5 Ways Your Childhood Baggage is Showing Up at Work

Did you know that adults with unresolved childhood issues are 43% more likely to experience damaging workplace conflicts? And let’s be honest. ALL of us at some point in our adult lives are working through themes from our childhood. Understanding and addressing these early experiences are crucial for fostering healthier workplace experiences.

5 Ways Your Childhood is Showing at Work:

1. Relationship Management

• People-pleasing: Seeking validation and approval from colleagues and superiors, often at the expense of one’s own needs and boundaries.
• Sensitivity to authority: Experiencing anxiety or discomfort in interactions with superiors, which can lead to either excessive deference or defensiveness.
• Poor boundary setting: Struggling to set and maintain personal and professional boundaries with colleagues, leading to burnout or conflict.

2. Control and Trust Issues

• Micro-management: A need to control every aspect of a project or task, often due to a lack of trust in others’ abilities.
• Trust issues: Difficulty delegating tasks or collaborating with others due to fear of being let down or betrayed.
• Needing excessive space or time alone: Requiring more time alone to manage symptoms of anxiety and hyper-vigilance from chaotic or unpredictable childhood environments.

3. Communication and Conflict Management

• Need to be heard first: Feeling compelled to speak first in meetings or discussions to ensure one’s opinions are acknowledged.
• Avoidance of conflict: Steering clear of any potential conflict, which can hinder problem-solving and open communication.
• Constant arguing or fighting: Engaging in frequent disputes due to a lack of healthy conflict resolution skills learned in childhood.

4. Adaptability and Performance

• Inconsistent work performance: Fluctuating levels of motivation and productivity, often linked to underlying emotional and psychological struggles.
• Resistance to change: Over-relying on routines and resisting new processes or changes, which can make adaptation in the workplace challenging.
• Difficulty managing stress: Overreacting to minor stressors and experiencing increased anxiety or burnout due to unresolved childhood trauma.

5. Confidence and Self-Worth

• Fear of rejection: Avoiding opportunities or failing to assert oneself due to a deep-seated fear of rejection.
• Self-doubt in decision-making: Constantly questioning one’s professional decisions and abilities, leading to hesitancy and second-guessing, which can impede productivity and innovation.
• Needing excessive validation: Relying heavily on external approval to feel worthy or competent, impacting independence and decision-making.

The Good News? You Can Always Evolve!

The phrase “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” doesn’t actually apply to people. We have the capability to change at ANY age if we’re willing to try. Here are 3 ways you can get started:

1. Interrupt the pattern: The first step is to become aware that this behavior is happening, and stop it in its tracks. You can achieve this by deep breathing, going for a walk, journaling, or calling a friend.
2. Build your support team: Maybe you don’t feel safe at work, but you’ve got good friends or a partner. Getting objective feedback from someone who can share their honest opinion of the situation is key to thinking about things differently.
3. Build confidence with repetition: We can’t think ourselves into new behaviors. Confidence requires action. Consider a different way to handle your response to a situation, try it out, and repeat that over and over again until it feels more natural for you.

How will you show up for yourself differently this week?

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