5 ways to support a loved one going through a tough time

It can be hard to know exactly how to help someone experiencing mental ill-health and what to say to a loved one who’s going through a tough time, which is why we are here to show you the ropes.?

1. Learn about what your loved one is experiencing.?

It’s challenging to provide the right support if you aren’t sure what your loved one is going through and how they are really feeling. Sometimes, it can also be hard to know when to intervene and what the difference is between the regular ups and downs in life and mental ill-health that requires support.

Providing support requires you to know the facts, symptoms, causes, diagnostic criteria and available treatments as relying on the person experiencing mental ill-health to explain this can become exhausting. Educating yourself about mental health conditions is the foundation to providing the best support possible.

It’s important to remember that each person is unique and therefore, they will require a slightly different approach. Don’t shy away from asking the person you’re trying to support about what their specific needs are.?

The best way to begin is to prompt your loved one by asking them questions like “it seems like things have been hard for you lately, what’s on your mind?” or “what can I do to help, you don’t seem yourself at the moment.” Be gentle and calm in your approach and ask questions that are open-ended to encourage the conversation to flow.?

2. Be open and welcoming, listen and provide judgement-free support.?

Knowing when and how to engage with someone who may be struggling with their mental health is challenging. Talking about mental illness isn’t easy, particularly for people with a mental health condition who live and breathe it every day. It’s important to approach conversations in a kind, open and welcoming manner without casting any judgement. Your tone and body language are extremely important.?

Letting your own walls down can be helpful in gently facilitating a conversation with the person you are concerned about. You might even consider sharing your own vulnerability or experience with mental illness. Whether this is direct or indirect, talking about it openly can be very powerful, putting you and the other person on more equal footing and showing that you are empathic and understanding.

Picking your timing is incredibly important. Watch closely for an opening in the conversation or an opportunity to gently approach the topic. Before talking to someone, try to familiarise yourself with what their sensitivities and triggers might be so that you can proceed with caution.?

Most importantly, be sure to listen. If someone is in distress, communication may be challenging. Taking the time to listen and being patient with them can ease the pressure and help the person struggling to express their feelings. Practice active listening, including being attentive to non-verbal communication. Practice listening to understand, not react, and ask questions to clarify if you need to.

3. Take their responses seriously

It’s essential that you validate their feelings and take them very seriously. Even if it seems like they might be overreacting, whatever they are feeling and experiencing is having a big impact on their mental health and that is a cause for concern. The Liptember Foundation 2022 Women’s Health Research found that 13% of women avoid seeking help due to embarrassment and shame. That’s why it’s so important not to add to the stigma during these interactions. You may not mean to deliberately contribute to the stigma, but this can happen unintentionally and cause significant hurt. Carefully reflect on and correct your own deeply engrained assumptions or preconceptions you may have about mental health conditions and the people who deal with them.?

Remember that it’s impossible for them to just tough it up, “snap out of it” or simply “get over it.” If you can acknowledge their pain and express that you understand why they are feeling this way, it can make a significant difference. Telling someone that their emotional state isn’t valid because ‘they are so loved’, or that they ‘have a great life’ isn’t going to pull them out of their mental illness either.?

People going through a tough time need to feel heard and will want to have their emotions and experiences validated in order to feel less alone. Dr Macchia shared, “Validation communicates to another person that their emotions make sense given the context they are in”. Furthermore, Dr Macchia elaborates, “even if you have never been in that particular situation or felt an emotion quite as strongly, validating your friend shows that this is not an ‘overreaction’ or an ‘underreaction.’ It is how they feel and that is perfectly acceptable.”

4. Help them find support

It can be really challenging for a person experiencing mental ill-health to both admit that they need to, and subsequently go and seek mental health support on their own. The Liptember Foundation 2022 Women’s Mental Health research found that 6% of women don’t know where to seek help or what help is out there, and can’t find easy access to resources or support services. They might not be aware of what professional support options are available, or they may be feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start. Even if they know that therapy could help, it can be too daunting to make an appointment.?

You can offer your encouragement and support by suggesting that your loved one speaks to a mental health professional or adult they trust, and you could even offer to go with them if they would prefer. A GP can organise a mental health care plan for them if needed for a referral to a psychologist or other professional. They’ll also get Medicare-subsidised sessions which helps remove the financial barriers associated with seeking support.

Once they do start therapy, celebrate their successes and make them feel great about the positive steps they are taking to improve their mental health and quality of life. Make sure that you continue to check in with them to ensure that they are committed to attending their appointments. It helps to hold them accountable.?

In the event that they aren’t ready to seek help, you can still provide support by showing them that you have their back and will be there for them at a later date if they want to reach out again.?

Lastly, it’s important to remember that support comes in all shapes and sizes. When someone is experiencing mental ill-health, day-to-day tasks can feel overwhelming and sometimes impossible. Basic chores like doing the washing, grocery shopping, cooking and paying bills can pile up and add to a person's mental load. Offering to help with these tasks is a great way to reduce some of the pressure facing your loved one and free up some time for them to get some support, practice self-care and put themselves first. If you aren’t sure how to help the person you are supporting, ask them and let them tell you.

5. Look after yourself!?

Perhaps most importantly, it is essential that you look after yourself too. It can be really confronting to see someone you care about experiencing mental ill-health and part of caring for someone else is caring for yourself too. Sometimes you need to take a step back and prioritise your own needs and mental health too and that’s perfectly okay. Looking after yourself will help you stay well and provide better care.?

When you are caring for someone living with a mental illness, it can seem instinctive to drop everything to support them, but as positive as this is, it can take a toll on your own mental health without being conscious of it. It is imperative that you set boundaries and make sure you communicate these. Remember that it’s not your job to be there 24/7 and you may not be as equipped as a mental health professional to deal with some of the challenges your loved one is facing. You are never solely responsible for another person’s mental health. There are trained professionals who can provide support to people experiencing mental health challenges. Sometimes, stepping back and allowing these professionals to step in is the right thing to do for both yourself and the person in need of support.

If necessary, you can ask your own relatives or friends for some support and take steps to prevent becoming burned out and emotionally exhausted. Find time for hobbies, physical activity and the things that fill up your cup. Caring for someone with a mental illness is challenging and it’s okay to feel a range of emotions.

An important exception - what to do in an emergency??

If the person you are supporting is severely depressed, prepare yourself for the possibility that at some point they may feel suicidal. If your loved one's illness is severe or potentially life-threatening, contact a doctor, a hospital or emergency medical services. Take all signs of suicidal behaviour seriously and act immediately.

You can lean on the mental health crisis help available for support in these instances.?