5 Ways That Dramatic Change Can Boost Your Happiness, Confidence and Success

Part of Kathy Caprino's series "The Most Powerful You"

Often, when I’m working with my clients or course members, the concepts we explore together take on a brand new meaning from the lens of what I'm personally going through in my own life. Such was the case during the summer of 2017, when I underwent a massive change in my life, including selling our house of 16 years where we raised our children, moving (in the span of only one month) from a country-like small suburban town in Connecticut to a bustling, diverse city with 122,000+ residents, dealing with huge relationship shifts, letting go of so much from the past, and much more. Those changes rippled through every part of my life and impacted literally everything about my identity, my activities, and my experience of myself and my work.

Now, in this deeply challenging time of the pandemic, millions of people are experiencing a period of enormous change where the very soil beneath their feet feels as if it's shifting and sliding. We've lost so much in terms of what we considered "normal" and expected and even "acceptable," and for hundreds of thousands more, they've lost their precious loved ones to Covid-19 in ways that were unimaginable just months ago.

My huge life change in 2017 was a voluntary, conscious move and plan for me – and that's quite different from change that is foisted on us – yet it’s still rocked my world in ways I couldn’t have imagined. When we go through something this big (like a move, a change in relationship status, a serious illness for ourselves or loved ones, a loss, a firing) – whether it’s a voluntary choice or a move that’s has been foisted on us – we shift and morph.

In times like these, there's one very helpful question to ask ourselves:

"Am I growing stronger, more resilient and more of who I really am deep down through this change, or am I breaking and bloodying myself against this?"

I’ve found that if we’re extremely mindful and conscious about how we’re thinking, feeling, and addressing the challenges and changes we're facing, our lives can improve dramatically because of it. Even those changes that we considered devastating and horribly negative can have a "silver lining" of sorts, and yield true blessings and amazing opportunities and developments that were simply not possible had the change not occurred. Often those blessings become apparent weeks or months after the big change occurred, but they emerge nonetheless.

Below are 5 ways that life-altering change can boost our power, happiness, self-mastery and reward in our lives if we approach it with life-affirming mindsets and actions:

#1: You are able to see your own brilliance and the strength of your capabilities in a radically new light

When we stay unhappily stuck in one place for many years, we forget what we’re capable of – how strong, resilient, creative and resourceful we can be. We can go underground and suppress who we really are, or stay stuck and drowning in someone else's definition of "success," as so many of my clients and course members have been.

We become highly influenced by the people around us, including their beliefs, actions, values and mindsets.

For instance, have you ever found yourself living or working for years among people you simply don’t align with at all, or respect and even like?

That experience – of being isolated and alone in your environment – can be crushing, yet millions are living it every day, whether in relationships that fail to work, or careers that fall very short of what they want to do and be in the world.

When you take brave, bold action to leave behind a culture or environment that doesn’t fit and that hurts you, you’re finally free to soar and become who you want to be, consciously and with deliberate intention.

#2: You overcome challenges you believed you never could

Towards the end of my corporate life, I was green with envy of consultants I knew who ran fabulous, lucrative practices and businesses of their own. I fantasized frequently about having my own business and being free of the misery I experienced in my corporate roles an cultures.

But deep down, I just didn’t feel smart, strong, or capable enough to make the leap to entrepreneurship. As I discuss in my new book The Most Powerful You, when the tragedies of 9/11 occurred and I was laid off in a way that was shattering to me and my self-esteem. I was lost and broken down, but thanks to the help of a fabulous therapist, I seized that moment and finally decided to transform everything.

He said these words to me that I'll never forget:

"I know from where you sit this is the worst crisis you've ever faced, but from where I sit, it's the first moment you can choose who you want to be in the world. Now...who do you want to be?"

Thanks to that one very powerful, life-affirming reframe, I said, "I want to help people, and not hurt people and be hurt!" And I also said to myself, "I've had ENOUGH of this unfulfilling, unhappy career that isn’t me, and of tolerating behavior towards me that's intolerable. I’m going to create something that IS me that I’ll be proud and happy to engage with.” And I did it.

I stayed stuck and sick for many years in my corporate life because I never believed I was capable enough to thrive in my own venture. Now I know how wrong I was.

Change can help us see that we are stronger and more competent and capable than we believed. And it’s a thrilling revelation. (By the way, if you’re green with envy of someone else, that’s a warning sign that change is called for in your life.)

#3: You see clearly who your real friends are

When we undergo a huge change, we often need some patient, powerful support and help from friends and loved ones to stay afloat and regain our footing. I’ve seen in my own life that some people whom I thought were close, enduring friends actually weren’t. They were only “fair-weather friends” who were attracted to friendship with me because of certain things I or the relationship gave them, but they weren’t there for me when the going got tough in my life. And I saw the opposite too – amazing friends and allies who would do anything for me in my time of need, offering beautiful help, love and support whenever I needed or asked for it.

Seeing who your real friends are in life is a powerful gift. Take that gift and run with it.

Don’t keep people in your life who are “friends” only because of what they can take from you.

#4: You learn to deal with people’s negativity, judgments and projections in a more powerful, self-accepting way

In my private coaching work and Amazing Career Project course, I see brave women every day making huge changes in their lives, and when they do, they often face harsh and critical judgments from their “friends,” family and colleagues. Many of the folks I work with long to take a leap away from their very unhappy corporate lives and start their own compelling new ventures or reshape their careers completely, but their "friends" or family members say things like:

“You’re crazy to give up your 9 to 5 job and great benefits in this market!”

“Are you sure you have what it takes to succeed in this new direction? So many fail at it.”

“Why do you want to rock the boat and try this? Can’t you be happy with what you have?”

I remember when I decided to leave corporate life behind and earn my master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, one woman in the grocery store said “Why do you feel you need to do THAT?” And even my financial consultant (whom I quickly fired) said, “You’ll never make any money doing that.”

Making big change threatens other human beings who are in your sphere because they want to believe that the misery they experience they're facing cannot be escaped. Yet here you are defying that belief, right in front of them. So many people stay in the familiar, even if that familiar territory is crushing their hearts and souls. I’ve seen that when someone leaves their unhappy life or job behind, many of the folks around them become even more dissatisfied and angry because they’re watching someone else finally do something concrete to reshape their lives and they long for that. (Here’s a helpful look at why we resist change.)

Embracing change in an empowering way and following your own, authentic path helps you build stronger boundaries, communicate more boldly, follow your own heart and mind, and deal more effectively with all the naysayers, judgers and detractors (and the so-called "experts" who love to tell you what you should do).

For more on how to speak up more powerfully and say what needs to be said when you feel you can't, check out my Finding Brave episode on this:

#5: You become much more nimble and open to change in the future

Finally, making bold change is like exercising a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger and more flexible it becomes. While not changing can feel easier and more comfortable, I’ve seen that this “comfort” can actually lead to mind-numbing unhappiness, dissatisfaction, chronic illness, hopelessness, victimization, fear, and utter resistance to growth. It can keep us in situations, relationships and environments that hurt us, but we’re simply too afraid to make the changes we need to in order to live the lives we long for.

But there are ways to make change more easily. The best strategy I’ve found is to first become extremely clear about the new life situation you want, and make sure it’s not about just running away from your pain. Take some time to explore it deeply and thoroughly in your mind. Journal about why this new direction will be more satisfying, and what types of help, support and information you need to make this change happen.

Then surround yourself with amazing people who are in “harmonious sympathy” with your desires and goals, who believe in the future vision of you before it’s hatched. Let them serve as your support team and accountability buddies, to help you navigate and stay the course of change, and buoy you with deep love and encouragement when the road to change gets a bit bumpy, which it will.

Once you learn how to take the reins on what you can control in your life, while building the resilience to deal with what you can't control, greater happiness, power, bravery and peace will be there for you, waiting on the other side.

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For help to make big positive change in your life, work with Kathy Caprino in her 16-week Amazing Career Project course (the early bird enrollment for the Fall 2020 session end October 10th). For private coaching support, join her Career Breakthrough Program. And don't miss her new book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Bliss and her weekly Finding Brave podcast for support, strategies and solutions for becoming the most powerful version of you.