55/ total freedom - the secret sauce

“what is your life about, anyway? nothing but a struggle to be someone, nothing but a running from your own silence.” — rumi

attachment is the enemy of freedom. it kills from the inside out. this short clip from lord of the rings is a powerful illustration of what attachment does to us:

two years ago, i wrote an instagram?post?about what i call the three stages of freedom: freedom of money, freedom of time and freedom of mind. the first two are obvious: to be able to do what you want when you want with whom you want. i believe every ambitious person aims at achieving those freedoms to some degree.?

but once we get “there”, we still don’t feel the freedom we were hoping for. that’s because what we really yearn for is to feel at peace - for the nagging in our head, unpleasant feelings to stop - aka to be free in the mind.?

“i don't mind what happens.?that is the essence of inner freedom. it is a timeless spiritual truth: release attachment to outcomes, deep inside yourself, you'll feel good no matter what.”?

this was?krishnamurti’s answer to the question of what his secret to life was.?

i feel good, happy, at peace. then things happen that i don’t want or that i don’t like and i am no longer happy. that’s how one could describe the human experience to an alien. so where lies the secret to this freedom of mind? we find the answer in the difference to the other two freedoms money and time: they are freedoms of the material (outside of us) plane vs. freedom of mind is an inner freedom - it is non-physical, it is in the realm of thought. and by that, it is under my full command. it is a muscle i can build.?

and that’s the key. freedom is something i?perceive. i either feel free or i don’t. that feeling is based on expectations because when i “need” x million in my bank account to feel free and i have less than x million i don’t feel free nor at peace. i might even feel fearful and unsafe. but the moment i let go of the attachment or yearning for a specific outcome and situation, i am free. once i release the grasping, the freedom is mine instantaneously. i can feel peace and freedom right now.?

you might think: but i don’t want to let go of money, success, status, being with that person, being powerful, the house in the hamptons, … and you don’t have to. i just have to release my attachment to it, my need for it. it’s a subtle but crucial distinction - the difference between a happy life and one of not being at peace.?

every single one of us could have peace and freedom right now. release what i want and accept what is. boom. i am free. no need to force it. just letting go. and letting go is easier than i think it is. think of holding a highlighter/pen in your hand. i’m holding onto it tightly looking at you and saying to you: “letting go is really hard. i can’t let go.” you’d look at me thinking i am crazy and then say: “just open your hands.” and in a moment, the pen would drop to the floor. that’s how easy it is to let go - i just need to stop holding on.?

that’s the theory. if it were that easy, i would have done it already many times over because that’s what i have been seeking: total freedom of mind - no more friction in my life, just flow. but life continuously challenges us because that’s how the cookie crumbles. so the only way to freedom is to let go and fully accept whatever comes.?

but that doesn’t mean i don’t have aspirations or i enjoy making and having money, in fact, you could make money the centre of your life while being completely open to the outcome. so the magic sauce is to detach from the outcome not from the effort or desire. letting go is not about not caring, not doing and not wanting.?

letting go is simply about accepting whatever is based on the understanding that whatever is is anyway, whether i accept it or not. so there’s no point in resisting or fighting. that’s what creates the suffering in the first place: the non-acceptance of what is - that we all want to move out of.?

eckhart tolle shared that the path to happiness (happiness, freedom, bliss and love are really all the same - the absence of negative feelings) is living with non-attachment, non-judgement and non-resistance. this makes what letting go means more concrete, more tangible.?

non-attachment?means not being attached to anything. because i cannot control the result, situation or outcome anyway, there is no point in wanting to. i show up, i do my work, i might even work hard but i cannot control the outcome hence when i let go of the attachment to a particular outcome, really to any outcome, then i won’t feel any negative emotions because i am open. there is no more friction with whatever the outcome is.?

non-judgment?means not labelling things as good or bad, right or wrong in a way that i experience negative feelings. i.e. if i see someone doing something i don’t approve of i judge that person and it puts me in a negative state and as result, i suffer. discernment is of the essence: it doesn’t mean i don’t have opinions. it just means that i am at peace with this person having a different way of being. this applies to any opinion or way of being: political, societal, values, … (of course, if someone’s behaviour threatens the well-being of others, that is a different matter.)

and when i remove judgement, i enjoy exploring differences in opinions and thereby learn and grow from others - there’s no more fighting or arguing. when i judge others, i also judge myself because i tell myself that things need to be a certain way and i thereby secretly constrain the degree of freedom that i allow for myself, e.g. “one cannot do that”.

non-resistance?is accepting whatever comes and is. whether it is the weather, the current political leadership or someone being moody with me. and again, discernment is crucial: it doesn’t mean i agree or even like it. it just means that i accept that it is and at the same time i might pull all my weight into changing it. i might even go as far as making the purpose of my life to change it but the key is that i accept that whatever is right now is.

i get to work on all of the above right now in what i believe to be the most challenging environment: spending time with my family. as ram das said: “if you think you're enlightened, spend a week with your family.”?

imagine the judgment numerous people have about my writing, especially family, as i am dissecting every part of my life publicly - and i am deeply grateful for them because they show me like no one else what i still need to learn to enter the realm of total freedom. the day their opinions no longer trigger me, i know i have “arrived.”

i wrote in the past: everything is a gift. me being triggered by anybody shows me where i still have to do inner work, to let go and release. and when i do, life gets a little lighter. and next time such a comment or behaviour will affect me less. it will be easier to stay in peace, to feel free. rinse, repeat. over and over and over again.?

you might say that sounds like a lot of work. yes, it is. it’s a lot of work and it’s intense work too. but every time we show up for this work, life gets a little lighter, brighter and more joyful in perpetuity. not a bad return on investment.

the alternative is not to do this work and it means that i will keep getting annoyed, angry, sad, disappointed, misunderstood, … by the very same thing over and over and over again. faced with that choice, there’s only one choice: to welcome the challenges into my life and keep doing my inner work.

family triggers and childhood conditioning are the last things that one surrenders because they sit at the core of who we are, in all of our bodily and mental systems. they define my personality - the negative part of it. and while these aspects of me might not be gone for some time, i am noticing that my recovery time from triggers and negative feelings becomes shorter and shorter.?

some of those i have been holding onto for as long as i can remember. of course, many were not conscious to me until i started this work. but these days i can much more easily and quickly breathe through something and make a full recovery to face the same situation and person within a short amount of time and without holding it against them, without blaming others. as a result, life is becoming ever more effortless, flowing and with a sense of freedom.?

until the day that i achieve total freedom. where anything can happen and i just notice it, accept it, release it and take my next step. this is what krishnamurti talked about and what buddha found under the?bodhi tree.?

i know that this way of being is possible for every single one of us. it might require a lifetime or many lifetimes of work but that’s what the very purpose of life is: to be in love with life no matter what happens. imagine what a beautiful life that would be. and all it takes is to let go of needing it to be my way and accept the way it is.?

“do not do what you want, and then you may do what you like.” ?— sadasiva, indian saint

that is the freedom we are, i believe, all seeking. i have been seeking it for years and now i realise there is nothing to seek. all i have to do is to do the work to embody, to live it every day and then a little bit better tomorrow. one day at a time.?

this is the “secret sauce” to life. there is no secret. the secret is to live freedom of mind every day.?

namaste ???? -?the divine in me honours the divine in you

today, i am flying to egypt to take part in a?research trip?with robert grant exploring the ancient wisdom and secrets of this civilisation. i am told an exciting announcement will be made about a new discovery of what the giza plateau encodes about life, the universe and consciousness. i will be sharing the journey on?instagram.?

you find the whole series of this newsletter here where you can also listen to the episodes.