5 Ways to Find Our Way in the New Year

I want to acknowledge all of the people in my network who have posted publicly or privately told me about their job search struggles or on-the-job angst dealing with less than desirable situations, many out of their control, all as life continues to “life” elsewhere.

While there are reasons to remain encouraged … sometimes, things can just feel really, really $h*tty, unfair, or difficult. If you are in that space, I hope that you feel seen.

We all know logically that circumstances eventually change (and hopefully for the better); but spending some time acknowledging and processing those negative feelings and frustrations can be time well spent. In fact, glossing over them without finding a way to hold space for them could eventually become more of a hindrance in moving forward. At the end of those feelings can be the genesis of very productive reasoning and future action, clearing the way for new, more positive energy to enter.

The steps below continue to serve me well, and I offer them for you to consider if you’re feeling stuck.

1.????? Spend some time in quiet spaces

Paid work takes up a lot of our time and for practical, very real reasons is important (i.e., putting a roof over our own or others’ heads). Stress levels can depend greatly on the team or organization that you work for, the clients that you have, and/or the level of healthy functioning of any of those things. You can easily get lost in the shuffle of what everyone else needs or wants from you.

Take a break. Go for a long walk. Block your calendar and take yourself to an impromptu lunch off the beaten path. Think of your favorite place to be (that isn’t work or home) where you feel settled, and go there on your own. Drive to a different part of town to take in the sights or have a cup of coffee or tea. Visit a museum during an off-peak time. You get the idea.

Sometimes those places of stillness have been most useful for me to focus on what I know to be true about myself and for me to be real with myself about a situation in the absence of others’ perceived judgment (and sometimes my own self-judgment).

2.????? Let it out

At some point, when you’re done dealing with the critical must-be-done-nows or holding your chin up and not-letting-this-hold-me back, I think that you might find there are some emotions bubbling up that also deserve acknowledgement.

You might feel grief, and want to mourn a situation not coming to fruition or ending up the way you thought it would. You might feel anger because something unfair went down. You might feel sadness because you genuinely miss some aspect of what used to be or could have been. You might feel scared not knowing what is next OR knowing full well what is next. You might feel confused as to how you can navigate the current situation you are in in order to get to a positive outcome. You could be disappointed in others or in yourself for handling the situation a certain way. Or, you could also feel guilty for being relieved that you are done with an untenable or stressful situation. And so on, and so forth.

It's okay to feel bad emotions; they are a part of being human. In the midst of dealing with the practicalities of life, sometimes we don’t think that we have the permission or luxury to have or process these bad feelings. To be clear, you may not feel any of these negative feelings – and that’s okay if that is your honest reaction. But if you do have some of them, get them out! Talk to a friend. Talk to a therapist. Talk to your spiritual or religious advisor. Talk to your dog. Pray. Journal. Take a kickboxing class. Whatever helps you to get things out, try a few.

3.????? Choose what’s next

Getting your feelings out may be a process over time; but once you’ve got that underway, sooner or later you’ll have to determine what is next. And here’s the linchpin – you have complete control over how you move forward from where you are right now.

That could mean moving on to a new role or a new firm or firing a client. Or, it could mean staying right where you are, doing a cost-benefit analysis, and getting clear on what things might realistically change for the better about you or your situation, and which ones may not. ?It could also mean you recognize that you can approach a person or a task in a better way that will yield more positive results. There may be a finite list, but there is a list.

Sometimes, writing all the things down and seeing them visually – in the form of pros/cons lists, diagrams, drawings, Excel spreadsheets, charts, doodles – allows you to make the situation tangible and for you the see all the pieces to the puzzle as you consider potential options. Also, even if you think you are a whiz and can do everything in your head (like I sometimes do), you might be surprised the connections you’ll make and the details you can notice and when you see them represented in hard copy.

Finally, I know that having complete control over how you move forward does not mean you may not have to consider a spouse, a partner, children, parents, volunteer work, or other people or endeavors you prioritize in your world. It just means that you have a sense of agency within the scenario. And that is a very big deal.?

4.????? Don’t go it alone

Now that you’ve mapped out a few scenarios or have some ideas or a few directions – phone a friend! Make a list of 3-5 people with whom you can be vulnerable, share your ideas, and get real, thoughtful feedback. Be up front about your request to give that person the opportunity to decline if they may not be in a space or have the time right now to help.

Don’t be afraid to be creative. The list can be? varied and include a trusted confidante of several years as well as a newer connection from one of your professional groups with whom you’ve developed good rapport. If you are able to invest the money and/or time, doing some discovery calls with a career counselor or coach might not hurt. ?Also, be careful not to create an echo chamber:? you’ll want individuals that can find ways to communicate hard truths to you, and you’ll want to also put yourself in a mindset of being receptive to hearing things you might not be expecting.

Finally, it is okay to have an extra person on the list whose sole purpose is moral support; ?sometimes we get into spaces where we do just need someone to listen without suggesting a way to “fix it.” Be up front with that person about where you currently are and what you are needing to ensure they’ll be in a position to assist.

5.????? Work your plan

Depending on your situation, you may feel pressured to make decisions quickly. A good reason not to “go it alone” is to be able to get perspective and to make sure that you distinguish between stress that you may be putting on yourself to act fast vs. time-sensitive decisions that need to be made for practical, financial, or legal reasons.

Of course, the sooner you can take a different approach, resolve a situation, transition to a new role, or address matters with that client, the better. Procrastination is mostly not a friend; but don’t hesitate to take a measured approach to the extent that you have real time and capacity to do so. Surround yourself with a supportive team of people who can cheer you on as you take the necessary steps to make “what’s next” your reality.

6.????? Wash, Rinse, Repeat

Occasionally, we have to go back and start something over. I have had to go back to steps 1-5 (or to them individually) at various stages to address various shifts in my path. However, as they say, it is never the same when you start over, because you are starting over with some (more) experience.

We go through seasons where we feel that we are standing on solid ground and slaying every proverbial dragon that crosses our path; and then there are others where it is all we can do to stop from getting seasick as our boat almost capsizes in the storm.

I am currently somewhere in the middle of those two extremes, and can imagine some of you are too. As this year unfolds, I wish us all continued belief in our skills and capacities to learn and grow, and the agency to create the work life that works the best for us.