6 Powerful Lessons I Learned from Failing

I live with an invisible disability, so I understand failure better than most. For every high I've had, there have been two lows to meet it. There were valuable lessons to be had in those struggles, though.

Some people feel that failures are not for sharing. Nor are the lessons learned from them. Those are private matters, in their eyes. To some people, revealing a failure is a painful thing. Some even feel ashamed for having experienced it.

I understand that, and I fault nobody for feeling that way. People hate to feel embarrassed or less than they're worth. It's a normal, human emotion.

I'd want to learn from another's experience than have that same experience myself, though. Sharing the lessons from your failures is a good thing, even if you don't share the failure itself.

Think of it this way:

There's a pothole in the road. Will you leave it for other people to find? Or will you hang a sign to let others know it exists?

Learning from your mistakes means acknowledging them.

Few people want to reinvent the wheel. That's why you see very few pothole warning signs. Most people believe that other people know it's there. If they hit the pothole, people come to one of three conclusions:

1. They knew it was there but forgot about it.
2. The pothole was unavoidable.
3. They weren't observant enough to see the pothole.

Some rare people will insist the pothole either isn't there or must be a new thing. Everyone knows a person like this. These are the same people that'll swear a pole moved, or a parked car hit them.

Learning from your mistakes means acknowledging that they happened. If you refuse to recognize that a decision was a mistake, what prevents you from doing it again? Even if it's only to yourself, acknowledge the errors in your life.

Mistakes vs. Failures

You can't talk about failure without mentioning mistakes. Some people use these terms interchangeably, but there is a difference. Let's break it down:

Mistakes are the decisions you make that lead to failures. Failures are many decisions that came together to build a failure. On the whole, most failures will always be a failure. Mistakes, however, aren't mistakes for everyone.

Sometimes, people make the same decision with better results. That doesn't say anything about you. It simply went better for them.

With that said, let me share a few lessons I learned from the failures in my life:

Try enough times, and you'll get it.

Ask me how many times I failed math. *It was several.*

I failed better each time, though. I learned where I needed improvements and worked at it. I discovered tricks to help me succeed. In those failures, I learned an important fact:

You will never succeed if you don't try. Not trying is the same as asking to fail.

If you're embarrassed by it, nobody has to know how many times you tried. Nobody has to hear about the epic failures. (Unless it's immortalized on the internet. Nobody can help you with that.) Nobody has to hear about the stupid decisions that lead to your many attempts.

Failure does not define you. How you react to it does.

And it's only failure if you give up. Otherwise, you're learning how not to achieve your goal. It's knowledge for your book of experience.

Think of it like this:

You're taking the scenic route to your destination. You're checking out all the sights?enjoying the journey, so to speak. There's nothing wrong with that. Some people like taking the scenic route.

Keep a positive attitude.

Untreated health issues could be weighing you down.

I understand that some people are suspicious of doctors. (Or any medical professional, really.) To these people, visiting them is akin to walking down main street naked. Illogical and unthinkable, right?

Being honest with yourself is the hardest part about seeking professional help. Some people feel embarrassed about their problems, so lying or fluffing it up seems like a good idea. How can anyone help you if you lie to them, though?

Untreated health issues could lead to later failures. Should that happen, you have nobody except yourself to blame. You'll feel terrible about it, too. It may even make you more afraid to seek help, though.

A medical professional's focus is your wellbeing. Trust me, and there's no silent judgment or ridicule. Those people want to make you better, so why not take advantage of it?

You do need a cheerleader.

Everyone needs that person to brighten their day and cheer them on. Nobody is going to haul it alone. Anyone that says differently is ignoring the cheerleaders in their lives.

Value that person that tells you the truth and gives a little tough love. That person is essential to your journey. When self-pity and self-destruction take over, you're going to need that person to dig you out.

Accept your limitations.

Some motivational speakers tell you that limits are all in your mind. All it takes is commitment, they'll say. You can do it if you believe in yourself, right?

That is a lie. Disney and motivational speakers are lying to you. Everyone has limitations. There's nothing wrong or abnormal about that. More importantly, it's safer to know your limits rather than ignore them. Think of it like this:

You will not grade the quality of a fish by how well it flies.

Limitations are your shortcomings. They're the eccentricities that make you who you are. Learning and accepting your limitations will be your most challenging obstacle.

Nothing says you can't work around them, though. Nothing says you can't capitalize on what you can't do.

You need a goal to measure success.

That may sound like an odd lesson, but I've been a bit of a flibbertigibbet most of my life. The only specific goal I had was raising a child. Other than that, I've had many dreams come and go.

Some of them were unrealistic. Like my dreams of being a fashion model, yet I liked food more than dieting. Others fell victim to my fears and insecurities. Those have become my greatest regrets.

I allowed fear and anxiety to drive me from one dream to another. I could have had success with many things I tried, but I was too afraid to make the leap. I never had a goal and stuck to it.

Until one day, I realized that I was standing still. Everything (and everyone) was moving on without me. It was on that day that I realized I had no idea what would make me happy.

I set small goals, and I stuck with them. I measured success in every small triumph instead of looking to tackle mountains. It wasn't what I felt others did, but it worked for me.

Redefine Failure

Failure is an integral part of life that helps people learn, grow, and mature. It teaches us about our shortcomings and strengths. We grow stronger from failure. Why are we taught to be ashamed of it, then? 

Failure is a natural part of success, and we should start redefining it as such. Think of it like this: 

When asked about his multiple failures creating the light bulb, Thomas Edison replied, "I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Take that attitude with you in whatever endeavor you decide to dive into. That is the attitude of a successful person.

Celebrate Failure

Whether you're a parent or a team leader, celebrate the failures as the lessons they are. Talk about them, and figure out what went wrong. Tell yourself, "I haven't failed. I learned a lesson for next time." 

Define failure as the absence of trying. Consider failure those moments you don't learn. Failure is valuable lessons we're teaching ourselves. 

Going Forward

Failure is inevitable. You can either use those failures to build a foundation to stand on or carry them around as baggage. What you choose to do will define you as a person.

Success is the inevitable result of failure. Comment with stories of failures that became successes for you.