5 Ways to Get Unstuck

Something I experience in my coaching sessions every day is seeing people who talk about feeling “stuck”.

Stuck in a job they don’t like.

Stuck after graduating from college, working their dream job, not knowing what’s next.

Stuck not knowing what to do now that the kids have left home.

Stuck in a relationship that is no longer serving them.

Stuck in not knowing what to do regarding that big decision looming over them.

More often than not, when clients come to my sessions, they want “tips, tools, or tricks” to help them get unstuck.

In other words, they want information.

Getting Unstuck

The thing is, there’s a sh*t-ton of information out there. Any answers we desire are at our fingertips thanks to the interwebs.

So why are we always so stuck?!

Information doesn’t help one get unstuck. It can be a starting point, but information alone will not get one unstuck.

Doing the [sometimes hard] inner work is what gets you unstuck.

Understanding yourself, your beliefs, your emotions, your body, how you think and act the way you do - and why you are doing any of it - including being stuck - is imperative to getting UNstuck.

And this is what coaching is all about. To help you better understand yourself so you can make different choices moving forward.

I’m going to share with you 5 ways to get unstuck. I discuss these things with my clients in the first or second session to help them better understand themselves and how they move through this world.

Yeah, they might be called “tips and tricks and tools”, and you can absolutely self-coach yourself using them. It is sometimes easier with a facilitator (e.g. a coach, therapist, or spiritual advisor), but if you are willing to go deep on your own and be honest with yourself, I invite you to play around with these techniques.

1) Get in touch with your body.

Stop for a moment and check in with your body. Where are you holding tension right now?? Your jaw? Neck? Stomach?

Or there might be pain somewhere, like a headache, backache, eyestrain, etc.

I invite you to notice this pain or tension. Breathe into it.

Getting in touch with your body is a brilliant way of not only teaching yourself how to relax but also helping you to be present.

And becoming present creates S P A C E. Within that space, there is an opportunity to see what is needed.

So: what is that physical symptom telling you that you need? Don’t overthink this!

SOMEthing usually comes up, like:

• I need to rest
• I need to let go of [XYZ]
• I need to get outside
• I need to exercise
• I need a good cry (this often happens in real-time during my coaching sessions!)

Once that need is met, some things might clear up. You might not get completely unstuck, but there is usually a shift that takes place or a relaxing that happens.

One thing to note:

Getting in touch with the physical body might be really hard for some people.

I invite you to be super gentle and practice this technique with “nonjudgemental curiosity” with your body.

2) Trust your gut.

Here's a great quote on trusting your gut from Melody Wildling (a professor of human behavior at Hunter College) that sums up why this is so important:

“Trusting your gut is trusting the collection of all your subconscious experiences. Your gut is this collection of heuristic shortcuts. It’s this unconscious-conscious learned experience center that you can draw on from your years of being alive."

Considering that 95+ percent of our actions and behaviors are influenced by the subconscious mind, I'd say this is pretty important!

Ms. Wilding?goes on to say:

“[the gut] holds insights that aren’t immediately available to your conscious mind right now, but they’re all things that you’ve learned and felt. In the moment, we might not be readily able to access specific information, but our gut has it at the ready.”

In our world of information overload and also generally being a head-centered culture (by culture I mean in a very general sense), we sometimes lose sight of that trust.

So how to get back to trusting our guts as a means to helping us make decisions?

You have to create space to hear what your gut is saying.? There I go talking about “creating space” again!

OK, next question: How to create this space?

Above, I spoke about getting in touch with the physical body.? Some other ideas:??go for a walk, meditate, take a nap... anything to step away from?thinking?about things.

I'm a big fan of naps and "shutting down".? And whenever you wake up, there is always space between sleeping and being fully awake.??It’s a lovely place to be, somewhere that we luxuriously enjoy before we remember our problems, issues, and struggles.

Here's a way to take advantage of that space:

Upon waking, I invite you to hit the snooze but stay awake, eyes closed. Better even to wake naturally.

When you start thinking about that issue that has you stuck (and our minds always get in there first thing in the morning), gently put the spinning on the mental hamster wheel aside - and check in with your gut.

Acknowledge?any reactions here.??Initial sensations, feelings, emotions. Whatever comes up.

These sensations might be fleeting before the mental chatter starts up again, but see how long you can hold on to that sensation to help uncover what you truly want and need.??Not what your head is telling you, or what your friends/family are telling you.

This, like getting in touch with the body, can be hard at first.??But this skill can be cultivated over time, and can really help when you're feeling stuck.

3) Checking your motivation can help you get unstuck.

Something that coaches are trained to do is to look for their client's motivation:? Is it internal or external?

External motivation might look like:

• choosing?something because our parents or partners want us to (we want to please them)
• doing something because everyone else is doing it (think fads and trends)
• making a decision based on our environment (your apartment/house, the weather/climate)
• choosing something because of the cultural/political landscape (peer pressure, anyone?)

Internal motivation might look like:

• choosing something because we want to
• doing something that goes against the norm
• making a decision based on what is in your gut (see my?last post?on this) or your heart (stay tuned for more on this)
• choosing something regardless of the cultural/political landscape.

Here's the key thing to remember:

Internal motivation will?always?be stronger than external motivation when it comes to getting unstuck because it is empowering.

What's your motivation?

4) What does your heart desire?

The heart holds our deepest emotions and desires.??The heart does not lie, we cannot control it the way we can our thoughts and beliefs.

There is a gentleman (and he is SO gentle!) on social media who goes by the moniker “A soul called Joel”.

One of his reels?came across my feed and stopped me in my tracks.??He looked straight into the camera (and MY SOUL lol) and asked:

“How is your heart?”

When I heard that a rush of tears flooded my sight.

What a beautiful question.

We often overlook the heart when we are feeling stuck.? Checking in with MY heart allowed me to make a big decision.??I knew immediately what I had to do, even though I knew that moving forward would be difficult.

This “soul called Joel” goes on to offer a beautiful mantra in that reel.??You can watch it here.

I invite you to put your hand over your heart like he is doing - and take a moment.

Let me know how YOUR heart feels after watching it...?and "may the hard places become soft, so that they may dissolve and transform into a flourishing garden".

And lastly, when it comes to getting unstuck, consider:

5) What is your WHY?

In other words, why are you doing what you do - or what you want to do?

Finding your “why” involves two things:

1. figuring out what’s important (values)
2. figuring out the feeling you want to have when “all is right with the world” (e.g. when you aren’t stuck, sometimes called your "desired state").

Relaxing into values and?your desired state sometimes opens up possibilities.?

For example, I had a client who chose to leave their comfy job in the corporate world.?They had six months of severance pay and were taking this time to explore what was next, but nothing was clear.

We talked through values.?What came forward was how important nature and sustainability were to them.?

The feelings came forward on their own.?The energy was palpable as this client spoke of the possibilities.?They lit up, smiled, and started talking a little faster.

This electric, excited feeling spurred the client toward uncharted territory towards something of great value to them.

Terrifying, yes.?But exciting!?

I call this "excitifying"! ???

Did the client know?how?they were going to get there?

No.

But they had a direction, and the energy to move in that direction.? And in subsequent coaching sessions, we figured out that "how" together.? Action steps and a plan came?together easily now that her "why" was clear.

What is?your?"why"?

I hope these tips have been helpful for you, is there anything you would add to this list? Let me know what you think!