5 Ways to Break Free and Discover Your True Self vs The Expectations of Others

Overcome your dissatisfaction with life and rediscover your perfect path

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To be, or not to be true to thy own self: that is the question –

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The Slings and Arrows of other people’s outrageous expectations,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

and by opposing, end them.

–Writer’s reapplication of Shakespeare’s Hamlet

We are bombarded with expectations and influences.

The way we should be, look, achieve, act, acquire, and live.

Our parents, society, media, friends, and employers assert their standards and expectations on us.

It’s an overwhelming gauntlet we’ve run since childhood.

Be this. Don’t be that. Success is this. Failure is that.

This is how you will be measured.

So is it possible “To thy own self be true”?

Are you kidding me, Billy?

However…

If you are dissatisfied with your life and yourself, that is your true self trying to help you overcome being untrue to your true self.

You can notice it, embrace it, and act on it.

It can be hard to spot it.

You’ve been living with it for so long that you’ve gotten used to it.

It’s like background noise.

Things such as:

- You don’t like, hate, or are unfulfilled by your job or career.

- You are wrapped up in chasing the “dream” of possessions which either leaves you forever wanting and frustrated or in financial trouble.

- You desperately seek to improve or maintain your physical appearance based on the standards society sets and what marketers say you must be.

- You simply feel stuck, dissatisfied, and out of alignment with your true self…

- …and all too many more examples.

But it’s there if you notice and connect with it which is what this story is about.

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Now what? That is the question

We all hit a point in life when we ask the question, “Now what?”.

I hear it from people of all ages from 28 to 80.

Sometimes, it’s through self-awareness. Everything catches up to us and we think there’s got to be something more and better.

Or it’s a crisis.

We lose a job, a relationship, or someone close to us.

We fail, or we flail at a life unfulfilled.

In the new age of longevity, it happens more and more when we get “older” (let’s say 45+) and we believe there’s something more than just retiring from life.

These times of awareness and crisis are the opportunity of a lifetime if, if if you seriously and diligently answer the question, “Now What?”.

For Kim and me it started when our youngest son was a senior in high school.

We knew both boys would go to college and would move on away and on with their lives.

I pondered what I was going to do with the rest of my life since I knew I would never “retire”.

After leaving television news I have been a content creator for major corporations. The shelf life of that was ending.

I also realized that while I got to do some amazing things, work with amazing people (even clients!), and provide for my family, the choice was not really true for me.

I had pursued this path because I could, not necessarily because I should.

As a stay-at-home mom, Kim was losing her “career”.

Every day we looked at each other and asked, “Now What?”.

Finding THE answer

Somehow, thankfully, I took the time and put in the effort to seek my true self.

I set a powerful intention to change the way I looked at myself, life and the world, and how to connect with my true self to find a New Way Forward that’s ideal for me.

It took a lot of effort, attention, self-honesty, research and time.

But it was one of if not the best investments I have ever made.

5 Ways to Discover Your True Self vs Society's Expectations

ONE: Go deep, basic and simple.

I put the time, focus self-awareness and energy into determining How I want to feel and be every morning when I wake up?

Note this was all about me and within me. What I can control.

Yes, I want the love of my family and I want them to be doing great among other things.

But this effort is about being true to oneself so it’s only about oneself.

It also sets a powerful intention for how my life will be.

TWO: Examine your BELIEFS

A belief, by definition, is something you believe to be true. But what if it’s not true?

I knew I had self-limiting, therefore untrue beliefs.

Ones that were old or untrue about me, life, and the world.

We all do. I figure almost every human that ever walked the earth died with false beliefs that held them back.

These beliefs typically come from childhood, parents, or negative experiences that may or may not have been true then and certainly aren’t true now.

Therefore, they need to be replaced with better and truer beliefs.

Because beliefs drive you and lead to who you are and what your life is.

Beliefs drive emotions > Emotions drive decisions > Decisions drive actions and therefore add up to exactly where you are in life and who are being right now.

All too often that doesn’t add up to being your true self.

Many people can instantly identify these beliefs and where they came from.

It’s been harder for me.

I knew what they were, but it took a lot of work to identify and overcome them.

I’m still working on them but I’m also improving by getting past them.

Doing this is an absolute must.

THREE: Write a thank you note to your current self from your much older self.

This is an amazing technique to discover the life you want.

I think of myself being that age (I picked 95 years old) and thanking myself at my current age for the things I did to create the amazing life that I am still enjoying at age 95.

I’m not specific about how I did it all. Instead, I focus on the results and the why.

This allowed me to envision the fundamental existence and way of being I desired and is true to my own self.

Like #1, this becomes the filter for everything I do or refuse to do. Of all the ways of living, being, earning an income, etcetera, if anything does not fit these criteria I drop them like plutonium. If they do fit…

Four: Put your attention on it

By this point, I had a great foundation and started searching for all kinds of information. ideas

I scheduled time to think it through.

I would meditate or just be quiet with no electronics and think about it. I would have a conversation with myself.

Then, like magic, I was thinking about it all the time without even trying.

Where attention goes focus flows.

I started having a slew of seemingly random and unexpected thoughts. I would hear or see things that would trigger an idea or insight.

My brain was like a popcorn machine with kernels of ideas and insights popping up.

This was a neurological (and maybe spiritual) response because this is how the power of intention works.

By imagining and feeling the results I intended I was creating new neural pathways in which my brain’s Intel processor (the prefrontal cortex) and its reticular activating system were noticing things and connecting the dots and enabling answers.

It is STUNNING how well this works and the results that come from it.

Five: Be open and ready for anything

I made sure I was open to any possibilities.

Good thing because the end result was unexpected. Here’s what led to it.

I discovered that many retired and regretted it after about a year (loss of self-identity, purpose, relevance, and a?reason to get up in the morning) while others, out of necessity or desire, were reinventing and reimaging this “older” phase of life and thriving because of it.

I discovered that we can have not only an extended lifespan but most importantly, an extended health span.

I discovered there is a new phase of life I call olderhood that looks nothing like anything we have ever had in human history.

Which begs the question: What to do with it?

What will we do with this life gift that comes at a time when we have decades of experience, knowledge, and advanced skills and talents?

And what better time to determine what to do and how to be true to one’s own self than when you’re older and you’ve learned so much about yourself, life and the world?

It’s a transformational time for humanity.

It’s literally the opportunity of a lifetime.

But virtually no one is aware of it.

Bingo.

I found my true self’s calling.

I am a third-generation storyteller and journalist. A content creator and former newsman.

Like my father and grandfather, I have a deep and strong desire to make people aware of really important and amazing things.

The most exhilarating opportunity is to share an under-told story that everyone needs to know about.

Telling this story would be my new way forward. In fact, it is New Way Forward.

My true self-focus is on informing and guiding people through the process of pivoting, transitioning, and transforming themselves and making them aware of their new reality.

To support them to live a life that is true to themselves and make an impact by doing so for others.

All of this WORKS!

The pandemic was a major accelerator.

The desire to transform one’s life has become a mega social trend. People ranging from 29 to 80+ have decided that they want more from their lives and from themselves.

The desire to be true to oneself and make the most out of life.

Join the revolution

Like me, you can put in the effort, overcome external expectations and false beliefs, and be true to who you really are and, therefore, have the life and be the way that is right for you and only you.

Only you can discover and know what that is.

To be or not to be true to myself. That is the answer I discovered.

Somewhere in the future, my 95-year-old self is smiling.

As Shakespeare said, "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."

If you value this kind of content, you can find more on my Substack page. You can subscribe at no cost.