58 Lessons I've Learned

On the Occasion of My 58th Birthday

I'm celebrating my 58th birthday this weekend. And I've learned some important lessons along the way--most of which I can still remember! ?Here are 58 things I've learned, in no particular order:

1. If someone hands you a legal contract, prepared by attorneys, you should have your own attorney review it before you sign it.
2. Everything feels better after a good night's sleep.
3. Lipstick is addictive. My lips crack like the Sahara Desert if I stop wearing it for even one day. Meanwhile, chapped lips are not a problem for my husband.?I think some lipstick companies know this and are actively exploiting that fact.
4. It's worth the extra $15 for that shot of 75-year Talisker. ?
5. Mom was wrong: ?I am 58, and I?don't?regret that tattoo.
6. It is worth making an effort to help people. People are amazing, soulful beings who get messed up sometimes. ?If you can help, do it.
7. It's no good cutting out meat, or carbs, or gluten, or sodium or sugar, or caffeine. ?None of those things ever paid off for me.
8. Mom was right: ?I can look back at old photos in which I used to think I was ugly and now wonder how I was ever that fabulous.?
9. I cannot spell "misspell" correctly without looking it up. ?The word makes me nervous.
10. The hundreds of hours I spent in suntanning beds gave me skin cancer. ?
11. Bacon is worth whatever you have to do to eat it.
12. I have felt the hand of a living God in my life. That's all the proof I'll ever get, and all the proof I deserve. ?
13. Autumn is the best season.
14. Christmas is the best holiday.?
15. Microsoft will always come close, then disappoint me. ??
16. That sparkly gold eye shadow makes me look hot, but it irritates my eyes. I should really throw it out. But I like looking hot. The desire to look hot makes me stupid. Whatever.
17. My 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Shannon, was a miracle worker. She convinced me to work hard instead of just getting by. ?
18. The Minnesota Vikings are doomed to never win anything ever again. I really should stop getting sucked in. ?
19. Serenity is overrated. Everything of value I've ever accomplished has been born of angst, fear, anger, loneliness or desperation. ?
20. Love is not all we need. Money also helps.
21. Hubby and I make beautiful babies. They're even better as they get older.
22. I genuinely think people are profoundly good and will try to do the right thing if at all given a chance. Its o.k. to trust people. Especially if they write a song with your name in it. It's been an amazing 26 years of marriage, Jeffrey.
23. Good people can justify doing bad things for the right reasons. This makes it hard to trust them. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
24. Forgiveness is essential. What goes around comes around. Plus, forgiving and being forgiven takes?much?less energy than holding a grudge.
25. Having red fuzzy hair is interesting for a time, but it doesn't attract the right kind of attention. I can't help it--it's my hair.
26. Elbows are weird. ?There is no way to make them look good. ?
27. Lifting weights is the most satisfying of physical endeavors. Instant feedback, a really good burn, growing strength, and enough pain the next day to make you feel like you did something. ?
28. Life?does?give you do overs. ?Don't let your pride get in the way of taking them. If you make a mistake, do everything you can to acknowledge it, swallow your pride, and try again.
29. That whole "sticks and stones" thing is a crock. Coby said stuff to me that still hurts my feelings, 34 years later. But in kindergarten I punched Roxanne and gave her a bloody nose when she said something mean, and now I can't even remember what she said. I just have a feeling of satisfied happiness whenever I think back to that time. ?
30. By the time I got the car I'd always wanted, that ship had sailed, and I found driving it to be stressful. I now drive a fancy but sedate sedan, and I'm happier. Delayed gratification is no gratification at all.
31. I am not mechanically inclined. I am, in fact, mechanically blind. And I now know that this is not my failing. If you make it hard to open or close or adjust, I won't buy your stupid object, I'll buy something designed by Apple instead.
32. Smaller is not cooler. But bigger is not cooler either. ?
33. Get a lawyer. Keep the lawyer on retainer. If you find yourself in a room with a bunch of lawyers, step outside and call yours. Don't just say you'll have your attorney look over the contract before you sign it. Have the attorney that you keep on retainer take a look at that contract before you sign it.
34. The Amazon Kindle Fire is still the best purpose-built device on the planet at this time. It makes reading books easy and?epic.
35. Parents lie. They do this to protect themselves and protect their kids. As a kid, you cannot fathom how this can happen. As a parent, you get it. ?
36. Life may not be fair, but symmetry and balance are important to me. They take an unfair share of my mental real estate.
37. I should have taken better care of my knees. If I had it to do over again, I would not "play through the pain" again.
38. Max Verstappen is a good driver, but his car is even better.
39. I will never be able to make my mom's tuna casserole, her vegetable tempura, or her dumplings. And therefore, eating those things when someone else makes them will never satisfy me. ?
40. It is stupid to waste years of marriage making excuses not to have sex. Have sex with your spouse, even if the conditions aren't right, as often as you can. What do you have to lose? Don't be an idiot.
41. Jobs don't last. Neither do companies. But your reputation does.
42. Stock options are hardly ever worth the parts of your life you trade for them.
43. If you work with people who come from a mindset that denigrates who you are, you can be certain that a bit of that bias affects their private opinion of you. And that will, ultimately, affect your promotions and your pay.
44. You should strive to do something fun at work. Laugh. Be silly. ?
45. Do your best at all times. This saves on years of second-guessing, self-doubt and regret. ?
46. Don't use foul language in front of kids. I mean it. What is wrong with you??Stop that!
47. Tuesday is the best day of the week. It has the most potential for good stuff to sneak up and surprise you. All the other days have way too many expectations.
48. It turns out that Billy Joel concert in the '80's was the best concert of my life. I wish I'd known it at the time!
49. I am a klutz. I am not going to grow out of it.
50. Learn to touch type. Hopefully early in life, but it's worth it at any age. You don't need to learn the 10-key by touch, though.
51. Travel. It fills your mind with differences, challenges, new horizons, joyous meetings. See places where people are not like you. Eat strange foods and drink strange drinks. Develop your own opinion about jet lag. Have a point of view about the regions of the world. Later, you can tell tall tales. Totally worth it.
52. When people who normally act in their own self-interest (and that's 99.99% of us) are being particularly friendly and nice to you at work, you can be certain they are trying to take something of yours, gain an advantage, or help themselves in some way. Assume that your work colleagues and corporate leaders, no matter how you admire them, are acting in their own self-interest.
53. To be simple is to be great. If something is becoming too complicated, it's not going to end well.
54. Males and females are different from one another. Just because you know and love someone of the opposite gender does not mean you know how they are thinking.
55. Use the right names for things. Don't belittle body parts by giving them "cute" names. Also, she's not your "old lady" (unless you've hired an old lady to play a role in a dramatic production, and even then, she's not "yours").
56. Document meaningful, special, and profound moments in your life. Take a photo, write a few notes in your journal, save a memento in a little box with your own handwritten note on it. As your memories fade, these special moments will not.
57. For adult knowledge workers like me, going to the office is unnecessary. Full-time in-office presence is only something that leaders insist on when they can't figure out any other way to lead.
58. Be happy. This is something that does not just happen unless you do it. Just simply be happy.