5 years of my 1st Vipassana

I went for my first vipassana Feb 1st 2020, its been 5 years and this has easily been a a 10x multiplier for me.

I remember coming out of my first vipassana feeling like a 21/22 year old – what I had felt when I graduated out of IIT Kharagpur – a calm mind with 85%+ of the noise that I had just 10 days before vanishing for good. Almost all the negative chatter/ self blame/ anxiety that had occupied a lot of mind space for the better part of 2016 – 2020 suddenly vanishing, all in 10 days. It just felt like I had got a second chance at life.

The story of how I went to the Vipassana is worth a mention, I had turned 35 in 2019, and I had this nagging feeling that life is going to be all downhill from here. We are a very thick group of 8 from school and all of us hit Goa and I mentioned this ‘life is going to be all downhill from here’ and one of the guys basically said I should try a Vipassana out and all of this feeling was really my mind playing games at me. Probably the among the best life advice I have got!

Surprisingly for me, the calm lasted through some very tough times – just 6 weeks out of the Vipassana, Covid hit/ the lock downs and our cashflows as a business were down 80%+; I thought the way we responded to Covid as a business and as a team (through both the waves) is probably the high point for me as the co-founder/CEO of Capillary. I don’t think any of it would have been possible without the Vipassana.

I think a few things that have made the difference for me are:

1.??????? The ability to accept things that are happening and not be in victim mode and then respond to the situation with calm and not react in panic. For example in a pre-Vipassana world – I would have spent a lot of cycles when Covid hit on why should this happen to us, that too after we just turned profitable etc; this time there wasn’t any of that – all the cycles were spent in securing the future of the business and then ensuring people we let go got placed in other companies.

2.??????? Realizing that you are not your thoughts and you can save so much future pain/ guilt/ do what you want to do - by just being in the moment, letting the thought go and not acting on the thought/ the anxiety it is creating. Just letting go has been such a crazy super power. Something that has helped my quit meat, cut my alcohol consumption and other vices by 90%. I now realize the only time I miss is when I am not in the moment or for whatever reason still decide to not ‘let go’.

3.??????? Realizing that ‘this will also pass’ – whether it is a happy moment or a sad moment and hence not building much attachment/ aversion.

4.??????? One big realization has been that I am not responsible for any of the success or failure so better not to take any credit or blame for it. Just let life play its part – be grateful for all the luck and remember ‘this will also pass’ for all the mess!

I know Vipassana hasn’t worked as well for everyone. I think some possible reasons it has worked for me include:

1.??????? Reading/ watching related stuff has helped – Michael Singer, Sri Ramana Maharshi, Buddha, Nochur Venkatraman, Swami Sarvapriyananda, The Mind Illuminated, Mingyur Rinpoche, etc.

2.??????? Daily sits – For atleast 300 days an year I make sure I sit 45mins+ each day; this has made sure the mental noise remains in control.

3.??????? An annual 10 day Vipassana on an average – I feel I more than make up for the 10 days with a clearer more productive mind in the next 10 – 15 days. We have now made it open for all Capillary employees to take a 10 day retreat every year beyond their offical PTOs.

4.??????? People (Sangha as the Buddha calls it): I have had the luck of meeting/ spending time with a lot of great people on this journey over the last 5 years – Jubin Mehta / Saras; Prasanna Krishnamoorthy ; Karthik Tiruvarur ; Anant Choubey ; Sameer Guglani ; Nandini Hirianniah ; Sriram Kalyanaraman . Some trips and time spent at Auroville/ Tiruvannamalai have been an added plus. ?

This Jan I tried a Vipassana in a different model, not the Goenkaji centers but in the TWIM model. That was a very interesting experience as well and has definitely deepened my ability to let go in the moment, will probably write on it after another retreat in this format.

I do think if you are dealing with a lot of noise in your head and want a mental detox, go try out a Vipassana. You can book here. For founders and CXOs who have to take a lot of decisions – and probably live in the anxiety of the outcome of these decisions - please go do one.