5 ways to turn a coffee chat into a real connection

I have turned coffee chats into connections into job offers. I have advised people how to network their way up in the career. I have helped others connect for mutual benefits and I receive many networking requests on a daily basis.

But I’m not a networking nazi. To a certain extent, even the word ‘networking’ makes me cringe. Yet, I chose this click-bait-ish title to convey the intent in terminology that people are already comfortable with.

Soulless networking does not yield the results I am proclaiming. Connections form only when a person is genuine in intentions and interests.

Now that we are clear on that, let’s talk business.

As our world is getting increasingly network driven, meetings have become a crucial part of our professional lives. Want a job? Better to go through a reference. Want a promotion? Better establish a rapport with your boss. Meetings, meetings, meetings. People spend a crore in an international MBA so that they can network and make connections.

A coffee meeting, needless to say, has become the ultimate weapon of networking. But very few of us know how to use it wisely.

In my career mentoring and higher education consultations, I often impress the need for networking upon the applicants — who are fresh engineering graduates as well as working professionals. Especially for Asians, networking has been a tricky topic. Shy by nature and uncertain of ‘what to say’, we indulge in superficial conversations that don’t get us anywhere. Many have had to learn their lessons the hard way.

When Tony Robbins says that ‘proximity is power’, he is referring to the very power of networking. Get yourself close to the people who already are doing what you dream to do. And it all begins with that one meeting.

A meeting represents a golden opportunity but most of the people do not realize how to capitalize on it. Let us look at five ways of turning a networking meeting into a real connection.

1. Do your homework on the person

This is a busy person who has agreed to give you 20 minutes from their schedule. The least they expect is not to waste their time. Nothing sucks more than asking them questions that you could have found the answer to by yourself.

Check their LinkedIn profile carefully before meeting them.

You should already know their employment history. Rather than wasting time on questions like ‘so where were you working before Google?’, ask them ‘How did you switch from an affiliate role at Groupon to product manager at Google?’. Asking specific advice is highly recommended. ‘I am thinking of starting my own online workshop for ____ on __xyz platform___. Since you are running multiple courses on Udemy, would you recommend that I start with it? What has been your experience on Udemy vs Teachable?’

Show them that you have done your homework and your questions are thoughtful.

2. Feel grateful

Remember that this person is doing you a favor and does not owe you anything. There is never a good reason to talk down or disrespectfully to someone you requested to meet in the first place.

It might happen that you do not agree with something they said.

Even in cases you find their behavior not up to your expectation, maintain politeness and be thankful for their time. Dropping a thank you note is a must.

3. Stay Extremely Professional

Networking meetings should be confined to professional matters and do not warrant broaching on any personal topics. Refrain from asking any private questions and if you are considering whether a question is appropriate or not, lean on the safer side and do not ask anything that you are not 100% sure of.

When in doubt, put yourself in the shoes of other person and ask if you would like to answer that to a stranger.

4. Prove your worth

A relationship is eventually a two way street and will flourish only if it is meaningful to both the parties. Always ask yourself — what is the value I can add? If you are a junior, it does not mean you have nothing to offer.

I often sent out invites for interesting events to the entrepreneurs I was connecting with when I was pursuing my MBA at NYU Stern. I invited them as speakers to the conferences I helped to organize. I would tell them about any B School resource that could be helpful to them. Few of them told me later they appreciated it!

If you think creatively, there is a lot of value you can add to someone even if they are more well-to-do or accomplished than yourself.

At the end, if you are consistently ‘taking’ from a relationship without giving anything back, the other person will eventually lose interest. As expected, this axiom is not true only for romantic relationships. Even professional connections need to be mutually beneficial. I would go even beyond that — give more than you take. Always.

5. Stay Patient and Pleasant

Do not expect a busy professional to reply to all your messages. Rather than taking it personally, understand what is important to be shared and what isn’t.1. if you need a reply, your question should be sort, specific and easy to answer. 2. if you are sharing an update, do not expect a reply.

I kept the people I was interested in working with posted about my updates without expecting any replies and maintained a cheerful demeanor whenever we connected. People remember your disposition.

It was the result of such efforts that I had landed a full-time job offer at the end of my first year itself in B School when there were many who did not get it even upon graduation.

Networking is a delicate dance and takes some time to come to a rhythm where both parties feel engaged. It is a sort of professional dating and should be treated with care and respect.

Don’t

Let us end with a definite ‘Don’t’. You know what you should never do in networking?

Never ask for favors in first meeting! I hate it when a stranger tries to connect because he needs something from me. Asking for information or opinion might be fine but asking for a job referral right away is not.

I advise young professionals and students on www.scholarstrategy.com