The 5 ways we can listen and why Leaders need to think about it first in their approach.

30 years of being entrusted with the responsibility for others in a professional environment have taught me many lessons. Some of those lessons would have been far more obvious than others at the onset, all of which would be have been hugely valuable and saved me an awful lot difficulty if I had appreciated their value in year 1 as opposed to year 30. Most of those lessons I would now reflect on and say, that when you appreciate the complexity of human nature and accept that it needs to be embraced not suppressed, then they make common sense in your approach to leadership.?

Of all of those lessons, perhaps the one that I have changed my perception of the most is the power of silence. One of my greatest reflections would be that the less I say, the more influence I have been able to apply. The quality of what I say has for more impact that the quantity and as such to shut up and listen well is where we all must start from.. 30 years ago, if somebody had told me that, I would simply have dismissed it, let alone try to apply it. Yet the reality is, we all like to be listened to, yet if we want that condition to be met we must be prepared to invest time in our ability to listen to others.

When we accept the fundamental reality in leadership that listening is at least as important as speaking in influencing decisions then we reach a defining point in our evolution. For at that point we accept the fact that we should spend much more time understanding how we listen and working hard to improve our skills and approach to it. Unfortunately, too many of us spend far too often at the lower end of the spectrum of listening to release its true potential. We all need to aspire towards the highest levels of listening, if we really want to inspire and be receptive to colleagues needs and input. However, it is not easy thing to do in our fast paced world and requires us to be considered and clear on the value we place in listening. Equally, the difference between excellence and good lies in application to the process of learning new skills, and the ability to listen at the higher end of the spectrum is the greatest skills we can develop.

To start we must make an honest appraisal of how we listen on a daily basis. Check yourself out against these 5 levels of listening and ask yourself where you sit throughout your day.....the impact of getting this right cannot be underestimated.

LEVEL 1 - PASSIVE LISTENING.

We have made our mind up! - etiquette says somebody else has to have a say, but that's it! I have decided what's happening but I will at least pretend to listen. At least then that person feels they have had some air time. A complete waste of time really, but unfortunately far too many of us spend far too much time in this state of engagement. As leaders, we may think we are doing people a favour by operating like this, in reality we are doing them a complete disservice. People can see whether we are interested or not and very quickly decide whether the conversation is worthwhile or not. Furthermore, to pretend to listen does real damage in the engagement process, it means that what is said gets lost and then colleagues move to "why bother" mode very quickly. If you don't have time it is far better to be honest and say that, than stand there and pretend. If time is the pressure then ensure you prioritise listening in time allocation - that will automatically move you up this spectrum.

LEVEL 2 - DISTRACTED LISTENING.

This may be one up on level 1 - but it isn't much! The scourge of the modern age. We have our phone, laptop or tablet in front of us. We are listening to the words - but are disengaged and not in the moment. At best in such a state of engagement we can expect about 5% of what is truly being conveyed to be absorbed. Furthermore, critical senses in higher spectrum listening (Eyes, intuitiveness and heart) are totally disengaged. It is absolutely impossible to pay anybody any meaningful attention whilst we have an electronic device in front of us - so don't do it. The even greater damage such listening does is in the perception of the person doing the talking. it shows disrespect, lack of interest and de-prioritisation of that person. A simple rule is shut it down before listening to anybody, that applies to group engagement or individual 1 to 1 discussions. That one act alone will give you a huge opportunity to listen well.

LEVEL 3 - SELECTIVE LISTENING.

At this stage we are starting to pay attention to what people say - however we are doing so with the intent to replay. Choosing aspects to reinforce our own perspective - not to establish reality or truly understand. In leadership this is one of the most common levels to land on. Why? Because too often we are obsessed with getting our own way and proving we are in control. The impact is that whilst we may get to a solution, it is very often not the right solution and it is a solution entirely defined by our own reality, nobody elses'. We only listen to the bits of what is said that prove to ourselves that we are right, or occasionally we allow ourselves to absorb bits of information that will put others down. To move up from this level of listening we must teach ourselves to enter discussions without preconceived ideas or thoughts, and if we have them they must be learn to put them to one side. Only in that way can we fully absorb what is said and formulate solutions aligned to the real challenges, not just the ones we want to face.

LEVEL 4 - ATTENTIVE LISTENING.

We are listening to what people say and are seeking to understand the issues. We want to understand and explore what a person is saying and we are prepared to invest dedicated time and remove all assumptions before we enter dialogue. We create the space and the climate to listen to people without interruption or distraction. For many, even to get to this state of listening is a major leap forward. Indeed if we could all listen in this fashion our effectiveness as leaders would be transformed. Attentive listening will allow us to formulate much more accurate and intelligent solutions. It also importantly starts the process of heightened engagement with colleagues. When we listen in this fashion people start to feel they are important and what they are saying can and will make a difference. But we are not still utilising all opportunities. So much of the messages people give are not in what comes out of their mouth. To become the best of listeners we must be prepared to go further.

LEVEL 5 - EMPATHIC LISTENING

To aspire to the highest levels we must be prepared to listen with all our senses, Ears, Eyes & Heart. We Listen to what is not said as much as what is said. We Listen to the personality not just the issue. We Are prepared to be influenced by all senses not one. Body Language, eye contact, tone, energy levels, levels of relaxation, hesitancy, levels and moments of silence are all as important as what is said. Ultimately empathic listening requires us to see things from an other persons perspective and actually put ourselves in their shoes. It requires us to start from the basis of someone else's needs are of greater importance than my own and I will serve those needs first and to serve them I must understand them in the purest sense. The conditions for this state of listening to be achieved are demanding. We must prioritise and dedicated time in our busy lives for periods of listening and we must ensure we are mentally decluttered before we enter such periods. That person must be the sole focus of our attention and we must be prepared to absorb much and not form judgements, no matter what our reactions maybe. Humility, sensitivity and an open mind are the absolute bedrocks of the empathic listener.

The great challenge of listening is it requires us to put our own, opinions and judgements to one side and invest the appropriate amount of time in the process. It requires us to stop thinking about the next thing and start thinking about the moment. It is actually the greatest investment of time any of us can make. Although we may not always consider that to be the case. Certainly 30 years ago I would not have said that was the case.

The rewards for such an approach are huge, a sense of belonging and being truly valued translate rapidly into increased moral and engagement from colleagues. People who sense they are listened to and can see what they are conveying acted upon feel they now have the opportunity to shape their own destiny and outcomes and increasingly reach for higher levels of achievement. The power of the human spirit is ignited and the passion for achievement can be released.

At the same time is listening and listening well and we must be really clear on the differentiation. The behaviour is essentially a qualitative, not simply quantitative, 5 minutes listening well, will yield far higher results than 30 minutes listening poorly.

When listening is perceived as a form of kindness, and it is, and leaders accept that kindness is a responsibility, not an option, then the correct amount of time will be invested in developing the appropriate skills to do it well. For listening should be considered like any other skill, the more we practice at it, the better we will get and the better we will engage with colleagues in all aspects.

What approach to do you take in your day to day life that ensure you put listening as the first thing you do every day?

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