6 months of freelancing

The secret confessions of a copywriter

My mum always said that I’d be the one to stick two fingers up to the office establishment and saunter off on my own. She was right. In 2019, I had a fantastic job, with a wonderful team. So when the business unexpectedly closed, I felt it was a nice moment to end the chapter in my life of working for someone else. I’d found myself staying later and later, stressing over someone else’s profits, more and more over the years.

So, at the grand old age of 28, I thought f*ck it. From now on, I’m doing this my way. Leaving behind the comforts of being a Senior Manager in an investment bank, Hannah Duncan Investment Content was born. On the 15th of July 2019, I secured my first client job. In an uninspiring and incessantly noisy café in Zurich, I scribbled down my instructions and got writing. You could have seen the smile on my face from London. Six months later, I’m still alive to tell the tale, and just about surviving this new lifestyle. Here’s my most honest reflections and lessons so far.

Taking feedback on the chin

So I’ve got a confession. Sometimes I can’t open the feedback and work on it straight away. I open it and read it, sitting on my hands to avoid replying. Then I walk away, for about half an hour. I call my mum, have a cup of tea, write a blog, go for a run … literally anything. A few deep breaths later, maybe a bit of grumbling on my own and I’m back. I can get to work. Nice and calm. I make the changes without a fuss, and send the work back with a smile. “Thank you for your feedback, please find attached”. It’s like playing poker - freelance style.

My job is to deliver what my clients want and need, I have to get it right first time. I have to make it as pain-free for them as possible. There’s no margin for error, no margin for cheekiness. My little brother works in a pub in Tooting, one of his locals gave me some advice that I’ll never forget, “If you can’t stand the heat in the kitchen … well just f*ck off then”. Not the most polished expression. But then again, she had just delivered the winning blow in a scuffle with a man twice her size. If you want to play the game, these are the rules. Accept the feedback graciously and learn from it. If you can’t handle it, take your artistic temperament and get out of the kitchen.

The question of client loyalty and heartbreak

Oh God. My heart. When it happens, it’s a bit like a break-up. There’s no getting around it. When a client decides they don’t need you anymore, it hurts. Like really hurts. I’ve been fired before. For doodling Welsh dragons and smiley faces on pints of Guinness and John Smiths in a rather fascist old man pub in Exeter. I cried, I begged this miserable w*nker to let me keep my horrible job pulling pints and cleaning p*ss. The second time I got fired, years later, I cried and laughed in the same moment. I was thrilled to leave but shocked that it wasn't my decision. But when you get that call from your client, the first time it happens, everything freezes. The world stops on its axis for just a second. One minute you’re part of the team, the next moment you’ve been put in the bin. You love them. You’ve turned down work for them, you’ve refused to help their competitors and now you feel like a tit. A big, sad tit.

Of course, despite that last sentence, I’m a professional. Years of investment banking and investment management people have prepared me for brutal moments. I hear myself thanking everyone for the opportunity, explaining that I would do exactly the same and that I appreciate the heads-up. Then of course, inevitably, once the phone is down and the world moves once again, I have a little cry. Just a few tears, just for less than a minute. Sometimes its really hard. Sometimes I feel totally out of my depth in this new life. But that goes with the territory. The next morning you wake up and think "go and fix it you daft cow" and everything is ok again. I have the absolute belief that I can make it work, which helps a lot.

Now I have to start again. Dust off my heart, fight and find that new client. Save a little more with that last paycheque. This is freelancing, it's life on the edge. Sometimes it feels more like free falling and it’s a bit scary.

Shrinking my ego and getting ignored a lot

Ok, so here’s the thing. I used to be a little bit important in my company. I was responsible for a department, managed a team and was in every meeting going. Whether I liked it or not. To be honest, I often felt out of my depth. Managing people is so f*cking mental. I may have felt a bit imposter syndrome-y, … but I got used to being respected. Let me tell you, that is the first thing to go when you freelance.

For any new freelancers, I cannot emphasise enough how your role has changed. You went from being Carson (Downton reference) to Daisy overnight. Over. Night. As my sister Holly would say, “omg so much gross”. You may have led a team, but now you find that an intern is in charge of your work. Nothing against interns. Your emails are not answered immediately, they’re not answered at all.

Just getting paid is like a full time job in itself. I’ve run out of words to politely remind people about my invoice and I’m a copywriter. I’m not great at demanding payment or replies … and I’ve really suffered for it. I feel like a tw*t sometimes. I'm from the roaring Welsh Valleys, the home of fierce women, but I can never channel my inner Nessa (shout out to Gavin and Stacey) when it counts. I’ve done so much work for free. I’ve travelled all around the UK to client meetings, only to have them ignore me or change their mind when I arrive home. It's not cheap. It sucks. But like dating … you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince.

You’ve gone from being essential, to disposable. You have to adapt to that really quickly. Kill your ego, and get on with the job. If you don’t, and you get even a little bit cocky about your experience … just a little… you can kiss that lead goodbye. One of the most important things I’ve learned is to stay very humble. Say your opinion, but don’t push it. Make your point, but leave it at that. Above all, don’t be patronising. Don’t parade your experience. Be kind, be helpful and stay in it for the long term. It’s not always easy, but it’s the best survival technique I’ve learned.

Being sensitive to office moods

Ok, here’s an awkward one. Your presence might cause some tensions. I wasn’t really expecting this when I first started freelancing. But to be honest, it’s obvious – especially in the bigger firms. They want a freelancer because somewhere along the line, something is missing. Maybe they don’t have the headcount for the people they need. Maybe the work that other people are producing isn’t doing the job. Maybe your salary is coming out of their bonus. Maybe, maybe, maybe. You have to square that circle. You're coming in like a lamb to the slaughter and you don't know the full story. Tread lightly. I’m pretty sure that my work has caused some heads to clash over the past six months. You want everyone to like you for your personality, but it’s not that simple. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself the political pawn on a chessboard, it happens. Do your job well and stay super professional.

I’m quite a dramatic, emotional personal naturally. Small dogs, weddings, tiny gloves for children … I’m all over the place. But you need to let other people be the “humans” when you freelance. That’s kind of the job too. You plug the gap, you don’t make it bigger. There’s a lot of listening, and nodding. I’m still learning to be honest, it’s not my strong point. But I’m getting there.

Sometimes you go to a meeting expecting this dense chat about fund compositions (yay!) and end up listening to someone’s frustrations. Working life can be tough for everyone. You’re this outsider who can be really helpful but you can also be a catalyst for budding tensions. It’s not like you’re a team member who will stay and settle in. You’re there and then you’re not. Appearing and disappearing at a desk like a blinking fairy light. You’ve got a harder gig than everyone else, and not everyone is going to want you around. You’ll be lonely a lot of the time, and not always liked when you are with people. Honestly, it’s a toughie. But it can also be incredibly rewarding, I've worked with some of the best people in my career since freelancing. The quality of my work has also shot up considerably.

So is it worth it?

Yes.

… I can’t really leave it there can I? But that’s the honest answer. Sure, I don’t have a f*cking clue where my next income is coming from. Every one of my clients could bin me or not pay me and I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on. I have to be this super polite PG version of myself where I am always lovely and never a show-off (tricky sometimes!). I go to client meetings and parties where I could be dumped at any moment and I play poker with my face like an Olympic sport. Nearly every email I write is discarded and my work is chopped and changed like an old pound of mince. But I love it.

I can always go back to the daily grind. Most days I look around on Indeed to see what’s available. I get a lot of recruitment calls and I take them all. I have a head hunter interview tomorrow, ironically on my six month business anniversary. Truth be told, I don’t know if I’ll have enough money to keep freelancing. I don’t know if I will have enough to last me until next month. It’s very unpredictable. Luckily I’m a spontaneous sort of person. 

But you know what? Right now I’m sitting in a secret café that I just discovered in Muswell Hill. It’s a little gem of creeky old chairs and tumbling ancient books. My website, that my lovely boyfriend Lucas and I have spent weeks building is doing really well. Today it’s position number one on Google for “investment content”. Position number one!! Maybe tomorrow it will go down, but today it’s number one. That's a real victory. In this line of work, you have to celebrate the successes for as long as you can.

I wake up naturally and I am living a more fulfilling life. No more central line at rush hour. I’m seeing my family more. I decided to get braces which I would never have done if I was a manager. You can see my train track smile shining across London, the best city in the world. Is freelancing worth it? Yes. Now pass the champagne, while my emails get ignored... I've got some celebrating to do.