5 Ways to Build Rapport
Building rapport is about building relationships and involves trust, connection, and creating mutual understanding. The more you can get to know the stranger you just met, the more they get to know you. The process of making friends or making a sale becomes easier once you establish rapport.
?People do business with people that they know, like, and trust. The question is, how do you make that connection and establish that rapport?
?In her book,?How to Work a Room, Susan Roane states, “It’s the mark of real leadership to take the lead in getting to know people.”
?In that same book, Susan quotes Albert Einstein.
??“I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots.”
?In this article, we’ll explore five simple strategies you can employ to make a connection and establish rapport with people when you talk with them in person.
?The Confidence to Chat
While a few extroverts in the world have no problem going up to a total stranger and starting a conversation, you may not be one of those individuals. So, what do you do?
?Do you give up on making connections and establishing rapport?
?Certainly not.?
?Somewhere you’ve got to gain the confidence that says:
?Although this article isn’t a workshop in self-talk, it’s important to remember that you have something interesting and helpful to contribute to a conversation with anyone there. People will give you a chance if you first give yourself a chance to be heard and known.
?What Have You got in Common?
Before you into a meeting or step out of your house to attend an event, take just a few minutes to consider what you will have in common with the other people who will be there. It’s not important what that commonality is, but it does give you something to talk about in those first awkward 30 minutes.?
?Novelist C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another, “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”
?To get to that “You too?” moment, you have to start with mundane commonalities like the weather, how the local sports team is doing this year, or wondering out loud if “things are ever going back to ‘normal.’”
?You don’t have to know a lot about the people you will be meeting at a business lunch or an evening out to have thought ahead about what you could have in common as a conversation starter.
?In a Harvard Business Review article Five Techniques to Build Rapport with Your Colleagues, former CIA analyst Christina Hillsberg, stresses the importance of finding genuine common ground through being multi-faceted. “To have topics that you can connect with others on, you need to have your interests and hobbies. Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn? There are endless opportunities to acquire new skills from people all over the world without leaving your home. You can enjoy a wine tasting in your home with a renowned master sommelier through MasterClass, learn to knit from TikTok, or connect with other book lovers through a virtual book club.”
?Remember to be authentic. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Building rapport is mainly about building trust.
?What Do You Do?
In business, this is the one question you don’t want to bungle. If you mess up the 30-second elevator pitch, you might as well go sit in a corner and eat your bologna sandwich alone. People will forgive you for getting their kid’s name wrong, for not liking their favorite sports tea, even for having the “wrong” politics. But if you can’t briefly explain what you do and its benefit to others, you’ve lost the game before it starts.
?So, what do you do?
?Practice– It’s that simple.
?Practice saying something like, “I manage the widget marketing team at XYZ company, helping businesses see how our widgets can increase their margins and revenue.”
?It doesn’t have to be a lengthy statement. After all, your elevator pitch shouldn’t put your new friend to sleep.
?Instead, it should give a snapshot of what you do and how it positively impacts the world around you.
?So get that elevator pitch honed down to a sentence or two.
?If you do multiple things, don’t get into all that. Just give them the one thing that will be most meaningful to them and your future relationship with them. They don’t need to know that you’re a manufacturing executive with a passion for?competitive chess?in your off-hours. Stick to one thing for now. There will be time later to talk about chess if you find what you have in common.
?Ask Follow-Up Questions
If you read 100 books on building rapport, you will read about “asking questions” 100 times. But building rapport is not about bombarding the other individual with questions. It’s about the right kind of questions at the right time.
?The best way to describe the right questions at the right time is the term “follow-up questions.”
?How to think of and ask launch follow-up questions?
?Wait for the other person to say something about themselves, the event, or their work. Then, ask an open-ended question about that topic they can expound upon. After all, everyone likes to be an ‘expert’ – even if it is only the expert in “You like the crab puffs? What do you think is in them that makes them so good?”
?Or
?“Your company manufactures popsicle sticks? What kind of wood are those made of?”
?The follow-up question says, “I’m interested in you and what you have to say.”
?It also puts you into the role of an active and engaged listener, so don’t zone out and lose the opportunity for further follow-up questions as they answer your initial ones.
?Ask the right follow-up questions, and the person will leave the conversation thinking, “They’re a great conversationalist. I like them.” – Even though you never really talked much at all.
?Reserve Judgment
There are two aspects to reserving judgment. First, reserve judgment about the individual with whom you are speaking. Nobody wants to be judged based on an initial 15 minute, somewhat awkward conversation. Second, reserve jumping to judgment about topics that arise in conversation. Though you may have strong feelings about those topics, it’s best to wait until you have gained some “trust capital” through building rapport before you express strong feelings one way or the other on a given topic.
?That’s not to say that there isn’t a time and place for candid conversations, but an initial connection point isn’t that time or place.?
?If someone puts you on the spot and asks you directly about a topic that evokes strong feelings with you, answer the question with both grace and a clinical reserve and move the conversation to something else.
?In Conclusion:
You and the other person have landed in the same business meeting or after-hours event. Being at the same event is a great opportunity. You have to be willing to put forth some effort and desire to connect. Communication, the art of active listening, is your segue from quiet awkwardness to an initial conversation. A casual observation about the weather, the food, the music (anything innocuous really) has a chance at getting the conversation started. Why? Because you’re both at the same event and in the same boat. Use inquiry and reciprocity to your advantage as you try to connect with others in conversation.
?Successful rapport building happens as you listen for reciprocity and respond accordingly. Look for a balanced interaction. Share something genuine about yourself and listen. Listening builds trust, and with this kind of confidence comes amazing opportunities that never existed before.
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