6 Lessons to Remember When in Difficult Times

It’s been a challenging year for me. Many aspects of my life, from work to family, were turned up-side-down. I’m glad to have experienced some great wins and outcomes along the way, and I’m thankful to everyone who’s been part of the journey with me. 

As 2019 comes to an end, I’ve taken a moment to reflect on some of my biggest lessons. The one thing that I know for sure, there will always be difficulties ahead, and I’ll remember these lessons as I go through them. 

1. Embrace the Pain, Face the Pain

There were times when I found myself hiding from thinking about stressful matters. I found myself avoiding problems by watching shows, playing video games, or whatever else made a good distraction. It’s also challenging to talk to others when it hits my ego, and I find myself embarrassed to mention it. It is vital to have time to escape and give your mind a chance to recharge, but the longer you avoid the pain, the harder it gets to face the pain. 

I’ll remember to face my fears, head-on, and early by taking the time to embrace my problems as reality and moving quickly to find solutions. Talking to people around me whom I can trust is immensely helpful as it gives me a way to organize my thoughts and get comfortable speaking to the subject matter. Because of that, I’ll remember to talk through the realities of my life with people. And, in turn, I’ll be there for them.

2. Win Together, Lose Together

When things get stressful, we have a knee jerk reaction to find someone or something to blame. I believe it comes from wanting to find the root cause of the issue and distancing ourselves from that cause, so we are not to blame. When the blame falls on a team member, it’s easy to shift all the accountability to that person. This focuses the responsibility to one person, allowing everyone else to rest easy because it “wasn’t their job.”

This mentality doesn’t make for a reliable and safe team dynamic. Alternatively, it can introduce more dysfunction and mistrust. Instead of finding someone to blame, I will remind myself, and others, that we all need to watch out for each other and the overall team's success. We win together and we lose together. In this mindset, when we are all accountable, we find that it’s not as weighty because we’re all lifting together.

3. Doubt is Healthy & Necessary 

I’m responsible for decisions that have serious implications, and it’s easy to doubt myself, especially in times of stress. I have my own inner conflict as my heart and mind sometimes want different things. I also have viewpoints from people around me offering up alternate solutions. With all that going on and the clock always ticking, how do I know that I’ve made the right decision?

I have to remind myself to separate my decisions from the outcomes they create. When we make decisions, we’re making the best choice based on the limited information in front of us. There is no guarantee and so many factors could sway the outcome. With that in mind, I’ll remember that doubt is rational, and a healthy dose of skepticism is necessary to see things from different angles. I won’t let doubt stop me from committing, and I’ll remember that it’s ok to change my mind.

4. Lead With Sincerity & Honesty 

If there’s a time that tests your integrity, it’s during times of struggle. I’ve been tempted to take the easy road, to be dishonest, to quit altogether, to cast blame, to cheat. It’s easy to be tempted by the dark side, especially when it’s for the most righteous reasons that we make in our minds.

It’s times like these when I have to fortify my integrity. Both to myself and others around me. Remind everyone what values you stand for and how those values need to be unwavering. Without a set of values, it’s easy to veer off course. Whenever pondering scenarios in my mind, I’ll remember to understand what are facts and what are stories that I’m making up. Further, when getting into substantial conversations with others, I’ll prepare myself to be very clear with what I intend and what I don’t intend and communicate that from the start.

 5. Breathe, Enjoy, Exercise, and Read

When we are backed in a corner, it’s especially easy to keep working frantically to get out. It actually feels uneasy when you’re not working. It’s essential to give your mind and body time to relax and exercise in a variety of ways. 

Especially during times of stress, I’ll remind myself to BEER - Breath, Enjoy, Exercise, and Read. I’ll be mindful of my everyday habits and remember to stand straight, breathe right, unclench my jaws, etc. Give myself the time to enjoy time with family and friends, play a game, or take a nap. Soak in new types of wisdom and perspectives by reading a book, listening to a new podcast, or learning something new. Exercise gives me strength, endurance, and a release of anxiety. I’ll remember to be confident that when I’m breathing, enjoying, exercising, and reading, I’ll be more likely to find the solution I’m looking for faster and happier.

6. You’re Stronger Than You Think

When it hits the fan, and it’s a big one, it’s easy to lose hope. Sometimes it feels like there’s no way out and that I’m trapped in this forever. I recall a time when I was recovering from a lower back sprain and wondering if I will be able to walk without pain again. I think our brains must somehow enjoy the drama. I know I have an overactive imagination. We all love a good story, and good stories have great conflicts. These conflicts need to seem significant and impossible because it wouldn’t make a good story otherwise.

If I think about it, every substantial achievement I’ve made in life has spawned from a struggle. I’ll remember that our everyday struggles give us new opportunities that we have to uncover. In the words of Superman, “Trust me, you’re stronger than you think you are,” I remind myself that I will overcome, difficult times will inevitably pass, and I will have leveled-up because of it.

Let’s take on 2020 and this new decade by storm!