6 Actions To Take When Your Life Is Seemingly Falling Apart

Life is 10% of what happens the other 90% is up to you.

There will come a time where you feel like your entire world is coming apart.

Things you once cherished have changed and you don’t know what to do. You might have gotten the news you have Cancer. Or as it may be you filed for bankruptcy and your business is in shambles.

I talk about this concept on my iTunes top charts podcast, Humans 2.0 ALL THE TIME!

Happiness and positivity are easy when everything is going great. That’s good and everything but your mind is a muscle. It needs to be continuously stretched even during the hard times and if you neglect that you will suffer even more as a result.

You wouldn't go to the gym and lift 40 lbs forever, right? Doing that would defeat the entire purpose of going and being in pain.

We have all been there and it sucks. Keep hanging in there because nothing lasts forever, not even pain or misery. I’m writing this article because I know reality isn’t all sunshine and daisies. In fact, reality in it of itself is suffering.

You and I are only born on this earth to die. Welcome to the existential death sentience of our experience.

I recently read an article by Benjamin Foley on "3 Things You Can Do When Things Are Falling Apart” that really got me thinking...

Benjamin states that we can do 3 things when things are falling apart.

1. We can deny that things are falling apart

2. We can accept that things are falling apart and add more energy to the same way of seeing

3. We can ask ourselves, what new is trying to be born within me?

I’m here to share my own personal thoughts and reflections on what to do when your world is upside down. If you have your own input I would love to hear it down below in the comments :)

I respond to every single person who replies to my thoughts, with their own. Before you start tackling life you need to understand how life actually works.

Before you think about taking action, understand these 3 things because it will faciliate the process.

1. Law of Gravity

Huh?

Imagine if construction workers, architects, and engineers are in the middle of creating a building in the city square. Calculations and other measurements are gathered to try and fully and objectively identify what they're dealing with.

We all know you can't build a building that's levitating 3 feet above the ground. They calculate based on what’s real, not what they wish was going on.

Why?

Because it’s a good strategy. Sitting around and complaining doesn’t get anything done but working within constraints is practical and has real value.

When something happens please don’t think that life is against you. It’s only hard and you have to fight back. It’s not a good strategy to argue with the laws of gravity because it won't change your condition.

Focus your energy and attention on things you can control. Forget about the things you can’t control and go 100% in on the elements you can change.

Check out the philosophy of stoicism. It’s huge with controlling your life and building mental toughness. Rely on happiness from within regardless of your circumstances on the outside.

2. Welcome to Reality. The Land of No Guarantees or Expectations.

Hi,

Welcome to Reality! No terms & conditions for you to sign. We actually didn’t even ask you if you wanted to play or not. Anyway, welcome and feel free to not tell us if something is wrong. Thanks!

You didn’t sign a contract to expect something out of this situation. You shouldn't have any expectations because nobody asked you in the first place. The only expectations are the ones you make for yourself and it can be good and bad at times.

You are not entitled to anything. Nobody owes you anything. Don’t get upset over results you can’t control. Want better? Work. Work. Work. It really is that simple. Effort is all you have and all you can give. Don't waste your time thinking about useless things.

3. Your Conscious Reality is a Controlled Hallucination

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." - Shakespeare

Your perception is causing this event to seem bad. The universe is energy in motion. Objectively speaking, nothing is either good or bad. Sometimes it’s good to step outside of your situation and examine things from all perspectives.

Objective Event: Car Accident with minor leg injuries and a brain concussion.

Perspective A: “Oh my god! My car accident is awful and I got hurt. My insurance rates are going to go up. I’m not going to have a car for my job. How am I even going to pay my rent this month with all the fees?”

Perspective B: “I might have been in an accident but thankfully I’m ok now. Wow, I could have just died right then and there. My life is fragile and I really don’t cherish my life that often. Increased insurance rates have led me to dig in a little deeper into my insurance rates and realized I was getting ripped off. My X-Rays at the hospital led me to see a rare nutrient deficiency that hinders the performance of my brain. This negative event might have happened in my life but it lead me to these greater realizations that will greatly impact my life.”

Now that you’ve understood some key fundamentals please read the following list of recommended actions to take.

6 Actions to Take During Hardship

1. Be Mindful and Meditate

Mindfulness meditation is the most impactful activity I do every single day. If you are looking for a sense of direction and solid foundation to build an integral character...this is for you.

Meditation teaches you discipline, increases flow, and allows you to slow your mind down and become aware of your thoughts.

Once you get your mind right, you can get your life right. Most of the times we are so blindsided on an issue that we focus our energy on the initial negative narrative. Step back and revisit the situation and you will often find your problems have changed or shifted position over your mind.

Learning can help expand your perspective which is the layer on reality that is always late to the game and causes problems.

Meditation decreases the stress produced by your body and improves the areas of your brain responsible for empathy and love. I used to think meditation was a hippie gimmick as an excuse to sit around and do nothing. Once I started meditating, I realized I was wrong and this bad perception of meditation has negatively harmed my life.

I recommend you do a little bit of research on your own. Look up different types of meditation and some scientific studies that show the benefits of meditating.

Please don’t say “I can’t meditate because I can’t clear my mind”. Of course, you can’t because you are only human. Mindfulness meditation isn’t about “clearing your head”.

I recommend downloading Headspace on the app store. Give meditation a try and let me know how it works out for you in the comments in a couple weeks!

I am also advocating for mindfulness throughout your daily life. When you are walking do you feel your feet move back and forth to move you across a massive space rock? When you are eating pay attention and smell and taste your food. Don’t watch or listen to anything. Start practicing mindfulness in all your activities.

PAY ATTENTION!

2. Put Your Head Down and Work

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” — Martin Luther King

Last summer I was giving my sister a hand moving to New York from Massachusetts. We woke up early at 5 am and packed everything she needed into the U-Haul truck. On our way we stopped by Dunkin Donuts to get some caffeinated drinks.

I started thinking to myself “Wow I’m about to drive 4 hours to New York and then move heavy stuff.

I stopped myself. Observed myself and the situation that I was in objectively. I told myself “I’m Mark and I’m going to drive for 4 hours. This is it. This is happening.”

I soon realized I was in a Zen state. Driving for hours wasn’t actually bad but I automatically perceived it as something awful and grueling. Right when I paused and realized I was in an automatic trance, my mindset was no longer tired or irritated. I was happy because I was about to go on an awesome adventure!

I learned a lot from this experience. I had great conversations with my sister and improved my driving skills. I also worked out a couple problems in the back of my head in the background.

Moral of the story is, sometimes it’s best to relax, put your head down and do your job. Don’t give yourself the ability to use this event as an excuse for not accomplishing your tasks. You are better than that.

Of course, this is not a blanket statement. Some situations we are completely unable to do normal tasks. I also don’t recommend using this advice as a way to do stuff you don’t want to be doing. If you work a 9-5 and you hate your life and use this for complacency....DON’T use this.

3. Cultivate a Rich Social Network

You act differently around people. Don’t believe me?

What would you do if I told you that your entire identity is based on the perception of a perception you interact with every day. Remove the setting and the character is removed.

That being said, hang out with good friends that treat you right and are a support system for you. Don’t hang out with people to just complain about your horrible life. You can talk about what’s going on with you but make the most of it and focus on how you can embrace change.

We are social beings. It said that emotional pain is actually worse for your body than physical pain. Isolation is one of the worst things you can for someone’s health and psyche.

Go out with friends that you genuinely like to spend time with. Hang out with winners and people who don’t put you down. Be honest with yourself and your friends will be honest back.

If you honestly open up to your parents, family, friends you will be surprised by how much support you receive.

4. Help As Many People As Possible

Your life is dictated by brain chemicals. When you get a hug or feel angry, those are different chemicals being excreted in your brain to make you feel that way.

We all have biological wiring in our brains that assure we function properly for the most part. Here are some ways Altruism and giving back to others can improve your life by Psychology Today.

• Feeling of satisfaction - just because you're being altruistic doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't feel good about it. You're making a difference in someone else's life and that should make you feel good. There is no reason to try to suppress that feeling, think of it as a perk.
• Helps you feel more grateful for what you have - it's not unusual for people to experience a "grass is greener" feeling from time to time. However, because good deeds are often done for those who are going through a difficult time, the experience can serve to remind helpers that their own lives are actually pretty good. Sometimes, actually seeing what is on "the other side of the fence" can make you feel thankful for what you have.
• Distracts you from your own problems - focusing on someone else can actually pull you away from your own self-preoccupation and your own problems. In fact, studies have found that when people with medical conditions (e.g., cancer, chronic pain) "counsel" other patients with those same conditions, the "counselors" often experience less depression, distress, and disability.
• Improves physical health - research has discovered that helping others can not only improve your mental health, it also can improve your physical well-being. Studies have found that volunteers tend to live longer and often have better physical health than non-volunteers. (Of course, there are other variables associated with good-deed-doers that may at least partially account for these findings. More research is being done to try to better understand all of the factors that may play a role.)

This fundamental feel good wiring when we help others is programmed into us because Nature rewards us for working with our tribe to ensure a higher survival rate.

Regardless of what the physiological stipulations are we should be aware of this phenomenon and use it to our advantage.

5. You’re Going to Make it No Matter What

“No matter how bad it is, or how bad it gets I’m going to make it” - Les Brown

Think back to the hardest time of your life. Doesn’t seem so bad when you look back at it, right?

Even in the hardest moments in your life when you think your life is imploding it’s (most often) not true. Think back to an even harder time in your life and build your self-esteem. I conquered that event. It was very hard but I still made it out on top over time.

You are a warrior you just haven’t realized it yet. Repeat to yourself “I’m going to make it no matter what” over and over again. Over time, this will teach you to go above and beyond and conquer your fears and limitations.

6. Write, Write, Write

One of my favorite methods to benefit myself in seemingly hopeless situations is to write. This method takes scenarios in my head and maps them out on paper to prove how not serious this event is and gives me some perspective.

Some Ideas to Journal:

1. Free Flow Consciousness - All of your streamlined thoughts
2. Fears and potential threats
3. The good in the situation
4. Your strengths & weaknesses
5. The intention for each situation
6. What you're grateful for!

A written analysis allows you to look at your issues objectively and from many different perspectives. I do this when I need clarity on something. Drawing this out with a piece of paper helps my mind abstractly extract ideas and connect the dots.

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