年?? Great insights, Ann Hiatt! This article truly resonates with the challenges many leaders face. Loneliness in leadership is often overlooked, but it's crucial to address it for the well-being of both the leaders and their organizations. I especially love the point on building a support network and finding a mentor or coach. These connections can provide invaluable guidance and reassurance during difficult times. Thank you for sharing these practical and effective strategies to combat leadership loneliness. It's a valuable reminder for all leaders to prioritize self-care and seek support when needed.
I help positive, purpose-driven mom and women business owners thrive | LinkedIn Personal Branding | Content Marketing | Social Media Strategy & Social Media Management | Founder of Marketing for Moms?
1 年So many important strategies here. Thanks, Ann!
Fractional CMO for B2B Tech | Best-selling author | Advisor | Podcast host | Investor | Marketing professor
1 年Thanks Ann Hiatt as always for your amazing insight. I think this is applicable to everyone in the C-suite to an extent. Afterall, if your company is operating properly, there is only one CFO or CMO etc. : ) It's lonely. But definitely these roles have less burden than the CEOs.