5 Ways To Get Rid Of The Program That's Killing Your Interview Confidence

How are you bullying yourself?

What limiting beliefs and self-talk are you saying to yourself?

What toxic, unkind thoughts are you repeatedly thinking?

I have been there many times.

We set high standards of ourselves, and when we don't reach those standards, we unleash the beast on our self-confidence.

 For me, it was self-talk like:

• I am not good enough for this role.
• I am not confident about doing the role, even if I get it.
• I don't have ALL the skills they want, so why bother going to the interview?
• I can't step up. I haven't managed people before! I'll fail.
• I am scared – of everything!

Do you know what I am talking about? The mean self is standing on your left shoulder, whispering everything in your ear.

In the meantime, the information is transported from your ear canal, pulsating through your brain to program it.

Over the years, you can imagine what this brain program does. It starts to control you. Not just before an interview, but certain other times. Times like before a presentation, a meeting, going for a promotion or talking to your boss about a raise.

Let's focus on interviews for a moment.

What are the other insecurities that I see when it comes to interviews?

Coaching this week, I had two coachees saying they lack confidence because English is not their first language.

If I got a dollar for every coachee that said that, I would be wealthy by now. This is just one example of what we programmed in our heads, often projected in an interview.

I understand. English is not my first language either, but that's an excuse and a way to justify why they didn't get a job offer and stop them from gaining better command of the language or improving communication. 

This mental barrier then impacts the coachees in their thoughts, the interview delivery, and how they present themselves. Everything is connected.

Other interview confidence killers I get from my coachees include:

1. The last interviewer said I didn't have enough experience.
2. I didn't answer one specific question, and they picked that up.
3. My answers were all over the place. I couldn't communicate.
4. I didn't ask the right questions, and you could tell they were bored.
5. I didn't sell myself. I was so shy.

You can see what happens when you have all this toxic self-talk in your program, running 24 hours, seven days a week, and how it can impact your interview performance.

Especially, focusing on what we can't change will further erode your confidence, not to mention this focus will keep feeding the program - helping it continue.  

How can I get rid of the program killing my interview confidence?

Here are the tools I have used to help me "Reset" and slowly kill that program that's killed my interview confidence. These tools helped me move forward and land the jobs I wanted.

Before I go into the tools, the first thing is to be aware of when your program takes over your thoughts.

When I do mock interviews, my coachees often start to build up the nerves, with the program coming out in full force. So when this happens, I call them out on this and remind them of the three tools.

The moment you have signs of the program taking over, then apply these three techniques: 

1.   Keep on keeping on

Action will propel you forward. So, examine the program, one code at a time and see what fine-tuning you can do to your interview performance. Whether it's adding another answer, you didn't prepare for, practising in front of the mirror or recording yourself. Whatever it is, reflect on your performance and identify the areas you can keep improving on. 

2. Kill that program bit by bit

Think of two positive ones to kill the program for each negative thought. If you think you don't have enough experience, tell yourself what experiences you have. If you feel you can't communicate well, repeatedly practice with an experienced coach or interviewer.

If you feel you don't have the skills while job searching, what can you do to close the gaps in your current role? Create a plan.

Whatever it is, only you can control your thoughts and reaction to situations. No one MAKES you forget your answers or feel crap about yourself. You do that. 

3. When the preparation is giving diminishing return, STOP

You can over-prepare! The brain can only take so much, especially the night before the preparation. Like an exam, cramming is ineffective (no matter how much people rate it and go, they are a crammer). I'll tell you why. The more you try and REMEMBER information, the more you will forget and muddle your mind. The key is NOT to remember the answer. Memorising answers or going over the same information will only stress when you keep forgetting the information.

Some of my coachees try and memorise. Then when they can't regurgitate the answer, they go back to the program. The program LOVES this as it sees this "failure" as the chance to stab you in the back. The program then repeats, and you will go back into the loop.

So, when you feel that you are prepared enough (and no, not memorising your answers), spend the energy to rest your brain, get an early night, and do some more the next day.

It's the night before, then definitely get a restful night as you will feel so much more energised.

What programs are you running?

Ask yourself, what programs or negative thoughts are you running in your head? Observe and start killing off these programs that are killing your interview confidence.

What limiting beliefs and self-talk are you saying to yourself?

Remember, you may not be able to control the interviewer's questions or whether they like you at first sight, but you can control the toxic programs running in your head. It may take you a few times, but it's worth trying.

These limiting thoughts could be the opinion of one person or two people. Don't get one or two people to define your future. Use your criticisms and turn them into fuel for making progress. More importantly, allow your inner critic to be valuable and productive. 

You can do it. All it takes is a decision to make a change. I know that because I was sitting where you are.

What advice would I give my younger self…

Don't let toxic self-talk and limiting thoughts ruin my self-confidence.

Don't let labels define me, and apply a laser focus on learning and progress.

What you tell yourself, your brain will believe. That's how powerful negative self-talk is.

I missed out on so many opportunities due to running programs.

It's never too late to identify this program, and now I can stop it. I learned from my mistakes.

Remember that personal growth is not about winning all the time, getting all the job offers, but the progress made from trying and making mistakes.

Yours Sincerely

Alice

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P.P.S Need a confidence booster before an interview? I can help! I do mock interview sessions to help you fine-tune your answers, and delivery and help with your mindset. Reach out if you haven't been successful in securing a job offer. I might be able to help.