6 Keys to Finding Resiliency

We’ve all been there. You’re running late to an important meeting and halfway there you realize you left the paperwork at home. And then your check engine light comes on. Or your toddler is having their fifth meltdown in public and everyone around you is staring. Or maybe you’ve just been let go from the company you’ve given over 10 years of your life to.

How do you bounce back when facing disappointment, difficulties, and many other life stressors? The key is resiliency. It’s the difference between handling pressure and losing your cool. As Chumbawamba succinctly sang, “I get knocked down, but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down.”

Sounds easy, right? Well, not always. Everyone responds differently to the problems life can bring. Being resilient doesn’t mean you just “get over it” or put your head down and push through. While that may seem to work in the short term, there are other ways you can build behaviors to help be more resilient long term. Finding resilience is a skill that can be taught and learned with time.

Here are a few key tips that have helped me:

1. Put it on paper. When faced with a problem sometimes we get caught up in our own head and make it bigger than it really is. Take a step back to assess the problem before you. Use the “5 Whys” to determine the true root cause of the issue. Then write it down and think about possible solutions. Getting it down on paper helps you see the real problem and then figure out the right steps to address it.

2. Take small steps. A journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step and sometimes the hardest part is just getting started. Once you have your goals/solutions, reverse engineer it. Break it down into manageable steps to fix the problem. Maybe create a list of pros and cons to help with decision making. Whatever you choose, actively working on solutions will help you feel more in control.

3. Acknowledge and celebrate small wins. Setbacks will happen, but that’s ok. When energy is low, it can be challenging to accomplish anything. When you celebrate your small victories, you will give yourself little hits of energy that will add up over time. Plus, acknowledging small victories helps you keep track of how far you’ve come.

4. Know when to let shit go. You can’t control the weather, traffic, or other people’s behaviors. Holding onto unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others can ultimately set us up for failure or disappointment. And until time travel is invented, you can’t go back and fix past mistakes. What you CAN do is change how you react to the situation and let go of what you can’t control, like what other people think about you.

5. Take care of yourself. It’s hard to think clearly when you haven’t slept or ate well. When you feel anxious or overwhelmed, your body responds with stress hormones. That’s why it’s so important to learn to take time to take care of yourself. By taking care of your own needs, you can boost your overall health and resilience so you’re ready to face life’s challenges.

6. Ask for help. Trying to handle everything on your own and avoiding asking for help is unhealthy. I’ve learned that trying to do everything myself is not always the best use of my time, skills, or energy. Asking for help can be anything from delegating a work assignment, seeing a therapist, or simply calling your mom. Asking for help is a sign of strength. Having caring, supportive people around you is like having a protective circle during times of crisis.

"I get by with a little help from my friends" - Lennon/McCartney        

Becoming more resilient takes time and practice and we all have the power to develop a resilient mindset. And like any new behavior change or habit, it needs to be practiced and strengthened consistently. Just remember to be patient with yourself and be present in your progress versus focusing on how much farther you have to go.

Do you consider yourself to be resilient? Are you naturally resilient or have you become resilient because of your life experiences? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!