6 gentle steps to move through tearful, wobbly moments in your life and biz

I had a giant meltdown several weeks ago.

(Actually, if you’ve been following me here for awhile, you’ll probably recognise that I seem to have a regularly scheduled meltdown every 6 months or so. This might bore/annoy you. Or it might offer you the reassurance that this stuff happens to most of us - and it’s okay to keep talking about it).

So, there I was - in a flood of tears on my living room sofa, sobbing about how desperate and hopeless and dire everything felt.

I then panic-scrolled Indeed and Reed and Fiver and Upwork; Googled searched all the recruitment agencies in my area; and started planning how I might apply to work that part-time minimum wage job at my local supermarket - I heard there was a 4am Sunday shift going and I was absolutely prepared to do it (Note 1)

Yep, it was a Meltdown. Wobble. A full on Menty B.

Maybe you’re like my partner, who is even-keeled, steady and able to meet almost all challenges with equanimity and calm 99% of the time. In which case, please go about your day in peace!

But if any of this sounds familiar, you might like to read on to find out how I moved myself out of this wobble.

(Not 100% back-to-norm yet, but certainly on the way there and feeling a lot more hopeful than 10 days ago).

Here are the 6 (+1) very gentle, very cosy things I did to move through the meltdown:

1 Just take the next tiny possible step. Move just 1%

Counter the overwhelm by not trying to travel all the way from A to Z. You don’t need to know the entire massive plan right now. You also don’t need to go from feeling like the bottom of an unflushed toilet to feeling like Rainbow Brite in the next instant.

Give yourself permission to just move from A to B, the next tiniest possible thing - even if that tiny thing is to pick up the phone and talk to someone loving.

Speaking of which…

2 Ask for help; Let yourself receive support

You don’t have to be a hero, all day every day.

You also don’t have to try do and solve everything on your own.

Reach out to good friends who you know really have your back, believe in the best you have to bring, and can help you make good-feeling, practical decisions for your next (very tiny, 1%, A-to-B) steps.

3 Give yourself permission to go slow

Let yourself go a little slower; do things that feel a little gentler.

Don’t feel pummeled into doing and reacting to things right now. Instead, give yourself space to respond from a healthy feeling, steady place.

(Also, consciously recognise that the sky won't fall down if you take a little longer to reply to an email; or if I need to rearrange some things in my calendar to create some breathing space).

4 Check in with your steady, safe, unchanging higher self

Remember that self and what she has accomplished, is capable of and can offer the world.

Let yourself be supported and led by that self (not the currently wobbly one) to take those next steps from a better-feeling, wise, steady, knowing space.

5 Surf the wave; (rather than trying to force your way through it)

Don’t insist or rush yourself into feeling 110% happy clappy right this instant.

Let it be okay to rest here awhile and just let this wave pass through. Know that it isn't going to be forever, and it will pass (as it always has before!).

Often, the fastest way through these wobbles is (counterintuitively) NOT to hurry it but to just be with it for awhile.

6 Insist on 100% cheerleading support... or nothing

Be super protective of whom you let into your space when you feel ‘raw’

Only let in people you know will be uplifting, and will bring the energy / inspo / belief / motivation you need.

Keep anyone neggy or hard-to-be-around at a very long arms' length.

(Counter any potential guilt around this by acknowledging that those are not necessarily 'bad people'. They’re just not right for you at this time).

—

Bonus: Hold yourself like a baby ‘roo

This is all about holding yourself gently; cosseting yourself for awhile.

I like to think of it as holding myself like I’m a little baby kangaroo in its mama’s pouch!

It takes a lot for me to say this. I abhor the thought of being overly coddled or self-indulgent or (snow)flaky; the Asian part of me wants to just give myself a Chinese-mother slap and tell me to just get on with it! (Note 2)

But holding yourself gently isn’t the same as being indulgent. It is about simply acknowledging where you are (rather than denying / avoiding) and knowing that those ick feelings are allowed to be there sometimes too (not just the good ones).

Those wobbles aren’t there to make you feel bad. They’re there to signal something isn’t quite working; or something needs to shift, even if that shift is just a very slight one at first.

The wobbles will always come and go. It’s helpful to think of them not as something happening to you, but at something happening for you:

They’re for you to move to the next step in your growth for you to work out and drop what isn’t working anymore for you to deepen your self-trust and permission-giving self-love even more for you to make even better decisions and take even clearer, more aligned steps towards the things you fully desire

So I’ve been holding myself like a soft, fluffy brioche bun. I’ve let myself just be in this space for awhile, and move that 1% when it feels okay - trusting that every 1% forward is something good happening for me.

And you know what? I am moving through it. You can too - however that wobble feels like right now.

Note 1 - I mean absolutely no disrespect to people who do work at supermarkets. I know they’re the core people who kept us alive and going during the pandemic. This is about me not believing I was capable or deserving of anything more than a job that pays the absolute minimum; and my sudden conviction that my 2 decades of work experience and 3 degrees didn’t count anymore, that I wasn’t good for anything.

Note 2 - I’m definitely not advocating this way of parenting or being in the world either. There’s a whole other set of whole other problematic issues with that philosophy and belief-system.