5 Tools for Managing Guilt

Guilt is an overwhelming energy that holds many women back.

Listen to Episode #29 of Career Strategies for Women that Work On Apple | On Google | On Spotify

Why and how do you feel guilty?

The first step to managing guilt is to figure out what triggers it. Make a list of all the times in your week where you feel guilty and then evaluate why you feel guilty at that particular time.

There are a variety of reasons why you may feel guilty, but I think asking why it is we’re feeling guilty at a particular moment, can lead the way for us to shift our energy to something more productive.?

Before I jump into the 5 steps, I think it's important to note that I do not think there is a magic solution for guilt. For me, it's really about measuring how often I feel guilty and understanding the stories I create and hold on to around that situation. It’s also important to recognize that you’re not alone in feeling guilt; it’s normal and it’s something we all deal with at varying levels.

So much of the research around guilt actually involves looking at where you spend your time. And I talk about something similar in episode 2, because we have a tendency to say yes to things so quickly, and we end up filling up our schedules without even recognizing it.?

I know it's not easy, but you do have to take the time to assess your yeses. And if you really don't know how to do that, or you need to help here, pop back to Episode 2: Aligning Your Yeses, Work, and Energy for Your Next Level of Impact, it includes a free 4-page worksheet and chart that is absolutely instrumental in identifying where you may be overcommitting.

5 Tools for Managing Guilt

5:38 – #1: Mindfulness + Meditation

At some point, you might have been told, “Hey, if you're feeling guilty, go grab a yoga mat or pick up meditation.” That might not work for everyone, but the principle behind it—being able to control the conversation we're having in our head—is so important. The thought pattern in our head can go crazy and we need to be able to create presence and space in between those thoughts. Now I'm a big believer in mindfulness, but it took me three or four sessions to even understand what I was trying to accomplish. It wasn’t initially easy for me. With this, I interviewed my mindfulness teacher, Suzanne in a 10-part series on how busy women can benefit from mindfulness with this: 10 Lessons I Gained From My Mindfulness Practice.?

8:46 – #2: Time-management

For many of us, if we're feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt, it’s a sign to step back and analyze where we’re spending our time. Then you’ve got to double down and figure out what parts of your schedule are making you feel guilty. For example, if you're staying at work three nights a week till 11pm, and you're missing out on quality time at home, what are you really working on? Do you need to do all these projects right now? Are you saying yes to too many things that really don't need all of your time??

9:38 – #3: Story-management

Figure out what stories you’re telling yourself and how those stories are driving you to feel guilty. Maybe you're not feeling good enough, or smart enough. You haven't hit your goals or you have but you sacrificed the family time for it. Whatever those stories are for you, diving into those stories that are fueling the guilt. The key is getting under the covers of how you can better manage your guilt. By the way, if you find that you keep telling yourself these kinds of stories, I highly recommend keeping track of your accomplishments to give yourself a little reassurance that you are working hard, you’re delivering results, and you don’t need to continue to feel the pressure that we often put on ourselves that leads to guilt.

10:31 – #4: Prioritization

The reality is you have to put your big rocks in first. You have to prioritize the big things that are important to you; those things go in your schedule first. Before I start the week or before I start a day, I always figure out the things that need to be included as the small things are always there and ready to take up your time.?

11:13 – #5: Speaking up

I’ve learned to set the right expectations for the things I decide to take on. For example, I have really moved my responses from, “I'll get that back to you later today” to “I'll get that back to you in two or three days.” And you know what? Most people are fine with it. Not many people are expecting me to turn things around that day, although I had that expectation on myself. I’ve found that I’ve started feeling less guilty because I’ve given myself more space by setting more realistic expectations for myself.

What I have learned: Your life is really up to you and your choices determine your level of happiness. So if you're feeling incredibly guilty for not getting enough done or for being unproductive, or because you're not able to get to things that are important to you on time —you are the only one who can make decisions to really prioritize yourself, your wellbeing, your health, and the people who are important to you.

Cheers!