5 Warning Signs of Gaslighting at Work: How to recognize and respond to manipulative behavior?

Gaslighting is a destructive manipulation tactic that undermines a person's perception of reality and imposes the gaslighter's beliefs on them?in order to exert power and influence. Gaslighting can greatly impede your?career growth, career advancement and self-confidence at work.?Therefore, it is paramount to recognize?the?gaslighting behavior to preserve?both?your?mental well-being and avoid its damaging accumulative effect on career advancement.

So, let's examine the indicators of gaslighting at work and how to deal with it.

1. My Credit, Your Blame

Individuals who gaslight are prone to shifting the blame onto others and refuse to acknowledge and take responsibility for their own wrongdoings. One of the more frequent examples of gaslighting at work is taking credit for somebody else's work, which totally diminishes a person's merits. In staff meetings a gaslighter will dismiss your thoughts and opinions, thereby undermining your value and self-worth.?Gaslighters often refuse to recognize their belittling behavior and acknowledge that others can?and have a full right to?succeed, making it almost impossible to build a constructive dialogue with them and for you to take what rightfully belongs to you.

What can you do?

Being stripped of your successes can be emotionally draining; however, the less emotional you are about it, the better.?Document your progress and report all successful milestones achieved?along the way, not just the final result. If you feel your?voice is being?silenced, ensure that your perspective and ideas are heard and acknowledged, even if others don’t necessary agree with them.

?2.?Willingness to Initiate Contact and use it against you

?Gaslighters actively seek out relationships and interactions, especially among colleagues at work.?Their motive is not to befriend but rather to gain access to sensitive and private information. Initially, they may?display charm and superficial respect to establish a connection with their colleagues.?They might pretend to be your friend and show sincere interest in your life. However, once the connection is established, they start using this trust against you.?The information that you revealed?to them about yourself or about the company, your secrets and your vulnerabilities become a weapon against you afterwards. Using this information the gaslighter may start office gossip,?spread?it sprinkling it with?false information?or submit?reports to your supervisor?ultimately damaging your credibility?and potentially worsening?your chances for promotion. Once the gaslighter has reached their desired objective from you they will discard their friendliness and turn to the next person (victim) of interest.

?What can you do??

There is a thin line between a professional relationship and a personal one. You might want to keep a respectful attitude without being rude and at the same time not to divulge too many private details about your personal life and company's secrets. The feeling that you might be revealing too much against your will is a good indicator to stop and think where the conversation is going and how it helps you at your work place and whether it can potentially damage you.

3. Imposition of New (useless) Rules

Gaslighters tend to impose their own rules, irrespective of whether they are needed or not. This is a strategic effort to make other people feel uncomfortable, aiming to break?the individuals’ sense of self and assert dominance.?For instance, when a new manager?comes and turns things 180 degrees, it might not be necessarily about improving the organization, but rather a deliberate attempt to make?the employees?uncomfortable, catching them off-guard and thus manipulating them to be more compliant.?This power game is implemented at the outset to enforce power, break possible future resistance, and establish the "I make the rules, you just tolerate.?And if you can tolerate this now, you will tolerate?it?in the future as well." Needless to say that this strategy is not for the good of the organization, rather for the good of the ?gaslighter. After the unnecessary new rules have been established, things may go back to how they had been prior to the changes, but the employees?are likely to?never feel the same, nor would?they feel respected anymore.

What can you do?

?If the new manager imposes the rules, your options are probably limited. Maybe you can first assume the best and help with the new changes that your organization might really need to grow and succeed.?However, if you notice that your workplace has become more toxic over time and your colleagues feel the same way, you are probably at a new stage in your career, and it is time to evaluate?your next career alternative.?If the useless changes are initiated by a colleague and you feel that they go against the organization, it might be?time to voice your group opinion.

4. Violation of Agreements and Duties

Do you know?an employee who makes promises to clients and always?fails to deliver??Or fails the team by not doing their part or procrastinating?it?infinitely???Or one that is always late??Sure, that person may be absent-minded, but continuous violation of agreements is a gaslighting technique.?Gaslighters often violate agreements to just to test?personal and professional boundaries and assert control. This helps them assert their own version of reality. If their work is subpar ?but they can push the client into accepting it - they had won.?The same principle applies to teamwork. If they withdraw from obligations and make the team accept it, they win again. And the more the other people let it slide, the gaslighter continues to violate their promises and disregard their part of the agreements.?It is worth noting that these individuals are quite swift to respond with negativity should anyone attempt to shirk their responsibilities.

What can you do?

The first thing you need to do is contain your anger, because once you become infuriated, your anger becomes the subject of the conversation, rather than the subject being the violation of agreements. Instead, you can calmly but persistently remind them of the rules and ask them what happened?considering that their part has not been fulfilled. To achieve productivity?and deal with gaslighting?in this scenario, it is essential to focus solely on the bare facts, agreements, and obligations without expressing many emotions.

5. Regular Lying and Persistent Manipulation of Reality

"I never said that." "It was not me; it was John." "That's not true. " Gaslighters refute what has been previously said, either by them or by others, to reinforce their power and their perception of reality on others. This is done so that other people start doubting themselves and agreeing with the gaslighter on how reality "should be.“?It goes without saying that lying makes a person less reliable and cooperative.?It damages their relationships with clients and suppliers because if some lies are?forgiven?once revealed,?lying persistently will?eventually make?others turn their backs on you. Yet,?the gaslighter lies with a purpose. For example, the purpose can often be "to break the team".?They lie about the team members, try to build individual relationships, and speak behind the backs of others,?attempting?to plant suspicion and hostility within the team. Their motive for dividing is to gain individual power.?

What can you do?

Sticking together is important in such situations.?Again, you should probably document the processes along the way and ensure that they are transparent and visible not only to you but also to other people within the organization or your team. Group transparency and documenting what has been done and said, help prevent lying and manipulation.

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When dealing with gaslighting you can ask yourself several questions:

·?Do I feel that my self-worth is diminishing and am I starting to doubt my abilities and feel less valuable?

·?Do I have an uncomfortable feeling that something is wrong in my interactions with this person, but I cannot pinpoint what it is exactly?

·?Do the person's actions contradict their words?

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If the answer to most or all of these questions is "yes" and you recognize the pattern, then your best friends are documented facts, sticking together?with the colleagues?and having the support and reward network that acknowledges you positively at work, making it easier to deal with a gaslighter.

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?Author: Boris Herzberg, Psychoanalytic Therapist, Coach, Relationship Consultant & Mediator

https://counseling.borisherzberg.com