6 keys to feeling confident in English (at any English level)

In 1957, a monastery in Thailand relocated, and a group of monks was put in charge of moving a large clay, Buddha. A monk shined his flashlight over the entire Buddha and light reflected at him from a crack in the statue. The monk immediately began chipping away at it to see what was hidden underneath. Chip after chip, the Buddha shone brighter and brighter, and after several hours of work, the monk was astonished to find a massive solid gold Buddha standing before him.

So what does this clay-covered golden Buddha have to do with your English confidence?

Confidence is gold. When exposed, it shines a light on our inner beauty, gravitates people toward us, and boosts our interpersonal relationships. Consequently, expressions like, “I’m not good at languages,” or “I’m too old to learn a new language” add on layers of insecurity, that leave non-native English-speakers feeling "blocked" from communicating as effectively as they would in their native language. 

To help you chip away your fear, I've come up with a few tips you can start using today to uncover your own golden Buddha and speak more confidently in English. 

Feel the fear and say it anyway!

Since 2001, I've seen my non-native English-speaking clients take on extraordinary challenges in English (from closing multi-million dollar international business deals on the phone to speaking before the Dalai Lama and meeting with current and past world leaders. The one trait 100% of them have in common is confidence as a result of persistence in the face of fear. They understand that confidence lives underneath fear, and by venturing outside of their comfort zone, at the risk of erring, they chip away at the fear and unveil an indefinable magnetism, that makes them naturally charismatic and confident when speaking English. 

Stop taking yourself so seriously

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing to be wrong." You can only elude the fear of being wrong by not taking yourself so seriously! We all make mistakes, so we might as well learn from them! A few years ago, upon returning to Rome from New York, a client asked me if I had found a lot of “cows” in New York. I knew she meant “chaos” (pronounced “kay-awss”) but to help her remember and give her an opportunity to laugh at her mistake, I played along (instead of correcting the pronunciation error right off the bat)…"Cows in New York!? - Why would I see cows in New York!!?" She quickly realized the error of her ways, and ten years later she’s still laughing over New York’s cows and chaos fiasco.

 Flex your Active Listening skills

Great communicators (and psychiatrists) know how to use active listening to speak less while getting others to talk more. Try practicing the following questions/expressions the next time you’re making small talk. The caveat is that you must be genuinely interested in the person you’re speaking with; otherwise, you’ll come off as inauthentic.

• That’s so interesting tell me more (about that)/ I’d love to know more about 
• How do you feel about….?
• What do you think about…..?
• If I hear you correctly, you’re saying that…. (paraphrasing)
• What is it about ……that you find interesting/promising?
• How do you see ….. changing in the future?
• When did you start …..
•  What are your thoughts on .....?

Be Decisive 

Make a decision and stick to it. Expressions like “I don’t think I can meet with you tomorrow,” or “I don’t know if I can help you” make you appear less confident. Indecision is often an indicator of low self-esteem or fear of failure. By avoiding decisions, you may not fail at anything, but you won't succeed either! Remember that by respecting your commitments, and speaking honestly, people will respect you too. 

Go Thatcheresque 

Margaret Thatcher knew that low pitch meant high power and with the help of a tutor from the National Theatre, the Iron Lady underwent a training program which included special humming exercises to lower her pitch level. Researchers at a Canadian university found that voters tend to prefer lower-pitched voices, and rated lower pitch speakers higher for attractiveness, leadership potential, honesty, intelligence, and dominance. 

Wrapping up, my advice to you is simply this: Don’t be afraid to speak up. By facing your fear of communicating and being OK with making mistakes, you'll chip away at the layers of insecurity that have been holding you back, and will shine brighter than any Buddha ever has, because the light that is in you can only come out when you express yourself completely, and authentically.

Giovanna Bonomo – Blescia, Co-founder Over-Key Media Content & Communication Inc.