6 Actual Things to Say When Your Uncle Bob Questions Your Life Choices at Thanksgiving Dinner

Thanksgiving is just a day away, and while the prospect of gathering around a table with family this year has a new, special significance, it can still be?a lot.?

Because getting together means catching up, and catching up means?answering questions about our lives.?

The people closest to us may have the best intentions in checking in on our work, but they are far from objective when it comes to the answers.?

Family members cannot be objective when it comes to our life choices, and their perspectives often aren't?helpful or supportive.?

They have too much skin in the game—opinions on what moves we should make, hopes and dreams about what they'd like to see us doing, and fears about keeping us safe from risks. (?This is why working with a coach in an objective, nonjudgmental space can be so transformative!)

Last week on Instagram, I reached out to you about the questions from your friends and family that you're most worried about answering.?

Here's what to say in response to six questions you're dreading being asked at the Thanksgiving dinner:?

1. What does your company do?/What do you actually do?

If you want the conversation to end or stay surface level, oversimplify. My client Maddie would say:?"I'm in marketing."?If you're open to having a deeper conversation, get more specific by offering more detail. Maddie could say:?"I help leaders with a vision to market and grow their businesses in a thoughtful and meaningful manner. I demystify digital marketing, keep projects on track, and help them to have a good time while doing it."

2. Where do you want to be in five years/what's your dream job??

"The way that career paths work in the modern job economy is different from past generations—we're navigating a lot more change that makes it hard to plan ahead and envision exactly where we're headed. The job that I’ll have at the end of my career in all likelihood doesn’t even exist yet. So while past generations followed a well-worn traditional path, the best way I can prepare for that is by thoughtfully growing my skills and my relationships in broader ways."?

3. Why did you quit your job/change your career when your job was so great/you've invested so much in this path?

"One thing that I've learned is that there’s no such thing as the 'best job.'?I've seen too many people climb the ladder to reach what looks like success on paper, but they're actually miserable. There's the traditional version of 'success'—moving up, making more money, an important job title—and then there's what's actually fulfilling and meaningful for me. I’m writing my own definition of success. And I'm taking all the skills and experience that I developed and applying them in new ways."

4. Any job prospects?

"I’m creating my own custom path. That means being thoughtful and engaged in charting my own course—getting really clear on who I am, what I stand for, and what I bring to the table, and finding opportunities that align with that. I’m mission-driven, which means I want more from my work than a paycheck. I don't want to just find?something, I want to find?the right thing?where I can really make an impact."?

5. Why haven't you gotten that promotion/pay raise/new job yet??

"Linear career paths used to be the norm, but times have changed. There are so many interesting ways to develop your career now beyond just climbing the ladder—through developing broader skills, taking on interesting projects, and building relationships. I’m taking an entrepreneurial approach to my career, always looking for opportunities to grow. It's not just about more or moving up to advance, it's about meaning and alignment."

6. How is work?

If you are open to talking, be honest and tell them what it's really like right now. It could be disarming and lead to a rich conversation. Or, if it's not worth it to get into it, ask an open ended question to turn the attention away from you. My favorite:?"What’s shaking in your world these days?"?People love to talk about themselves, and before you know it, they'll be the center of attention instead and you can sip your drink and forget about work for a bit.

One last thing:?work is particularly hard right now, no matter your role, level of power in an organization, or industry.?I see you?asking the questions and actively figuring out how to forge your own path that will work for you. That's deep and worthwhile work, but it's also really big. So go gentle on yourself. No matter what Uncle Bob says at the Thanksgiving table, you are amazing.