5 Ways to Deal with a Narcissist Ex When You Have Kids

5 Effective Ways to Deal with a Narcissist if you have children together

Have you ever had to deal or have conversations with your ex who is a Narcissist?

If you have, then at times these conversations may seem as though they can be strained, exhausting or as though they are going nowhere.

You do need to remember, that their behaviour is NOT your responsiblity. How they act or react as a result of your conversation, is not your fault.

Remember, that you cannot control the person you are dealing with, you can only control the person you are and your actions and reactions.

Here are 5 of my most favourite ways to deal with the behaviour of a Narcissist when you have children together

Set boundaries and stick to them:

This one is easier said that done, and when dealing with your ex it is so important to have boundaries when it comes to your communication around the children. You do NOT need to divulge your life, what you are doing, where you are going and what you do with your time with your ex. This includes dating. They are not your best friend and buddy, they are the parent of your children. Boundaries may look like only sending communication regarding the children, talking about mutual events, diverting away from personal questions and not encouraging or asking them to answer personal questions.

Avoid engaging in arguments or debates with them:

If your ex is someone who is argumentative, choose your battles. I like to say 'less is more'. Someone who is given very little, has very little to debate about. So if you divulge who you are going out with, where you are going and what you are doing - and your ex doesn't agree with this because maybe they are jealous of you this could be cause for an argument. This goes for debates. Make your responses short and concise, and this will help you avoid those long-winded arguments.

Don't take their behavior personally

Don't take how they behave personally, the thing is that when you start setting up boundaries with your ex they are not going to be too impressed. Infact, they will be wondering what you are doing, why you are now acting in this manner - because you have confused them. If they begin acting out of character or throwing a tantrum because you have set the boundaries, don't take it personally. Their behaviour is not your responsibility.

Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist:

Now if your ex or ex spouse has the support of your family and friends, there is no point going to them for support or help. In my personal experience, and experience as a therapist helping those suffering from Narcissistic Abuse, talking to someone who doesn't personally know you and may help validate or help you see things differently and objectively can be helpful. When it comes to ex's, family and friends may mean well, but may say unhelpful comments such as "I told you so" or "I never even liked them" or "I knew they were no good for you" or "you should have listened to me" or my favourite "I'm sure they weren't that bad." If you do have a positive network however, use them. They are so important to you.

Be assertive and stand up for yourself:

Personally I have met a lot of clients who hate conflict, but standing up for yourself is so important. Standing up for yourself may be uncomfortable at times, but it's also showing this person that you are not going to allow them to walk all over or take advantage of you either. They do not have the right to treat you disrespectfully. This may mean calling them out if they are late to pick up the kids, or pay child support or challenging them when they are not pulling their weight. You are not being mean by being assertive.

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What are some other ways that you can think of, how you could deal with your Narcissist ex if you have children together? Please feel free to email me your thoughts on this matter [email protected]

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