6 Habits for a More Confident YOU!!!

Have you ever found yourself wishing you felt more confident?

Maybe, you’ve watched someone else do brave things and thought, “Gosh, If I had her confidence I would...”

If either of these thoughts sound familiar, I have great news for you…

Confidence is a skill!!

None of us were born with (or without) confidence.

Feeling confident is a skill we develop over time by taking deliberate action and developing habits that create confidence.

Not sure where to start?

Here are 6 confidence building habits that you can incorporate into your life starting today:

1.????Speak a Little Slower & a Little Louder

Increasing your volume immediately communicates authority, competence, and confidence. People won’t have to strain to hear you. Colleagues and friends will pay more attention when you pump up the volume.

Speaking more slowly gives the listener time to digest your message. It also shows that you believe your message is worthy of their time and attention.

In her book “Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges”, Amy Cudy shares that rushing is a lower power activity, and taking your time is powerful. By speaking more slowing you are signaling that you are confident in your ideas and not afraid of interruptions.

Taking your time to make decisions is another way you can slow down. You don’t have to decide the answer to a question the second it is asked. Tell your colleague or boss that you’ll need some time to think about their question or request, and set a date and time you’ll get back to them.

(ohhhh… and if you haven’t seen Amy Cudy’s Ted Talk “Your body language may shape who you are” be sure to check it out!)

2.????Celebrate Criticism

Fear of criticism is a major reason we avoid taking bold actions that will create our dream lives and career success. Here are a few things to remember the next time you feel fear sneaking in to stop you.

Criticism comes to those who stand out.

When you are making bold statements, pursuing your dreams, or sharing new ideas… you are going to stand out. And when you do, not everyone will agree with you. This is a good thing!!! It means that you are saying and doing things that are outside of what is typical or “the way we do things around here”. Your ideas are different… and YOU are being heard!

If you aren’t turning anyone off, you aren’t turning anyone on!

When someone disagrees with your idea, proposed solution, or next step… that is fabulous! The more passionately they disagree the better, because that means someone else will love your ideas with the same passion!!

Repeated action makes things less scary.

Taking small steps toward the thing that scares you will greatly reduce your level of fear.

• Afraid of public speaking? Join Toastmasters.
• Going back to school feels daunting? Take one class.
• The thought of Interviewing is terrifying? Practice with a friend or colleague.

?With deliberate practice, the things that scare you today, will not scare you tomorrow!

3.????Stop Justifying, Defending, and Explaining

I once had a mentor who told me to never spend more than 60 seconds justifying, defending, or explaining my ideas or decisions.

Wow! THAT stopped me in my tracks.

Over explaining is a habit that reduces our confidence and the level of confidence that others have in us.

Why?

Because it leaves the impression that we have done something wrong. Think about the last time you heard someone go on and on defending their decision. What was your impression of them? Very likely you were left with the impression they had done something wrong.

And you know what? That person very likely thought they were adding value by providing as much information as possible.

When we are justifying, defending, and explaining we are informing. We are not persuading and we don’t appear strategic or confident.

The best way to get out of this trap is to share the new information that you have learned, and the new direction that you recommend for next steps.

That’s it!! No need to rehash previous decisions or explain why you made them.

And please... don’t apologize.

You learned something new and are taking new action. It’s that simple.

4.????Ask the right questions

All questions are not created equal. There are questions that diminish your confidence and the confidence others have in you.,

Then... there are questions that highlight your confidence and invite collaboration and discussion.

Questions that diminish your ideas and confidence into question sound like these:

• Was that clear?
• Did that make sense?
• Was that confusing?

Ugh!! When we ask these types of questions we are basically saying:

• I think I rambled on and didn’t provide the right detail.
• I don’t think I make sense when I share my ideas.
• I’m confused, and the way I described my idea was confusing.

Great questions to ask sound like these:

• Would you like more detail around <fill in the blank>?
• What questions do you have?
• What else would you like to know?

Ask questions that invite conversation and create confidence in your ideas and suggestions.

5.????Replace “I’m sorry” with “Thank you”

I could write an entire article on why “sorry” and apologizing (unless you’ve stepped on someone’s toe) is damaging your career.

For now, let’s focus on replacing "sorry” with “thank you”.

As you read the pairs of statements below, think about how differently you would feel saying each… and how differently you would be perceived by your colleagues:

• I’m sorry you have to help me so much. Or… Thank you for being patient with me while I’m learning.
• I’m sorry I’ve been talking so much. Or … Thank you for listening to me.

If you aren’t sure if “sorry” has become a habit you need to shake, try this:

1. Go to your inbox in your business and career email accounts
2. Do a search on “sorry” and “apologize”
3. Write down how many hits you get
4. Email me (or DM me on LinkedIN) and let me know your number! (seriously, I love it when people do this... [email protected])

You’ll quickly find out if this should be an area of focus and development. It’s much easier to remove “sorry” from your written communications first and then turn your focus to doing the same in conversations.

Tip: If you have G-mail there is a super cool plug in called “Just Not Sorry” that will highlight minimizing words and phrases in your notes, giving you and opportunity to rephrase your messages before hitting the send button.

6.????Disagree with Kindness

It can be difficult to share your ideas when they are different from what appears to be consensus in meeting. This is especially true when a Sr. Leader is recommending a solution and you have other ideas on how to solve the problem.

In these situations, people who struggle with confidence often stay quiet or try to find ways to soften their messages by saying things like:

• This is probably a bad idea, but what if we…
• You know more than I do about this, I was wondering if it would be a good idea to…
• Do you think it would work if we….?

Here are a few opening statements that will have you sharing your ideas with confidence:

• I see it differently…
• I have another option for us to explore...
• Let’s discuss the potential outcomes if we…

?Open the conversation for discussion and collaboration by using phrases that show you are confident in your ideas and suggestions.

You are smart and capable. That’s why you were hired into your position!

Incorporate these 6 habits into your day and you will feel your confidence rising… right along with your level of influence and promotability!