The 6 Levels of Emotional Mastery

Do you know your level of mastery over your emotions?  How could we measure such a thing?

Over the past few months I have been developing my thoughts around this and I have found a valuable framework that has been working well for myself and my students.

But before we go into the levels of emotional state mastery it becomes important to know and decide which emotional states you would like to have more of in your life.   

In order to master an emotion the first step is going to be to decide what that emotion is!

Of course there are many emotions one could master, but if you haven’t done it yet, I would highly recommend the state of ‘acceptance’ as a great place to begin. 

I personally practice acceptance daily and would recommend it to everybody.   

If something is happening in the world you have the option to accept or reject it, but regardless of your choice the situation is the situation, so you might as well accept it!

Here are some other great resource states I would recommend mastering:

• Appreciation
• Love 
• Respect
• Patience
• Inner peace
• Focus

 There are so many resourceful emotions and in order to master your emotions you will need to decide which emotion will work on mastering first. If you can master one emotion you can just replicate that process with other emotions until you gain a high level of emotional mastery.

So let's discuss my six levels.

 Level 1:

At the primary level my initial question is, “Can you access your desired emotion, on purpose, in a safe and calm environment?”

Seems simple enough.  

 This could be in your home, alone in your office, in a coaching room with a coach, or any other calm and safe space.

 If you can’t access it yourself in a calm and safe environment you’re probably not going to be able to access it when it really matters.

 The NLP state elicitation skills are really going to support you in being able to access your emotions, when you want them, in the safety of your own environment.

Level 2:

Once you’ve passed level one and are able to access the state in a calm environment we are ready for level two.   

 The question at level two is, can you get yourself into your desired state (still in a calm and safe environment) at a level of 8 or higher in intensity in less than one breath or less than three seconds.

 In other words, can you get there quickly and intensely on command?

 The skill of NLP anchoring will facilitate you to quickly get yourself into those states and in a way that is robust and adequately intense.

 Getting into your desired states quickly and intensely will be a higher level mastery of your emotions and this ability, when unlocked, will allow you a new ability which is to “meta-state”.

The skill of meta-stating allows us to take our basic states such as joy or love and ‘cook up’ more complex states such as proactivity, optimism, courage, and self-esteem.

 Level 3:

Once you are able to quickly and intensely get into your emotions on command, the next level asks: Can you apply that emotion, in your imagination, in the desired contexts?  

Here we are still in a safe and calm physical environment but the aim is to take it into our desired contexts in our mind’s eye.

Can you imagine having the desired emotion at the desired intensity where you would like to have it the most?

 For example, if I want to be more accepting when I am stuck in traffic can I imagine being accepting of being stuck in traffic without objections?  

Or if you want to be enjoying doing your taxes, can you imagine enjoying the process of doing your taxes?

If you can’t imagine it in your own mind-body system you’re probably not going to be able to access it in the situations where you really need it, so this is the next level of mastery over an emotion.

Level 4:

At level number four we are finally taking our skills out into the real world.  

The question at level number for is, can you actually apply the state in the situations where you need it the most.

This is the first step where we are out of that calm and safe environment, we are actually in the desired context. 

Now all of that inner game practice that we have been doing of getting into our desired states, strengthening them, and imagining having them when we want them is ready to be tested out in the outer world.

Can you actually do it in real time?

When we first implement our desired emotions at this level, meaning we are applying our desired emotions when, where and with whom we want it, it probably won’t be perfect.  It may be a little clunky.  It may not be at an 8/10 or higher in intensity. That is perfectly okay.

What is important at this level is that you can apply it in the situations where you need it the most.

Level 5:

Once you’re able to access your desired emotions in the desired contexts, the next level is to practice this skill until it becomes automated in you, in those situations.   

At level 5 the desired state becomes your new and habituated response in those situations when you need it.

Level 6:

This last level is optional, but if you practice your state in your desired context until it becomes automatic, and in other environments you gain a new option to take this emotion even deeper.  

If you so desire you could take your emotions and actually get them to become part of your attitude so that they are automatically and unconsciously part of how you are.  Not just in that specific situation but in all situations.

At this level the emotion becomes part of your personality, part of your attitude, part of how you are and who you are in the world.

You will not want to take all emotions to this level of integration; in fact you have probably already gone through this process with some emotions that are probably not the most useful for you.

I know at certain times in my life I have had sadness or anger as a part of my attitude because I had practiced them so much, I could access them so quickly and so intensely in my imagination and in real situations that they became part of how I was.  

Final Words:

Being conscious of the levels of mastery that our emotions naturally progress through we now have new powers available to us.   

Instead of this process happening to use based on our circumstances we can now deliberately take an emotion like acceptance, appreciation, gratitude, love, compassion, patience, etc. and make them part and parcel of how you are being in the world.  

When we do this we are able to integrate your emotions through deeper and deeper levels of of ourselves and achiever higher levels of self and emotional mastery.