5 Ways to Build Your Self-Esteem In 2020

Deafening cries of triumph charged the air. For those who cared to know, it was the end of four decades of Midian oppression. Within that period, Israel was impoverished. Hunger reigned supreme.

If you had enough grain and foodstuff in those days, it had to be one of two things. You either pulled off a smart move to boycott the Midianite checkpoints. Or you exchanged some of your livestock—for food—with a neighbour who did the boycott.

But that’s only half the gist…

Trading or threshing grain in public was unthinkable. If discovered, the Midianites could seize all you have; leaving you and your family with nothing.

And so that morning, when Gideon chose his father’s winepress as the best spot to thresh wheat, he was not out of his mind. “If I keep the noise low enough, no one would ever suspect. Not even the smartest Midianite,” he thought.

Threshing was a menial task meant for the ‘boys’. But you see, Gideon had no choice. While men his age were probably ‘chilling’ under large shades and sipping away at some drink, Gideon sweated out his days in the winepress.

Gideon, son of Joash, was from a poor family in the tribe of Manasseh. Not only was his clan the weakest in the tribe, but he was also the least in his family.

The perfect picture of an underdog!

Growing up, when the other kids were off to school, Gideon was off to the farm because his family had to survive. When the other kids were observing siesta, Gideon was running errands. And when the boys played together, Gideon could only gaze in admiration as he engaged in menial stuff. Even if he tried to join them, they would likely kick him out.

As the ‘workiest’ among his siblings, one would think Gideon got the largest share during mealtime

Not exactly!

Being the least in his father’s house meant he gets to choose last. And if we’re right, none of his brothers settled for the smallest meal.

Now an adult, the underdog treatment didn’t go. Crucial family decisions were made in his absence. That meant his opinion didn’t matter much.

And so that morning, when the elders and townspeople were meeting for the umpteenth time over the Midianite issue, Gideon was sent to go thresh wheat. A task he accepted by reflex.

You see, put together, all of these experiences had clawed away at Gideon’s self-esteem; so much so there was nothing left. Each time he tried to take big steps, a voice blared out of his subconscious mind, “remember, your clan is the weakest in Manasseh. And you are the least in your father’s house.”

And so it remained until that fateful morning.

He had gone to thresh wheat as usual when a stranger strode out of nowhere. “God is with you, great warrior,” he said. “…go in this strength of yours and save your people from the Midianites.”

Gideon’s low self-esteem snapped back; “Me? How and with what could I ever save my people? Take a look at me. My clan is the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the entire family.”

Long story short, Gideon would go on to lead a major offensive against the Midianites; saving his country from forty years of repression.

But it all began with one thing, a renewed self-esteem.

To empower Gideon, the stranger didn’t have to arm him with a sword or some supernatural object. If anything, he challenged Gideon’s limiting beliefs upfront.

By selling him a superior self-image, the stranger made a warrior out of a weakling, a leader out of an underdog.

Over three thousand years later, the principle still holds true: People are never able to outperform their self-image.

Self-esteem expert, Nathaniel Branden, puts it this way,

If you feel inadequate to face challenges, unworthy of love or respect, unentitled to happiness—if you lack basic self-trust, self-respect, and self-confidence—your self-esteem deficiency will limit you, no matter what other assets you possess.

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He adds,

No factor is more important in people’s psychological development and motivation than the value judgments they make about themselves. Every aspect of their lives is impacted by the way they see themselves.

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Isn’t that amazing?

No matter the sound of your voice, the skillfulness of your writing, the wittiness of your ideas or the beauty of your looks, low self-esteem would always multiply it all to the factor of zero.

Could that be why you’ve been afraid to put out your written or artworks for the world to see? Could that also be why you’ve been shying away from great opportunities that would’ve launched you forward?

Low self-esteem has hindered more people than lack of ability has. But there is a way out.

If you still struggle with low self-esteem, here are five systems to help you adjust the sails to your favour.

Ready?

1. Guard Your Self-Talk

Realise it or not, you have an ongoing conversation with yourself every time.

Everyone does.

The question however is, what do you say to yourself in those moments?

John Maxwell said,

if we want to change our lives, we have to change the way we think of ourselves. If we want to change the way we think of ourselves, we need to change the way we talk to ourselves.

Going forward, become your own encourager. When you do something noteworthy, commend yourself. Celebrate small victories. Don’t shrug it off. And when you flop, tell yourself, “I’m paying the price for my growth and I’ll get it right soon”.

Make it a habit. You already have enough critics. Don’t add to the pile!

2. Quit Comparing Yourself to Others

When you compare yourself to other people, either of two things happen. You perceive the person better than you and feel discouraged. Or you perceive yourself better than the person and feel proud. And pride, as we know it, goes before a fall.

Either way, you lose.

So quit the comparison and strive to be better than your former self.

3. Move Beyond Your Limiting Beliefs

Take the very leaps you thought you couldn’t take. Affirmations alone cannot conquer limitations. You need bold action steps to supplement your affirmations.

Step out of your comfort zone and do the very things you always believed you could not do and watch the fear fizzle out.

4. Add Value to Others

Low self-esteem keeps the spotlight on you and your small world. Break out of the metaphor by serving others with your gifts and abilities.

As John Maxwell said,

it is hard to feel bad about yourself when you’re doing something good for someone else.

5. Practice a Small Discipline Daily in a specific Area of Your Life

For all I know, discipline is a morale builder. Once you’re able to make yourself do the right thing consistently, even when it's hard, you give yourself the opportunity to do bigger things.

If for instance, you’re set to get serious with your writing, schedule time to write just 300 words daily. Keep at it. Put out your writings for others to read. Criticism won't kill you. Especially when it's coming from those who mean you well. Sure, it may hurt. But feedback taken with the right attitude will make you a better version of yourself.

Like Gideon, we all have great potential. But low self-esteem has made weaklings out of too many warriors. Change the narrative and rise up the occasion.

And never forget, you are capable.

PS: 5 lessons culled from John C. Maxwell's The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth.