54 and counting ...

Writing this on the morning of my 54th birthday, enjoy an unexpected pre-summer sun in my terrace in Estoril, taking stock on a bunch of very peculiar feelings I want to share with you guys, in an uneven order of importance, and in my usual no BS sharing mode.

1. Breaking up at 53 hurts the same way than when you are 23, only difference is you know sooner or later you will move on, and you know it because you have been there before, more than once. I am grateful I shared two years with someone living in my neighbourhood, without the need to fly to a date, and experiencing the wonderful feeling of living the day to day, with loads of love (and everything else, if you see what I mean).

I wanted to say this to remind myself (and my kids who one day will binge read all this, hopefully) to be grateful for everything, and in this case to experiment these type of feelings at a stage of life where you tend to have a much more tamed way of perceiving anything emotional, related to relationships. In other words, I'd rather embrace a bleeding heart than living in an anaesthetised "feeling less" state.

Thank you, you know who you are.

2. A friend of mine talked to me about the three phases of life mentioned in the Yiddish perspective, described with three words: schlepper, macher, and mensch.

Article is here, if you are curious https://public.dhe.ibm.com/software/dw/rationaledge/jun01/TheThreePhasesofLifeJune01.pdf

The same person mentioned a book called From Strength to Strength : Finding Success, Happiness and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life (book is here https://www.amazon.co.uk/Strength-Finding-Success-Happiness-Purpose/dp/059319148X?nodl=1&dplnkId=78a1ae43-98c8-4e98-bbe9-fed3ad4de3bf)

What these two elements have in common? Well something about a meaningful transition into the later phase of your professional life, from the apprentice one (the scheppler, someone who “carry” the weights, who does the leg work, who hustles) to the macher (the builder, the entrepreneur, the businessman, the one who creates wealth, where the ego is driving most of the choices) and finally the mensch, where you (should) become the coach of others, where you want your work to impact the life of others, where your ego plays into a less prominent scale, and your strength comes by being, not by doing anymore.

Professor Brooks, in his book, tries to find out how 50% of the over 50 yo humans - says a study on thousands of lives - becomes happier and happier, and the other half indulge more and more in a depressive, regression state making their lives miserable. The side you will belong to - surprise surprise - has NOTHING to do with money or status or wealth, but rather in the way you accept and embrace this new phase of life.

I want to belong to the happy side. Starting by accepting that hustling in the same way than in your thirties is not only tiring and cumbersome, but also much less effective, and even ridiculous sometimes. Granted, giving up corporate life over 10 years ago and never coming back did accelerate some of these feelings in my case and that is why I am urging myself to reflect on this right now.

3. I have a pretty clear idea what my legacy project is going to be. It will involve Talent, Africa, skills development, young lives to upgrade, giving instruments to young entrepreneurs on how to deal with ideas, and build something scalable impacting hundreds of thousands of lives. The success of it is not measured by the scale, the revenue or the profit, but rather by the ripple effect that such a platform will have in being replicated and inspire similar initiatives across the globe. A new company in Africa has been created already, I am fundraising and if you think you can help you are welcome by all means. Get in touch.

4. As many of us at this age, still burning 1000 calories in one hour of hard squash (or two of Beachvolley under the sun). That s how I spent the last day at 53. Being lucky enough to share these thoughts with my parents, acknowledging how the perception of age and possibilities have changed completely in 50 years, and somehow be a soon to be grandfather (technically possible) in potential, and still be taken care as a child when I go home. I know one day will write about loss, and grief, and pain. It takes a lot more to be mindful and grateful and resilient and conscious when life has prepared you a lot less.

Thank you for reading this birthday rant, and by all means share whatever comes to mind. Not that I write to be read, or in search or approval or in any aspirational way, i just hope some of this will trigger something for others to reflect on

Rebelliously (and very personally) yours

Matteo