5 ways you are sabotaging your own happiness at work

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5 ways you are sabotaging your own happiness at work

By Tracy Brower, PhD

We all want to be happy at work and in our personal lives. But unfortunately, you may be making mistakes that actually undermine your happiness—making you down, depressed, or disheartened in the process.

These negative feelings can be completely rational. In fact, workers are historically unhappy. Many feel like the world is becoming more volatile, polarized, and high-pressure. And many workers say they feel monitored, stressed, and lonely while on the job.?

You may feel like you’re in an uphill battle to find joy and happiness at work. Fortunately, you can increase your happiness at work by reframing the way you think about it and take action to create the conditions that will result in joyful outcomes. Here are five ways you may be undermining your own happiness at work—and how to address each mistake.?

DON’T MAKE HAPPINESS YOUR GOAL?

One of the first things that can get in your way is to seek happiness as your end goal. In fact one study found that when people spent energy and time looking for happiness, they tended to feel more pressure and more time poverty and therefore less joy.

In addition, research published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that the more you focus on happiness for its own sake—seeking it or searching for it—the more dissatisfied you’ll feel.

There are a couple reasons for this. First, if you’re spending time looking for happiness, you’re regularly reminding yourself of what you don’t already have (otherwise, you wouldn’t be looking for it). Instead, research indicates that it is better to focus on gratitude and what you can appreciate today.

Secondly, pursuing happiness tends to lead people to focus on themselves, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Instead, happiness is often linked with a greater focus on others and how you’re giving to people and contributing to your community.

Create the conditions for happiness by focusing on gratitude and all that you can appreciate in terms of your people, your work, your capabilities, and your experiences. Be intentional in reflecting on the elements of your work you like or the colleagues who bring levity to the projects you are on. Give thought to the ways your talents contribute to the team, and seek ways to make a difference for others.

DON’T EXPECT HAPPINESS TO BE CONSTANT, LINEAR, OR STEADY?

You may also be undermining your happiness by expecting to achieve it and then remain in a constant state of bliss. In reality, your feelings of contentment will ebb and flow. You’ll have an amazing week at work, and then you’ll hit an especially tough project or customer issue, and your satisfaction may plummet.

An interesting study published in Journal of Experimental Psychology comparing over 2,300 people across eight countries found that many Western cultures believe happiness should be constant. But happiness isn’t a box you can check, nor is it something you can accomplish and then consider yourself finished.

You can create the conditions for happiness by reassuring yourself that some days will be great, and others not so much. Take a deep breath and then take steps to address the issues that are causing you unhappiness or stress.

DON’T TAKE THE EASY ROUTE??

A paradox of happiness is that often, some of the hardest things are also the most fulfilling. For instance, marriages and partnerships can be hard but also very meaningful. Parenting can be challenging, but also bring so much joy. And sometimes the hardest things at work are the most rewarding, such as getting through a huge project or launching an important new innovation that significantly impacts the market.

In addition, the harder you work for something, the better you’ll feel when you accomplish it. It’s rare to feel a deep sense of fulfillment when you’ve just been handed a reward. In this way, significant effort can contribute to satisfaction.

The concept of intentional “eustress” is also helpful here. If you don’t have enough challenges, you’ll tend to feel demotivated and downtrodden, just as you do with too much stress. But when you have a just-right amount of challenge, you’ll be most positive. It can engage you, give you a sense of purpose, and remind you of how your contribution is uniquely necessary or relevant.??

Of course, you don’t want to toil in every aspect of your work or life, but to create the conditions for happiness, seek challenges and opportunities to learn new things and stretch your capabilities. Volunteer for the new project, identify a thorny problem you can help solve, or invite dissenting opinions on the team which will contribute to a better outcome.

DON’T JUDGE YOURSELF?

Another way you may detracting from your happiness is by judging yourself against others. It is true that “comparison is the thief of joy,” and social media can exacerbate the tendency to judge yourself and find yourself lacking in comparison to all the idyllic posts from others.

You can create the conditions for happiness by avoiding comparisons with others and reminding yourself that happiness is unique for everyone. You may be comparing your worst day to someone else’s best—or you may be comparing your reality to their photoshopped perfection. Take the pressure off yourself and know that there are multiple ways to lead a good life, and yours may be different than others. Doing the best you can is cause for its own celebration.

DON’T WAIT OR PROCRASTINATE

It’s a myth that you must wait for everything to be perfectly aligned before you can be happy. In reality, things are rarely perfect, and you’re likely to always be striving for the next goal or improvement. It is for this reason that you may undermine your happiness if you wait for joy to come to you. Instead, you can create the conditions for happiness by empowering yourself.

No career choice you make will be perfect. Every job has things you’ll like and things you won’t. Every new project will play to some of your strengths and demand skills you may not possess. Even personal choices will include pros and cons—you may love your neighborhood but not the commute; you likely love your partner except for their few bad habits.

Create the conditions for happiness by managing your mindset, setting goals, making plans, and choosing actions that you believe will be best. Do your best to choose roles where you get to do more of what you love and less of what you don’t. However, understand that you’ll rarely find a set of responsibilities that are perfectly aligned with your passions.

Taking all of these steps will strengthen your resilience and reinforce the idea that you have power and agency over how you view things and the choices you make.?

We tend to believe that happiness should always be increasing, but this is also unrealistic. Embrace the ebb and flow of joy, appreciate the terrific moments, and pull through the difficult moments. Remind yourself that it’s natural to be down sometimes, but empower yourself to make choices that most closely align with what you value and prioritize and where you want to go tomorrow.

No situation will be ideal, but you can cultivate gratitude in the small moments and doing so will translate to happiness inside and outside of work.?

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