6 Lessons from a Matchmaking Show

I watched a matchmaking show recently (don’t judge) and I learnt some really great insights. I said, don’t judge, but I know some people will and that is all good. What caught my attention is the care taken in that particular community to find the right life partner.

Let me give some background. The professional matchmakers do interviews, understand the individual and family then get to the work of matching for compatibility. They look at interests, work experience, education, family background, faith, family history etc and then recommend potential partners. Once the client chooses a person, they meet often with their family present but also on their own. It is interesting to still see this if happening in the current day but even more amazing is how simple the information shared is.

Several things stood out for me as I listened that got me thinking about my business and how to grow my relationships and interactions.

Know yourself: I cannot connect with people if I don’t know who I am. Very often, we know whom we think we are based on what people have said about us or how we have responded to life in the past. However, is that really who we are? Is that who I am when I am alone at night or at my desk? Over the years, I realised that I had a perception of myself that wasn’t true. I assumed I was an extrovert but I am not and it took a long time to realise that I am actually an ambivert. Finally, I could see why certain things didn’t work before and why others did. It is important to know yourself.

Clarify what you want: It is easy to say I want to have a successful business but what does that look like? What sector? What impact? How large in terms of staff, opportunities, and income? How would you like to see your world changed by the very existence of your business? Be clear about what drives your life so that you can remain true to it. My mind comes back to, “as a man thinks, so is he...” so when we know what drives, inspires, or even encourages us, we know where we are going and can see the opportunities that come our way.

Be flexible & adaptable: sometimes when we meet people, we are so stuck in our ways that we miss the opportunity to learn something new or see something we have never seen before. If we are bound by our stereotypes or past experiences, we easily refuse to budge on matters and judge others by what we have been through. It is important to be open to listening to opinions that are different from our own when others come our way. Be flexible to shift to new models of operation, different options and ideas and even look for ways to find consensus.

Never judge a book by the cover: One common human trait is to look at another person and make a choice about who they are and what they would respond to or not based on how they look. This is often reflexive and seriously affects our interactions. We must make the deliberate choice to allow people to show us whom they are instead of making judgments by what we see. Many times the ways we judge will be off track and that will affect how we relate with the people.

Give others a chance to speak: If you are like me and have thousands of words you can speak a day, it is possible that you would hog the conversation and shut others out. Very often, the less talkative and aggressive people get overshadowed and that skews the conversation or relationships. How often can you choose to be still, say nothing until the other person has spoken even if they speak slowly? Let’s be conscious to allow others to speak and see the changes it brings.

If things don’t work, try something else: I have battled with this for a while. Many times things are clearly not working but I stay there, shaking the door, turning the paper this way and that, hoping things will change and nothing shifts until I realised, no amount of cajoling will shift something that is destined to be still or something that has reached its logical end. Doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result is madness so I learnt to let go of the madness and shift my focus, energy or actions and that is when results are had.

Life can teach us lessons from many different places as long as we are listening and watching for truth and light. Choose your desired outcome and do the work to attain it. Remember, all these lessons can be applied to relationships in a family, business, and social circles.